Chapter X-2: Day 3

December 2nd, 2010

It still hurts just as bad.
The worst right now is when I first wake up in the morning and then it all comes flooding into my mind.
My pseudo-husband has decided "I don't love you anymore and I don't want to be married to you."
Feels like the biggest slap in the face.
Feels like obviously the problem is ME.
I wish I could do anything to change that.
I feel like a failure.
Sometimes I wish I just didn't wake up...because it is like ice cold reality check every morning.
Then I get overwhelmed with all the things I have to do.
Figure out how to undo it all.
This is absolutely the worst thing that has ever happened in my life.
I feel like I have lost everything.
And it's making me doubt EVERYthing.
Like my career, myself, my worth, etc.
I feel like I can't take any steps by myself.
But I am carried through.
Kind of like that "Footsteps" poem.
When I look back there are only one set but it is because my friends are carrying me through on their backs.
Good thing they are the strongest, smartest and most beautiful people in the whole world.
They will definitely come up later (A., B., Eva, J., L., S., Taylor.,M., & India)
is all you need to know for now.
Thank god for them.
I go on because of them.
For now that is enough.
xoxo
Teagan B. Sawyer