**If you are looking for MyExBoyfriendProject it is the Right side.** Those who know me know my love for things pop culture and reality tv. I love a good heroine and girl who comes out on top...because I want to. Once a girl named Lauren chose a boy over an intership in Paris. I have made similar misguided mistakes...but Lauren made it to Paris (a year later). I hope to make it to my Paris (both literally and not). Here are my struggles, wants, wishes, hopes and fears as I make it there.
I love reviewing things that have happened, like when I posted the video in 2011 and 2010. These reviews I always love because they make you realize how much can happen in a year. And just how trivial some of my "problems" are.
Last year I asked if 2012 would be everything I hoped for and dreamed of? Not really. But different then 2011 and easier than 2010. The birthday curse seems to have been lifted. I'm excited to see what 2013 has in store for me even if it isn't what I "want". Here's hoping.
So in the latest greatest updates from down south. Want some more drama? Well here it comes. Originally we were all scheduled to fly home on January 1st. My younger brother just switched his flight to Sunday December 30th to be with his girlfriend. Ummm he had a girlfriend before he booked the flight originally. But it's not a problem and okay (I'm being sarcastic) he just has to borrow my dad's credit card and arrange for it all to change (and I know that isn't cheap). And I'm annoyed because that means I can't go to the Disney Parks anymore. (We had talked about it yesterday and planned to stay an extra day behind my parents after that dinner). He doesn't care about that though. And so it begins. Picking sides. And I get it...if I'm being honest I would have picked Spencer too back then. Only Spencer wasn't there when I looked to him. I get it...all these days with the dynamic roller coaster that is my family is a lot to handle for all these days in a row. My brother probably is doing the smart thing...and I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about scheduling my flight a bit earlier so I could have some time at home just to clean and organize before heading back to work. Super annoyed myself. But I'm still kind of ticked off that he left me stranded ...and without being able to go to Disney...super annoyed.
Sometimes it takes everything inside me to just swallow it up. Ignore the brutal jokes and conversations that the family has. Ignore how utterly wrong I feel when they make derogatory and racist comments. Like when my lazy brother refuses to pick up after himself and my father says, "what do I look like your (fill in the blank that makes me shutter and cringe)". And it gets to the point where I finally say something. And my entire family looks at me like I'm crazy. And laughs off how I'm no fun and too serious. Sometimes I guess it is just better to swallow my thoughts. Things got a lot smoother that way...
I arrived in Florida on Saturday. The flight was AWFUL because I had a bad sinus infection. The pain was miserable for the entire 2 hours and 47 minutes. A quick drive to our Florida house. And a yummy barbeque lunch of burgers stuffed with cheese, bacon and jalapenos. Before I passed out in a sinus cold and flu medication haze. My family dined on lobster and steak while I had soup for dinner. I basically didn't move the rest of the day and night finally heading to bed at 9. My vacation was off to a pretty crappy start. Sunday was much the same. Lots of soup. Lots of congestion. Lots of quiet observation how some things stay the exact same. Before I knew it it was today...Christmas Eve. And I could feel the disappointment bubble up. Because of how everyone is with the fam. And as the days of constant contact turned into everyone getting a little snippier with each other. There were conversations among my brother and parents about how "stupid" I was doing what I do (as a profession) and making so little money...because they all make double or more of what I do...I was like okay guys I'm right here! I live paycheck to paycheck and they all laughed at me for it. And just the MEANness of it all was heart breaking. And I was bothered. Bothered because everyone laughs because my brother is lazy and irresponsible and drinks all day. And its okay because its just him being him. Bothered because my mother's response to everything comes back as in yells and screams. It's her way or the highway and we are "stupid" or "retarded" if we don't immediately respond. Bothered that she yells at us for everything. And its okay because its just her being her. She bullies everyone. When I asked if it would make sense to buy a hamper at Target so that I had a place for my dirty clothes in my room. It was met with "you so bloody retarded. NO! There is a fucking hamper in the laundry room". I had it. I could not longer take it. So I screamed back at the top of my lungs, "STOP IT. NOT EVERYTHING HAS TO BE SCREAMED BACK AT. IT WAS A QUESTION! YOU ARE A PSYCHOPATH! STOP YELLING AT EVERYONE! IT'S NOT NORMAL" Of course she screamed back at me that it was her normal voice. But she was pissed! And every since yesterday she has been quiet and not really responsive. And she cancelled us going to Disney ...again. As punishment. But I'm tired of the behaviour. The behaviour that I'm NOT okay with. It's like it is okay to be a jerk and rude because that is someone's personality. I'm sorry I don't think it is. It simply is rude and jerky. And I am not okay with that. I get it that I don't fit with my family. I'm just exhausted with the rude behaviour. In all reality it is just something I can only tolerate in small small doses. Please remind me the next time I think of doing something like this that the max time with the fam is 4 days tops. It's going to be a long 9 more days.
Book club number three was here before we knew it.
This month's selection The Lock Artist
Picture from Goodreads.com
Hosted at Laurel's place last Thursday. With only a few days left until Christmas.
Laurel's grandmother's cookie recipe
Yummy! These were brought by E
And these by S And this may have been moments before I dropped one of those cookies face down on the ground (face palm)!
It wouldn't be a December book club without an egg nog toast!
And it wouldn't be out kind of book club without some kind of official grading system!
We are super cool in case you didn't realize!
Here is the bar graph I received via email the next day from P. We each gave a score from 0-5 on each of four critical categories lol!
Clearly this month's book club is the winner so far. And everyone was really happy with their book club 2012 ornament (read here if you missed it). These monthly meetings are something I definitely look forward to. I can't wait until January's meeting...
Ahhh the simple things of life. When one of your favourite TV characters is wearing your favourite new winter coat. I scored this lovely Kate Spade bow coat back in Dallas in September (read here if you missed it). And now I will finish off with a quote from one of my favourite characters during this episode...
Schmidt: "Love is stupid. It is a lie. So bah humbug to you, Cecelia! Bah humbug! Baaaaaaaahhhhh!"
Today is the day. Wedding day in my home town. Not mine (OBVIOUSLY). But the person that I mentioned in this post back here...where I'd mention I'd like to punch her in the face...it's her wedding today. Like I was already not filled with dread about having to go to this event. But talking to my mother...who is aghast that I didn't have an appointment to get my nails and hair done. (I will be doing my own)...also that I neglected to get a new dress. Which has me second guessing that decision...but it's too late now at 9:53am sitting here sipping tea on my couch willing myself to get ready....maybe I should have made those appointments...ugh. At least I'm bring B as my date. He is so funny and goofy and nice and social. Maybe on our 2.5 hour drive to my home town I will tell him all about Spencer. Maybe then he will understand how messed up I am. I thought at least I would have the deflection of my brother's new girlfriend. Whom I was informed had fake breasts and a child. But my mum and dad met her last week and love her. I'm not saying that those who have fake breast and a child aren't really amazing at all...ughhh I don't know what I'm saying. She is beautiful. It's that horrendous anxiety creeping up. They likely will get married and again I will be that person who "almost" got married to my entire large Portuguese family...the old spinster sister. That's probably why I'm so stressed about tonight. The dread and feeling of the stares. The looks of pity that always fall my way. This is the first family wedding I've attended since my engagement party. And I'm just stressed. I feel like I'm carrying around a bowling ball in the pit of my stomach. Waiting for the smart ass acidic comments that tend to roll so easily out of my family's mouths. The ones that range from dripping with sarcasm of "are you taking notes" (remember that at this event?) To the ones of ...well MAYBE one day it will happen for you (emphasis on the maybe). Part of it is my own insecurity. The looks of wonder...like obviously there was something so wrong with me that is why Spencer left me the way that he did. And I will forever be alone. Part of it is just good old fashioned dread. I'm so not looking forward to tonight...in fact I feel kind of terrified. But I'll slap on a smile and pretend like everything is great. That's how I roll. Fake it 'till you make it. Reminding myself to breathe and not cry. That is pretty much the two thoughts that will be going through my head tonight. Breathe...don't cry...smile...breathe...don't cry...smile...
So yesterday was December's book club and I thought I would do something sweet for the girls. So I decided first to look for book ornaments. Ummm yea pretty impossible to find...at least from where I looked. So I set off to figure out how to make some. Here's how it went... Started off with some wood chips.
Put some together...lined them up...
Stuck them together...with double sided tape...hate glue guns (I always burn myself)...
Then used some paper
That I scored and cut and used double sided tape again to make the first "book"
The middle book I made with three "layers" and I used this book for the ribbon of the ornament....I thought it kind of looked like a book mark that way. I just repeated what I did for the first book...
The third book I made four layers...and gave a label for the top!
Stacked all three...The top book is called "Hot Mess" because it's an inside joke from us girls.
To the book spines I wrote, Book CLub 2012 xoxo Teagan
And voila...a three book ornament (representative of the fact that we have read 3 books).
All lined up ready for the girls!
There you have it...my first homemade ornament in years!
And the response was great...the girls seemed to like them.
Love our book club...I will post tomorrow so you can see all the goodies we had.