Trip to see Taylor!!!!

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Choose Your Own Adventure...(The Real "Me", The List and The Choice)

I have this super weird feeling going on.
Let me try to (but unlikely will actually) explain.
It's something deep down and unsettling.

I'm likely to actually be getting ahead of myself and making no sense also.
So let's say I'm giving you a fair warning 'kay?

The thing is it has to do with Jacob.
And though I realize it could be all talk.
He says he is ending things with his pseudofiancee and moving forward with us because he knows we are "meant to be".
Here's my confession... I don't know this 100%.

Let's just "pretend" for a second that is happening.
If that is the case I start into a full fledged panick.

I'm going to be as honest as possible about everything.
Even though it might make me sound bad or not paint a favourable picture of me.
(And THAT is very hard for me to do).

Here's the thing.
I feel like I should make a choice.
And I'm not sure what to do.

Let me try and explain in a logical order.
Starting with the Real Me.
Trying to discover who I am.

The Real "Me"
Some of the things (I think I'm learning) is that I like nice things, and I grew up a certain way.
One of the ways I feel loved (not that I WANT to be like this) is to receive gifts.
That is what I learned from my parents.
I think there may even be a term for this type of person.
And I'm not thinking of SPOILED BRAT...I think there is actually a term for this.

Anywho...this is something I've learned.
Something I CRAVE is affection through touch and nicknames and mushiness (and I attribute this to the lack of this from my parents). 
The sort of not funny joke with the girls is that I had to learn how to hug and not do an awkward half hug shrug away.
But I actually crave affection through touch (I'm still a sucker for holding hands in the mall etc at 29 years old! and I think that will never change).
Give me a nickname I melt because it's special and in cheerleading you "earned" a nickname.
I love love and affection and I'm a hopeless romantic.

So let's add a couple of more random things to the mix.
I have seen friends go through relationships.
And the thing is I think it is important for a guy to feel like a guy and a breadwinner (don't be mad readers!)
I think sometimes with what I do and what I've experienced and been fortunate enough to be from the family I'm usually (well in every SINGLE case been more (financially)) then any boy I've ever been with.

So what do I do?
If I want to go on a trip (I pay).
If I want to get them an expensive gift (I do).
If I want to eat out at a nice restaurant or go to the latest concert (I buy tickets etc).
If I want something nice for myself (I save up and buy it for myself).
I think this is sort of wrong...but then what do you do...NOT do those things?

So my friend Taylor once wrote a here is mine.

The List (aka Teagan's Ultimate Dream Man List)
  • Man (starting off slow here people).
  • Dark hair, dark eyes.
  • Gym guy (I love the super meat head looking guys...sorry that is what I'm attracted skinny lanky tall guys for this girl (tried it ONCE with Spencer...and well you sort of know how that worked out).
  • Orphan (I'm sort of half joking about the past I felt like guys picked their family first...and while a good relationship is important for a guy to have I want to be the #1)
  • Being the #1 MOST important person in the ENTIRE world to this man.
  • Someone that doesn't leave (I know I totally have an abandonment issue).
  • Must love chihuahuamixes (duh).
  • Likes to dance (and willing to take dance lessons with me.
  • Someone who likes to give compliments (I need it).
  • Mushy/Affectionate
  • Someone who gives me a nickname...but something special.
  • ?Someone that loves myself for myself.
  • Someone who has the same beliefs (religious without necessarily going to church every Sunday)
  • Someone who has the same habits with reguards to eating (mostly healthy), and working out (very necessary).
  • Someone who likes my profession.
  • Someone who is a manly man (I want a spider killer, lift heavy things, unscrew tight jars, provider (thought I would sneak that in...which should lead to).
  • I want someone that does well financially (at least better then myself).
  • I never wanted to be a stay at home mom (that IS a full time job...just not one I want).
  • Someone who wants to live in a condo downtown (I don't ever want a yard and I love living in high rise condos in the middle of all the action).
  • I want someone who is social and likes to do fun active things (I love socials and galas and art openings and restaurants and broadway shows and hockey games and dinner parties).
  • Someone who has a travel bug like I do (culture and food and art and history and willing to go to museums and journey the world together...nothing sounds worse then visiting the same allinclusive in Cancun every year because it is a good "value").
There is probably more...FYI but I'm trying to tone it down in a sense.
Maybe  I will add more later.

So here is why I have this totally weird nagging feeling.
Is Jacob settling?
I'm at a cross roads here.
I've done some good over the last few months I've moved to Toronto.
However I'm still more hermit than socialite.

It's not like I haven't tried to get out there at all.
But maybe not to the extent I should be trying.
I have tried to email my alumni night group here (with no response), I reached out to the All-Star Cheerleading club I used to coach at to try and coach again (with no response) and I feel sort of stuck.
I am bothered that I reached out and nothing.

Here's the ideal.
You take my FABULOUS bestie Taylor and pluck her in a new city and BLAM instant friends.
This amazing lady is social and everyone instantly loves her.
I'm not that...but I think it is a choice (even if it feels not so).

There are things I could do for sure to reach out more but I am choosing not to.
Therefore 100% my fault.
Val even suggested that one night I stay late when I work smack downtown and explore a bit...try and make some friends.
But I don't.
I'm nervous and afraid.
For no good reason at all.

So here comes The Choice (or what feels like "the choice").
Choose your own adventure Teagan.

"Decide to go down the stairs" turn to page 106
Jacob*( if you realized above Jacob has the blue qualities...and clearly not 100% is about half enough?), safe, easy, I know what it will be like. 
Comfortable in my little world I've created. 
The Jacob and Teagan relationship, Blogging, work, work out, adventures with the girls on weekends and assorted weekly classes/activites.
Will that make me happy?...maybe.
But I will be content (maybe) and is that enough?

"Climb out the window, jump to the roof and then find your way down from there" turn to page 108
Force myself out of the bubble.
Take a yoga class downtown and FORCE myself to make friends.
Go to a happy hour by myself until I meet people (how to make it so I'm NOT picking up but actually there to meet friends I'm not this how you meet girl friends?  How else do you make more friends?).  And this thing ACTUALLY terrifies me!
Turn Jacob down (scary too) and wait for someone who meets the ultimate dream list (though I'm not sure this will exist).
Join a dating site and date multiple guys.
It was at basically at living this life when I was living in Singapore that I had all this ANDDDD then I meant Spencer and it all went to crap (months later...I think I still regret leaving Singapore).  I had this in Dallas too right before I started dating Jacob (and I definitely regret leaving Dallas).
Will this make me happy?  Only if it works.

So what do I choose page 106 or page 108.

Pic from here,

Cake Class Three~Cupcakes

Wednesday was cake class three for us girls.
We were making cupcakes.
So in the interest of double duty...we decided to make the cupcakes to use for Quinn's baby shower (that is this Saturday at Eva's place).

We did learn a ton of techniques last night... leaves, pompom flowers and shaggy mums.
But then we turned around and made what we wanted for Quinn's baby shower.
Here is how they turned out...

Fun class but we are kind of glad we are almost done.
These classes definitely are a lot of work and prep and clean up.
Our next group activity may be a little more relaxed.
Especially for a midweek activity.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Blog Catch Up

Oh yea...AND I added some posts that I've been meaning to add.
Just scroll through September for the 2 weeks + that I missed due to lack of internet :)

Weekend Update

I had a conference for work.
It was great but a little stressful rubbing elbows with the big wigs.
What was interesting about the conference is I obviously had my phone off.
Which meant Jacob had unanswered emails all morning.
Therefore I wasn't able to convince him to come to Toronto.
Not that I want to convnice him to come to Toronto.
But obviously this passive boy would need some extra reassurance if he was to come.
Therefore he didn't come Friday.
Then I had to rush across the TDot to see a potential apartment (which means yes I officially am moving...I think). 

I got up early to get my fabulous desk delivered from West Elm (sans chip yippee!!)
It is awesome and you will see it in its glory on official apartment tour post.
Other then that nothing big happened...

Just kidding...In the morning had 10 emails from Jacob.
I let him know he could CALL me if it was important.
And then he did.
I was flooded with mixed emotions.
He sounded the EXACT same.  Our conversation fell in a natural rhythm.
Well natural for discussing our completely screwed up situation which basically boiled down to this.
He wants to be with me (he says). 
Willing to move to Canada or other locations (this was our issue before JUST geography...he wanted to live in Philly I wanted to live where it didn't snow).
He called off the engagement Sunday.  Then talked to fiancee on Monday (and her parents).
Which led to more talking and it being back on. 
Which led to another engagement called off Tuesday to be back "on" Wednesday.  But not planning a wedding (are you keeping up?).  To Thursday when he wanted to come up but shouldn't until everything was finalized (agreed).  To justifying why he should come up.  To Friday's decision then reversal of said decision.

Which brought us to our current position Saturday.
Where I finally got mad and said, "You are being completely passive.  Why don't you make up your mind what you do want and take an action...and then I totally quoted Something Borrowed...only I'm guessing he doesn't know it "she deserves deserve better...heck I deserve better".
To which he replied "I know what I'm coming right are what matters...I need to show you that I'm completely serious.  I'm coming I will call you from my car"
CLICK...I sat in stunned silence.
What had I done?!
I wanted him to take care of his *cough*old business*cough* before getting down to any "new business" if you catch my drift.

So he calls 20 minute later on the road.
And we chat for about 2 and a half hours while he drives (and while I full fledge panic!).
Then I hear it a -call waiting-sound on his end.
He clicks over...

It wasn't what you think.
His sister thought she was going into labour.
So he pulled over and asked me what he should do.
And I said "clearly you need to turn around and drive back home".
And he said "are you sure?"
And I said "absolutely!"
And with that he turned around.

And I proceeded to get ready to go out for dinner with my friends in Toronto.
This is a big deal because I could have easily just stayed in pajamas and bummed around.
Instead I forced myself to pick out something fashion-ey and cool (I think).

All together for dinner was Jane and her husband (who drove down from Kingston), Jane's brother and his wife, Eva and her husband, Val and myself.
Want to see my outfit?
I was feeling sort of spunky.
I wore my KimK inspired outfit from going to a club a few months ago with Shelby.

Yup my bootie is obviously still there.

When I got to the restaurant Parkette I parked in front of it but didn't see the signage so I walked 6 blocks away from it.  Though it did earn me a "nice legs" and a whistle which was totally worth it hahaha.
Really great restaurant...just a cute little spot that probably sat 30 people max.
Would love to go back.

Our table was the long bar one on the right of the restaurant.

A better picture from off the webz.

At dinner I told Jane, Eva and Val about what had happened. 
CLEARLY we are not meant to see each other.

Anywho we had a great dinner...and they all gave me their varying opinons.
Sort of like Sex and the City Cafe conversations.

Anywho afterwards the crew was going to head to a tequilla bar.
I was EXHAUSTED I think it was the week of emotional rollercoastering whiplash thanks to Jacob.  So I came home and crashed.


I did nothing but 4 loads of laundry, a ton of dishes, grocery shopping, picked up something for the dog and tried to get organized for the week.
Then I had a much needed phone call update with my bestie Taylor!
It was awesome.
Gosh I miss that girl so darn much.
I'm not going to spoil all her fun fantastic news so if you know who she is check it all out.
I'm so so so SOOOO proud of her and what has happened in her life these last two years.
It is amazing when someone so incredibly smart, beautiful and talented has things good happen to her!
And I'll let you in on a little secret.  2012 trip is in the works....SO.EXCITED!

So other then that Sunday was rather uneventful.
Except I may have talked to Jacob...twice.
Because really I apparently cannot cut that loose...even when I try.

Pics from here, here,

Wednesday, September 21, 2011


Y'all I kid you not!!!
These last 24 hours...I mean SERIOUSLY?!
This afternoon I got a phone call that went something like this...

Daniel:  "Umm Hi Teagan it's Daniel (my rental agent).  So it turns out your building just put in a new pet policy where it will be a pet free building and if your dog wasn't living there prior to June 2008 then you can't be there."

Me: Stunned silence.

Daniel: "Hello?"

Me: "I'm confused didn't I fill in an application with a dog?  And didn't I let you know when we were looking at condos I had a dog? And wasn't my application WITH a dog approved?  And how is this a new pet policy if it seems to grandfather in dogs prior to June 2008?"

Daniel:  "Yes well your original lease you signed was for the other buildings that you didn't get in time so that is where it got messed up" 
(I also filled in a new application BEFORE I moved into this place).  And it was only when this last Friday I put in my security paperwork (where there was the dog information again...I thought it was for the fire department etc.).

Me:  "I will have to call you back I'm still at work."

So yes that is what happened.
So I called him back after work and left a message.
So I might be moving...again.
Remember how difficult it was to find a place the first time?!
And I literally JUST threw out all the boxes (granted they have moved me 6+ times) but still.
And have I JUST got settled and am having a desk delivered this Saturday (and then was going to give you the big new place tour....
You betcha!
Will keep you posted.

Pic from here

Cake Decorating Class Two

Week Two was a bigger challenge.
We had to make a cake to torte (ie. add filling in the middle layer).
I wish I had taken step by step pictures.

Here were the prep instructions.

We learned how to do gel transfers.
And ice a cake.
And torte (ie. Fill) a cake.

Val, Eva and I took some liberty with colour choices.
We swapped out boring blue for fabulous pink.
Here is how mine turned out.

And yes there are crumbs you can see in the frosting.
And it's definitely not smooth.
You can see that Eva's (above) is much much smoother and perfectly symmetrical.
At least I had a treat for my staff this week.

Next week is cupcakes and flowers.
We are using it to make cupcakes for Quinn's baby shower we are throwing next weekend.

Pics are from the Wilton Course One Book.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Things are good ...despite the drama

Hey y'all
Just wanted to drop a quick note...

#1 to thank you for the support and kind comments
(did I mention I love love LOVE your comments)

#2 to let you know the posts yesterday were in the interest of real time and just getting it out (why I need to blog) so I would not linger on the drama

#3 things are actually good but I haven't posted about all the great things in the last two weeks

So let's nevermind the exboyfriend drama as I'm sure it will continue for a little bit (well not Jacob specifically because I NEED to put that fire out fast)...but things are going better...the new place and a few other things have me generally feeling positive and moving in the right direction with a couple of hicc-obs hahaha

Love y'all!

Monday, September 19, 2011

A Monday Reality Check...Its "Complicated"

In the afternoon I got this email from him...
Thinks got complicated again. I was up late talking to her parents last night and her and her parents again today.
Me: What do you mean?  
Jacob:  Her parents were talking to me and she was talking to me today about how she doesn't want us to break up. I have more things to work out.
I was mad...I was furious...I sent back three rapid fire emails....
Me:I guess I don't understand  
Me:How long do you need? What do you want? Is this weekend happening or not?  
Me:If this is going to be back and forth with decision I can't do it
Jacob: I made a mistake of sharing all that info last night however many times things don't end all at once. I was acting impulsively based on the moment. I got sick Sat. and still sick and this stress with my relationship isn't helping. I feel like a head case with all this stuff going on and I can't handle this back and forth either. I need to let this relationship take its course. That can mean ending very soon or not but I have to let it take its course and not be influenced outside. I can't do anything with you until or if this is resolved and its not fair to any of us.
Me: You’re right you shouldn't have
I don't understand how you can say the things you do and then turn around and do this.
I'm very hurt
I think it is so passive to let a relationship "run it's course"
These are active decisions
I don't understand at all.
I think you are making a huge mistake But it is yours to make Your choice
(Can you tell I’m very irritated?!)
Jacob:That may be true. I got a lot going on in my head.  
Me:You shouldn't say the things you do if you are unsure
Jacob:Maybe I just need to see what happens the next few days and process things.  
Me: Read the things you wrote last night.
You said you knew it wouldn't work and it was a bf gf breakup
Why say those things?
Your decisions now affects the future Jacob:I know  
Me:Guess that is your decision So I won't bother you anymore Best wishes (Obviously my attempt to bow out gracefully)
Jacob:I need to work this stuff out and process this stuff the next few days of what is going on
Me:Do you want to be with your fiancée? (I admit using the word fiancee was a slight jab).
Jacob:I want to figure this out
Me:What does that Mean? Can you please answer the question

Jacob:I need to figure out my relationship should continue or not
Me:I guess I'm confused what changed since last night ? Jacob:I have a relationship with her family too so we have been talking a lot  
Me:Please explain
Me: Now I really feel like a back up plan for you
Jacob:I have to get this straighten figured out before I move on to someone else  
Me:I don't understand
Jacob:Im sorry you don’t  Really?  Really Jacob?!  And this where my downfall is...I totally pull emotional girl out now.  I don't know why.  I actually have yet to determine what I want out of all of this.  If there is even a viable future.  But I was now fuming at this cowardness.
Me:I don't understand based on what you told me last night and the past couple of months
Jacob:I know
Me: You told me you have never felt as strong for anyone as you do for me
That should be enough
Unless you were lying
You said we have the same lifestyle and background and that you needed that
Jacob:I know
Me:But now you don't think that?  
Jacob:I do, just have to address this at the moment
Me:We have been talking for months
You need to make a decision and stick to it because this is worse
I just don't understand how within less than 24 hours you go from last night’s conversation to this one. 
It is pretty cruel actually
Jacob:k I know your right

And that is the moment I stopped trying Monday September 19th at 6:36 pm

A Sunday Night Revelation...

Sunday (yesterday) as I was crawling into bed.
I heard it.
The familiar Bleep of an email received.

Then you know how you do the contemplation.
Do I get up and check it?
Maybe it is spam 40% off Madmen Collection at Banana.

And you know you should just close your eyes and go to sleep.
But something compels you to check it.
It was an email (well three) from Jacob.

There it was at 9:49pm.
I'm definitely 100% coming. Are you there?
Then at 9:50
Its important I need to talk to you
Then at 9:52pm
Its not complicated anymore
This made my heart race...
At 9:53
are u there?

So I quickly responded what happened and he said this...
I'm single, its not complicated and I'm not lying I was just going to text you. We broke up today. She talked to her parents about it for about 3 hours, so it won't be complicated when I see you. I am a single. I'm coming Fri

I asked what happened and if he was okay...he responded...
All breaks are sad. The truth is we don't have much in common and she hasn't been giving me any time. I brought up the subject because I felt like it was mutual and she agreed and that's the short of it.  There is no chance of me coming. It's definite. Do you still want to see me now?

I was full fledge panicking for some reason...something about how he said she hadn't been giving him any time...that weirded me out.  When I probed about it...he said,
Teagan the truth is too I can't stop thinking about you and never had the connection like we had

I actually for once was really honest about my feelings ...I let him know I was nervous.
He said, Teagan nervous is ok, I am too. What are you nervous about? I'm not coming there to have sex. I'm coming because I can't stop thinking about you and still love you and I want us.

I said I was nervous because I didn't want to be a back up plan, a consolation prize.
What do you mean backup plan? I brought it up because I wasn't happy and I knew she wasn't either.  Its not like a wedding was being planned or anything, so its more of a gf bf break up. Teagan, I want to see you and we need to see if we should be together we owe it to ourselves. We can take it slow if you want.  We were together for a year and half and still think about each other these past 3 years. We have something there.

I admit I had some reservations.
But then he said
I also think we have both learned from our relationships after and for that we will be that much better now.
I miss you too. I know I didn't make the compromises before but I am ready now and will start by coming to canada friday.
I'm going to update my cell plan so I can call you and we can talk tues or wed. before I come so its not just online. (He always was practical haha).

I had to admit at least now I wouldn't have the guilt...but I wanted to make sure.
So I asked how he knew for sure this was the right decision...
He replied...Well we haven't been intimate regularly and not seeing each other more than once a week which is not normal if your engaged. I had to bring up the subject if she wanted to be with me still and we both agreed that we have nothing in common, etc. Yes I think you are right on the timing. No more waiting  Things are 100% real now. No situations, no excuses.

So we ended our emailing back and forth (now it was just after 11pm).
I should have know by the amount of tossing and turning I did last night.
Things couldn't be that easy.
But I never learn...

Jacob called off his engagement.
Holy crap.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Back Online

I'm back!
Can't believe it took me this long to get access to the internet!
SO much to catch up on.
And I will as soon as possible.

Hmmm let me see if I can give you a Top Ten of things that have happened/in process.

10.  New place almost done getting everything together. (Obviously a post about this to come).

9.  In line with that...there was a desk purchase which ended up a little dramatic.

8.  Jacob says he is coming here to weekend.

7.  Started the cake decorating class last week with Eva and Val.  Lots of fun and great to see each other on a weekly basis.

6.  This was the first weekend that FLEW by.  I hate to say it but sometimes they barely crawl by.  Especially when I'm acting like a hermit.
5. See how I slipped # 8 in there like maybe you guys wouldn't even notice?!

4.  I almost didn't even remember that this past Saturday would have been my wedding...almost.

3.   The girls wanted to let me know about I am loved and supported...they remembered this weekend and what it almost was too.  (Obviously there will be a post about this).

2.  Jane's 30th Birthday Party Weekend was this weekend (pedicures, an amazing restaurant, skit comedy club, cake and wine).

1.  I think I'm getting closer to being okay or at least myself...I think.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

My Wedding Day...just kidding

I tried to ignore the fact that today was to be my wedding day.
Only life was like, "Just kidding".
Life can be funny like that.

At least I got to focus on the fun weekend for Jane's 30th birthday bash!
Brooke drove from Ottawa to Kingston to meet up with Jane and they actually drove into Toronto Friday night.
We had a fabulous night of wine, cheese, and more wine.
Val met us at my new place and we broke it in with it's first little party.

We stayed up late watching Something Borrowed (my new favourite movie).
Saturday we got up and made breakfast before heading to ...West Elm.
Thank goodness for my ladies because that desk comes in a huge heavy box!

The store is gorgeous and stunning and I can't wait to go back again.
It is the first and only West Elm in Canada.
So that new white desk was coming home with me :)
After we battled downtown traffic to pick it up we hurried back to my place to meet Val and Eva for birthday pedicures.

My toes now have on "I"m not really a waitress" perfect for this cooling fall weather and a classic OPI colour.

Then we headed to a wonderful restaurant in Burlington so that Quinn could join us.
Her being preggo and oncall for work made it better for us to head there.
It's called Spencer's and it's right on the water. was the wedding reception being held there too.
So much for trying to block weddings from my mind that day.

I had the lobster which was delicious.
I have never thought of putting french fries with lobster.
But it came in a paper cone and every time I've had french fries in a paper cone they do NOT disappoint.

Eva made Jane's cake from our new skill of cake decorating in Week One - Stars (more about that later).
Isn't it amazing?!
Purple is Jane's favourite colour.

She CUT the cakes from rectangular ones she didn't use a "3" pan or anything.
Eva is definitely our talented Martha Stewart friend (much like Taylor-the totally remind me of each other).
Maybe that's why they are my besties!

So they all at one point had consequtively stepped into the bathroom after I started the trend.
But then Brooke came back carrying a plant.
I thought she had taken it maybe from the fancy bathroom (but wait we weren't that tipsy yet!)

So they gave it to me (the plant).

Plus a box of my favourite dessert treat (macarons).
These ones are from Bobette and Belle in Toronto.

And a card.
So was I.
Until I read the front of the card.

And it was because they remembered.
They remembered what today could have been.
And this year.
And I quickly blinked back tears.
And they all just said to read it later.

And I thanked them.
As I tried to keep the tears back.
Even though it was Jane's 30th birthday and I didn't really mention it to them.
They remembered.
Because that is what best friends do.
And I felt hope and I felt loved and I felt incredibly lucky.

Moving on because I'm tearing up again.
We then headed to Second City.
Don't know what that is...
Side note:
The Second City opened its doors on
a snowy Chicago night in December of 1959.
No one could have guessed that this small cabaret
theatre would become the most influential
and prolific comedy theatre in the world.

Soon, Second City's sister-theatre in Canada
developed its own sketch comedy series, SCTV,
hailed as one of the greatest comedy series of all time
and featuring an all-star cast that included
Martin Short, Andrea Martin, Catherine O'Hara,
John Candy, Eugene Levy, Dave Thomas,
Joe Flaherty and Rick Moranis.

Today, The Second City continues to produce
the premiere comic talent in the industry.
From Mike Myers to Steve Carell,
Stephen Colbert to Tina Fey
– The Second City imprint is felt across every
entertainment medium.

It is pretty much a Saturday Night Live type sketch comedy.
It was hilarious and we were rolling with laughter.
I definitely recommend.
And who knows maybe you will see the next Tina Fey out there.
Before we knew it it was 1am so we all headed back to Eva's for a sleepover.

The next morning she made us a big breakfast before we all headed our seperate ways.
Jane, Brooke and I went to a few shops.
Then we came back to my place for them to help me set up the desk!

We opened the box to discover.
A chip on one of the front drawers!

Which is really noticible on the front of the desk especially because the finish is a gorgeous white shiny lacquer.
So I called West Elm and there FABULOUS customer service arranged to deliver a new desk and exchange the old one. (Which thank goodness because it is heavy and too big of a box for me to manuever all alone).  So I had to be patient before I could get it all set up.

Then we went to sort of this less then nice area in Toronto so I could find a 5 drawer dresser.
Everywhere basically they were $800 +.
Even places like West Elm and Restoration Hardware (that is more like $1200) and other stores like The Brick.
I guess it is because that is where those places make money.  Often their bedroom sets will not include the 5 drawer dressers (usually they are like a bed frame, longer dresser with mirror and night stands).
So we went to this area and the first couple of stores had the same kind of pricing.
Then we were in this one place.
And used our negotiating skills.
And offered to take the floor model (which was missing some drawer pulls).
And were able to score this bad boy for $200 (including taxes!!!).
It was the display and we offered to get it off his hands right then and there.
So we hauled it back to my place (thank goodness for Brooke and Jane).

Then they left for home.
So I sat down with a cup of coffee and my macarons and my card.
And read it and bawled my eyes out (in a totally good way).
Go ahead read it.
I challenge you not to cry.

Pics from here, here, here, here, here, here, here,