Fifth Date Bail

So after my insecure ranting earlier last week.
He did text me about his busy week and asked what my plans were for the weekend.
I agreed to a Sunday date and asked him what he had in mind.
He thought it was my turn to pick...and said he was expecting big things.

I confirmed Saturday night that we were still good to go for Sunday.
He was on his way to a wedding.
I was on my way to Laurel's husband's birthday party.

So I came up with a grand plan of doing my favourite things.
I made early dinner reservations at my fav little Italian place downtown.
And booked us tickets to Second City (Sketch Comedy just like SNL).
And planned for drinks at my fav drink place Cocktail Bar.

So in planning it all I even though I would pick him up.
It's getting colder here and being a Sunday night I knew I wouldn't be drinking.
So around 1pm Sunday I text him "just wanted to touch base about tonight...any way you could be ready for 445?  I mean since you live in the suburbs and all we need a little extra time to make it to the reservation on time ;)" (I joke that he lives in the suburbs though he really just lives "uptown".
He immediately called me.
AND...he wanted to push plans back until 8ish because he got called into work.  He was literally on his way to a 2pm meeting and didn't think he would be ready to go until after 7:30.

Of course I plastered a fake smile on my face and said it was no big deal and reservations could be changed.
He said he felt bad and wanted to know what I planned.  I told him no worried because I didn't want him to feel bad because this was out of his control.  And I would let him know what we could do.
Did I mention the tickets to Second City are nonrefundable or exchangeable?
So I sat there for a minute...partly frustrated and partly annoyed.

Then I texted him back saying "Hey let's just reschedule for another night if that's cool.  Good luck at work today!"  I decided rather than eat the cost of the tickets I would go with my girlfriend S instead.
His response "Ok...Sorry again, hopefully I didn't upset you.  This rarely happens but every once in a while they call on us during the weekend."
My response "I understand it's important."
His response "Ok thanks".

And I went off on my "date night" with S.
We had a great time but I found myself glancing at my phone wondering if he would text or call.
And nada...haven't heard from him since Sunday afternoon.
And I just keep coming back to maybe he's just not that into me.
That's why you date I guess.
To see if you're compatible.
To see what the other person is like.
This is what he is like...

Pump the brakes

I had a crazy weekend.
Coming off my first week back to work after vacation is always busy in itself.
Friday night I finally got to unpack and do laundry.

Saturday I woke up early and spent the day in meetings.
It's for this side project I haven't mentioned but it certainly is causing me a lot of stress.
From there I had to rush home and change into my Halloween costume.

This year I was the Silk Spectre II.
aka a costume only true nerds like myself would know.  
Downside...no one knew what I was.  
Upside...no one else was dressed like it.

Pic from here

I ended up taking a cab to MrTrader's house afterward.
Where we drunkingly joked around and had a fun night.
Only...here's a quirk I haven't dealt with as of yet...someone who showers ummm every time RIGHT after...is that weird?
Should I take it to mean he thinks that's dirty or I'm dirty or something?  All I know is that I should have been gutsy and self-confident and jumped right on in there with him but I don't.
Instead I lay there and over think things.

Anywho I also of course make things always terribly awkward because lets face it I'm terribly awkward.
I think I made a comment about how I think he is way more "experienced" than I am.
I cringe everytime I think of Sunday morning.
Purely based on my behaviour.

While things likely won't work out (let's be real when do they?) I find myself kind of hoping that at least I get another chance to redeem myself.  I mean more in the personality sense.
I think I came across really insecure and not myself Sunday morning.
I heard from him via one text yesterday and nothing today.

So of course in my mind I think he's totally lost interest.
And then I go back and forth on if I should call him or text him....and then I talk myself out of doing that.  Ugh!
I'm probably overthinking it...that or my instinct is bang on.

Either way I think I need to pump the brakes a little bit.
Just for myself...given the absolute madness of these last two to three weeks.
I need to slow things down.
Which is much harder when you're already feel like you're flying down a hill.

start and finish

Pic from here

Y'all I just got back form an epic trip to Dallas.
My goodness it was so fun and just flew by!
A catch up post will come but first I wanted to give you the juicy gossip of how I started and finished my trip in a similar manner. 

• What I thought would be a smooth trip became...

A nail in the side wall of my tire and an emergency car switcheroo with my parents to catch my flight (on the way there).
My expected 4.5 hour journey became 8.5 hours due to some kind of border delay ridiculousness (on the way back).

• I was hungover BADLY on the way there and back.

On the way there because I had dinner with MrTrader and a bottle of wine and beverages at a bar later (the Friday night on the way there).

I went to Weber's in Ann Arbor and met up with Will and his crew who were out.  My flight landed at 10:45pm and I thought it better to stay at Will's for the night instead of driving home (on the way back).

In the interests of being honest I suppose I can tell you also...

On the way there those late night drinks with MrTrader turned into a sleepover of the randy sort.  Only y'all I so was not prepared for all that to go down.  I'm talking I wore black tights in lieu of shaving my legs etc unprepared.  I'm talking first day of my period unprepared.  I'm talking probably worst way to ever ummm "start" things off.  I literally thought I would not hear from him again but we exchanged a few texts during the week when I was in Texas AND we have date #4 on the calendar for tomorrow.  Maybe he was just as drunk as I was?!

On the way back...well everyone in grad school assumed Will and I hooked up...so that happened after one too many drinks and before I knew it things...happened.  But don't worry I made things sufficiently awkward in the morning when I was shy and embarrassed and naked didn't know how to handle the situation.  Will called me out for being awkward.  

So I oddly started and finished my trip in an awkward, slutty, hungover and very embarrassed fashion.

a second date fail and a second date pass

Pic from here

This seemed to be the weekend of second dates.
Well two of them at least lol.
So Saturday night I met up with the guy from this first date.

I met him downtown and we headed out for dinner and a movie.
There were again the same awkward stops in conversation.
I found myself searching for topics to chat about.
And he kept leaning to the side (there was a TV behind me that happened to have a hockey game on)...which I found extremely rude.
Heck if he wanted to watch the game he could have suggested wings and drinks and I would have happily watched the game.

And then the bill came and he asked if I wanted to split it.
And I did (though I didn't want to because the restaurant was his pick and he invited me).
It just was weird and I found myself in a little bit of a panic at the end of the date.
Like hoping he wouldn't kiss me or suggest to get together again.
I think I was sufficiently awkward and standing away that he only asked to get together again.
I let him know that I didn't think we were a match romantically.

I met up with Kai at her place after (soon to also be my apartment building too!)
And we both hoped for a better second date the next morning.
So this morning I the guy from this first date for brunch at The Rebel House.

Pic from here

He was on time this time lol.
And with him there is more just "click".
I found myself giggling and really enjoying myself.
Our brunch lasted three hours that seemed to fly by.

And we made plans for Friday night for a third date.
My last night in Toronto before I head to Dallas!
We walked a little down the road before we said goodbye with a quick kiss.
And it was good and totally made up for the not so good second date the night before.

ding!

Pic from here

Friday night and I've busied myself going through things and really trying to get rid of stuff I don't need.
How did I accumulate all of this in just over two years?!
So I'm just minding my business when...ding!

You guessed it.
MrAttorney...
"Hey I was cleaning up my place believe it or not and there's a belt.
Did you want your belt?"

I guess this is the point where I'm supposed to step it up and be a little mean, right AccidentallyMe?
Only why am I just hurt and bothered.
WHY message me if you don't want to be with me?
Every time I think I for sure have gotten to the point where I definitely won't hear from him...
Ding!

PS and tomorrow I will fill you in on how out of no where guys are just coming out of the woodwork...I'll give you a hint...Mr from this past February/March...seriously

sucker

Pic from here

So I'm just getting ready to go out tonight for Laurel's birthday.
Unfortunately the food truck festival we were going to is rained out!
So we have a back plan (that may be MrAttorneys latest recommendation to me...well latest as before we stopped hanging out)...fingers crossed that I don't see him.

Especially since he texted me this afternoon.
To say "found these".
And by these he meant a bottle of Vitamin C and Zinc I had brought him 3 months ago when he was sick.
Then when I got sick a month later he couldn't find them among his packed boxes from moving.
I teased him that he always lost things.
Well I guess he eventually found them.
And texted me a pic.
Seriously what the heck am I supposed to do with that?
(I didn't respond in case you're wondering).

And in other whattheheck news today.
Remember MrDentalSurgeon from last year.
It totally fizzled out at the end of last summer.
He texted me today, "Que pasa Miss Teagan.  How have you been ? :)"
What the heck is going on with my life?

Oh and I have a date Thursday.
My life is total chaos!

waiting.

So this morning the first random thing was this auto generated email about an e-money transfer that was from a few weeks back from MrAttorney.
Long story short I don't pay the extra bank fees to be able to accept email money transfers.
So he had sent me one and then ended up giving me a cheque instead.

Of course this morning when I woke up I saw an email in my inbox from MrAttorney and my heart started beating faster...only it was the auto generated e-transfer announcement thing.
Last night I went over to Kai's house (one of my girl friends who was also a bridesmaid in Laurel's wedding) and we went out but both of us weren't feeling it.

She had her heart broken weeks before I did.
So she sympathized with the email this morning.
Then we headed out to brunch and at 10:34am my phone rang.
Only I missed the call.
Then MrAttorney texted, "can you please gimme a shout when you can".

Easy Restaurant...for an easy brunch :)

After consulting with Kai I went with a "just out for brunch...what's up?
And nothing.
So a few hours later I called him....he answered and let me know he was out to brunch with his family.

So now I'm just waiting for him to call back.
Only he is randomly texting me about this brunch place.
And I'm just sitting here waiting...

Maybe I'm a Masochist

So y'all despite all your reservations...
I went to the CNE with MrAttorney.
(Recall this is like the Texas State Fair only in Toronto).
We both had never been.

Pic from here 

It had been a week since I'd seen him.
Where dinner turned into a sleepover which turned into me cracking a joke about how it was the longest most drawn out breakup in history.
Only we immediately fell back into the pattern of 20-30 emails/text/etc.

So we head to the CNE.
Where there are such great things as fried butter (I believe the Texas State Fair originated this).

Pic from here

To the Epic Burger stand that got shut down due a whole lot of food poisoning from the Canadian rip off of  the Cronut Burger.

Pic from here

I wore a white dress.
Heck it was Labour Day!
Last chance to sport white.
He commented that I was the classiest looking woman at the CNE.

Pic from here

We wandered around first sampling such things as Korean Tacos, Curly Fries, Fresh Squeezed Lemonade and Funnel Cakes (I know not very adventurous but all the deep fried weird stuff didn't sound that appealing.
We headed to watch my favourite part Superdogs (basically a dog show with racing, Frisbee catching)...the type of things that draws the families.

Pic from here

My favourite part was the wine pavillion that had a three piece string band...triplet??? Is there a name for that?
And we sat there and legit made a PRO CON list.
I'll spare you the details but PRO list was 12 items long.
The CON list was one item "the fact that he was unsure/not ready".

And we walked around and as our conversation went round and round as it usually does.
And finally I said, "I can't anymore MrAttorney.  It's been five months and in my experience I don't know usually means no".
His response was "you've never "not known" ever before?"
And I replied, "yup but when I didn't know it was because I didn't really like the person for whatever reason."

And as we walked out of the CNE earlier than expected...no fireworks for this girl...in many aspects.
He kept trying to put his arm around me and pull me into him and grab my hand.
And each time I would pull away and say "you're making this really difficult".

We finally arrived at my car (I parked at his condo which is only a short walk from the CNE).
And he kept saying "I want you to know how much I like you and how much I care about you.
My reply, "MrAttorney it does not matter."
I started to cry (and pulled my sunglasses on to make it not so obvious).
He tried to hug and kiss me on the check and I said "no you do not get to make me cry and then try to comfort me".

He asked me to text him when I got home.
I said "no...this is it...no calls/no texts/ no emails...it's too hard for me".
And with that I hopped into my car and drove off with a sad little wave in response to his wave goodbye.
And promptly sobbed the entire drive home.
And that is how MrAttorney and I broke up.

And then he sent me 10 text message pictures of our afternoon at the state fair.

it's been a long weekend

So I've been trying to keep myself distracted.
Friday night I headed out to see B's new place with the rest of the Canada Crew.
We headed over to a pub for some drinks and food.
I'm going to pretend I wasn't totally distracted and thinking about MrAttorney especially when he texted and called.
I may have texted him back that night.

Then Saturday I woke up early to help my friend Kay move downtown.
What a bitter pill jealousy is to swallow.
I wish I was moving downtown.
And again the volley of texts back and forth between MrAttorney and myself is almost comical.

Moving is never this fun!

It is the second time I helped someone move in the last two months.
The first time was MrAttorney.
It always blows my mind because the last 15% of stuff out of a place is the WORST to move.
And both MrAttorney and Kay kind of aren't the most organized people.

Anywho I ended up calling B in for re-enforcement due to Kay's miscalculation of only 3 boxes and a rack of clothes became my SUV filled to the max.
After we moved her in she took us for DimSum.

One of my fav places in the city for dim sum...totally ornate and so fun!  Also going to ignore that I found out about this place from going with MrAttorney.  But it literally is across the street from Kay's new apartment.

And then made to order cookies...at The Red Bench.
Kind of like the Marble Slab Ice cream place where you pick the base and then the mix ins.
Only they make hot yummy mini cookies!!!
My new fav place for dessert.



And I'm trying to be upbeat and my usual self but I know I'm just kind of sad.
And my friends see it.
Kay told me "you need to go no contact on his ass!" 
I know this is the right thing to do but boy am I struggling.

Here I go to trying to make the second half of this long weekend a bit better than the first half.
Or at least try to distract myself...

day drunk

I got home just about a half hour ago.
From a summer day with no plans to getting day drunk.
So I got up this morning and it was rainy and dreary.

I headed to Mississauga (a suburb just west of Toronto) to help out one of the girls.
I sat on a food panel for her sampling 21 veggie burgers and rating them.
She works in a food lab for a major grocery chain here.

After that MrAttorney suggested I come hang out for a bit.
I went past his new condo and we decided to head to this patio for a drink and some snacks.
His cousin is visiting/living with him after just having completed his MBA in the UK.
And then the sun came out and it was perfect patio weather.

Pic form here

And before I knew it one pitcher of sangria turned into two pitchers of sangria.
And just like that I was day drunk.
MrAttorney's cousin suggested we make sandwiches so then there we were in the grocery store trying to figure out the bread slicer machine.

And after a sandwich we all decided to have naps.
Well there was a little less sleeping in MrAttorney's room.
And yes we had more of a conversation as well.

He doesn't understand why he can't have more time.
He said he moves slow.
He wants something between seeing each other and official.
He says we are still getting to know each other.
He said he loves spending time with me and misses me when we aren't together but just isn't ready.
And I just don't know what to do with that.
So I just get day drunk and try to block out that he will probably break my heart.
And yes for the record I'm probably being a little dramatic.

the seventh

Pic from here

So after a super long week I kind of bailed on my Friday night plans with MrAttorney
Well we didn't actually have plans...
But when he found out I didn't he invited me to join him and his friends downtown
Only I wasn't feeling it

On Saturday I had to meet my parents in Waterloo to pick up my ($200 repair) on my car
We couldn't really come up with plans.
Which sort of made me cranky.

The though spot where you don't want to be high maintenance but when things don't really seem to be working out.
He headed up to my area of town and we tried to go eat at one place but they gave us only 15 minutes until the kitchen closing.
So we ended up heading to the Shops at Don Mills to go to the Bier Market.

Where we proceeded to have a great time.
I felt bad for sort of being difficult with finding a place to go eat.
Which is annoying because I have so much fun with him.

He is very kind to me even if he does like to tease me a little.
He often does sweet things.
Like the next morning when I was feeling a little hung over he went to go pick me up some Gatorade while I continued to sleep.

I took him to my favourite breakfast place in the city Hammersmiths.
Before we headed back to my place for a short nap while we watched episodes of Breaking Bad.
I had Cinco de Mayo plans with the CanadaCrew so MrAttorney suggested I plan on staying at his place so I could partake in margaritas with my lunch.

He even dropped me off the Drake where I was meeting up with everyone.
After I had a great afternoon eating tacos and drinking one too many margaritas on a patio he even came to pick me up.
We ordered take out from Pizzeria Libretto and just had a relaxing early night to sleep.

This morning it was only a little awkward when we ran into one of his neighbours at 7am in the hallway.
Him CLEARLY carrying my sorority print overnight bag and me carrying cowboy boots in one hand.
I'm starting to like him too much for my own good.

Oh yeah and just to up his amazing-ness factor.
He speaks French fluently.
I mean... seriously!

Busy

Pic from here

Y'all I'm not sure how this happens every few weeks.
Where I randomly stop blogging.
And then rush to catch up.

Oops...let's see what has all happened since I last wrote...

• Valentine's Day; it sucked, I had some nice messages but Valentine's Day is SO much better when you're in love.
• Headed home for my younger brother's birthday.
• Heading home I randomly met a guy who I didn't think was into me and is way too young but somehow ended up at a Swedish House Mafia concert and him sleeping over at my place the following weekend.
• Had a first day with a pretty interesting guy (different guy then above).
• Hosted a bookclub at my place.
• Got new glasses.
• Had a second date with the pretty interesting guy.
• Hosted an Oscar party.
• And am currently procrastinating from getting ready for a first date with a different boy.

So what have you been up to?

I will catch up on all these posts in the next coming days.

Promise.

Another first

Pic from here

So I broke back into dating last Sunday!
And I was so nervous.
Actually felt sick to my stomach about it.

But it was okay.
Not amazing but okay.
A Starbucks coffee date which is fine...a little uncreative but fine.
With the right person and spark and chemistry a Starbucks date is fabulous but for a first date it is a tough choice.
At least I got the jitters out a little before I go full fledged into this craziness again.

Another funny guy who said he was 5'11"
For clarity I'm all of 5'3 and 1/2" (the 1/2" is clearly important).  
And when we had the awkward hug goodbye (ugh the goodbye is like the WORST part of the first date for me).  And again I was the overhugger (I've written here about that before lol).
I was in flats...so yeah there is no way this dude was 5'11".

Also you know on a first date I try to pick a cute outfit, do my hair, a little makeup.
He wore jeans and athletic running shoes (which basically gives me hives I cannot STAND that style).  A t-shirt with a zip pull over.  
I guess I'm more of a formal/dress up kind of person.
Or maybe I'm just being ridiculously picky.
At least I got it out of the way...I hope it is not indicative of the next few will be lol.

Sequins and Fur

This weekend was fun and fabulous.
I already let you know I hit up my second yoga class off Passport to Prana Saturday morning.
Then I helped her go to the fabric store to help pick out blouse fabric for the Indian Wedding Sarees for her mother.

Then I headed home to shower before going downtown to meet S and E for H's birthday.
All girls from the CanadaCrew.
So S and E are currently living on a ship that's docked in Toronto 
(seriously that's a whole other story).
So that how I ended up having drinks beforehand on a ship.

Seriously they live on this ship...so we had drinks there before heading out.  Pick form here

Then we headed to Ossington street in Toronto and ended up at The Painted Lady.
And it was jam packed.
And we drank and danced and had a fun girly night out.
And I totally wore the LaRok sequined mini dress (from this post) and my fur coat (you can see a pic in this post) and generally created a scene Saturday night because of my outfit lol.

The next day I was at Laurel's place to help narrow down cake choices for the wedding.
Then they hosted a small Super Bowl party.
We had chicken wings and beer and it was a really nice relaxing and unwinding weekend.
I loved every bit of it.
Did you get up to anything fun?

Spa Saturday

So I told you I was up early Saturday...
And it was because we were headed to the spa.
Which spa?
Le Scandinave Spa at Blue Mountain in Collingwood, Ontario!

It's about 2 hours north of Toronto.
So we loaded up a car load of girls from my sorority alumni and headed north.

And it was amazing!
The sequence of what you're supposed to do is HOT THERAPY (hot tub/steam room/sauna).

Pic from the official website.

The Eucalyptus Steam Room pic from the official website.

Followed by a COLD PLUNGE (pools/snow (seriously welcome to Canada)).
And finally follow that with relaxing in one of the relaxation rooms or outdoor fireplace.
And simply repeat as much as you like.

It was pretty busy...and just gorgeous.
I would love to take some of my Texas girls (like Taylor and PinkSunDrops) to experience this because I'm guessing they haven't done anything like this.

These were two of the hot pools...you can see where you hang the robes and towels.

The snow covered roof to the left of the silo housed one of the relaxation rooms.  The silver silo was a Eucalyptus steam room.  The pool to the right was one of the cold plunge pools 55F.

Hard to tell but there is a fire pit at the top of the picture surrounded by Muskoka/Adirondack chairs.

Gives you a better idea of one of the fire pit things picture from the official website.

We even sat in chairs covered in snow...you should see our faces in THAT picture lol!
After that we had a quick snack of fruit/cheese/crackers before heading back to Toronto.
Laurel invited me out for dinner with her fiance and B so I joined.

We went to The Works Burger Bar.

pic from here

It was a fairly good burger place.
And I would go back.
However I get that they were trying to do something different with their glasses but I didn't love the measuring cup idea.

After a full on spa day (and I think it's quite hilarious that we finished it with burgers lol how healthy!)
I was beat and just headed home to relax.
A simply great Saturday!

unexpected delivery

So remember when I wrote about it being the end of things with MrRealtor.
Well on Friday at work I was running around keeping busy when...
These came...

Y'all know I detest getting flowers at work.
I wouldn't mind if I was married etc. BUT because it increases staff gossip.
And it's embarrassing.
ESPECIALLY with this card attached NOT in a freaking envelope.

Don't you think if the florist reads this then CLEARLY it should have gone in an envelope?
Anyway it was HUMILIATING.
I mean you know where I live why not send them to my home?

Anywho...so I didn't respond.
And I went to sleep fairly early on Friday because the weather was horrible and I had a fun filled day for Saturday (more about that later).

And when I woke up at 6:45am I realized I had some unanswered messages on my phone.

Seriously a phone call drunk dial at 2:19AM?
And a text later.
Yup unanswered because I don't even know how to respond.
Why can't the guys I like be this persistent?

almost another picture to burn

So last night I had a get together with MrRealtor to close things off.
Put the final nail in the coffin if you will.
And we talked round and round in circles.

And I somehow ended up with these...

Seriously.
I'm the worst break-upper ever.

He leaves for the Caribbean tomorrow morning for a bachelor party for 5 days.
So it is delayed a little while longer.
Y'all I suck at breaking up.

Like literally there was a point where I was like...so ummm have you ever seen the movie the breakup?
(He hadn't).
And I said "oh...well there's this part when she want's him to help her clean up but she WANT him to WANT to help her to clean up only the guy is like "who in their right mind want's to clean up"" anddddddddd he still didn't get it.
Sigh.

And how I know I just should have bit the bullet.
I didn't really want to kiss him.
And I seriously dreamed about kissing my classmate.
I.totally.suck.

PS if you've never seen The Break Up ...here's the trailer ...it has that part in it.

Going through the motions...

Pic from here

Totally feel like I'm on autopilot.
As per usual a feeling of unrest.
Ever feel a half beat behind?
It reminds me of being able to spot cheerleaders (my sport of choice) if they were "cheating" and following teammates choreography...super easy to pick up on because they were always about half a beat behind.

Only it sort of feels like that is happening to me in real life.
As I'm slugging through this job.
Dating/not dating/sort of dating.
Seeing old friendships melt away/new ones develop/finding my groove but not finding my groove...

Watching everyone else's lives HAPPEN.
The countless foray of birthdays/baby showers/engagements/weddings/etc.
(I'm pretty sure I'm using foray incorrectly but it sounds right at this moment).
The things that seem to be happening for everyone else (but me).

Doesn't help this morning that one of my old flatmates from Singapore facebooked me to invite me to his wedding...in 19 days.
With the lovely reminder "you promised you would come to my wedding".
I also figured I would have more than 19 days notice to get to the other side of the world!

Nevermind the last minute flight cost is hovering around the $3000 mark and would involve me flying out 8amish on a Thursday arrive at 6:20pm on a Friday...wedding Saturday and having to leave Sunday at 11:30pm and arrive back Monday at 12:10pm...I would officially spend more time in the air then on the ground!
I honestly wouldn't think twice if I had the money but between my Kate Spade splurge's in Dallas and being a little social butterfly...I'm stretched super thin financially...them's the breaks when you are flying solo.

But the guilt I feel...sucks.
Along with the slight emerald eyed twinge of when the F*CK will it ever be my turn.
I'm in a totally pissy mood.
Which is NOT very becoming.
Something's got to change...