Trip to see Taylor!!!!

Friday, January 7, 2011

Chapter X-23: these are my confessions

So I have a confession
For the last 3-4 weeks (in the midst of my deep dark hole/depression) I've been speaking to one of the EX's.
You read that right.
And in the interest of my exboyfriend project and my promise to try and be as open and honest as possible I realized...hmmm why aren't I writing about Jacob because we have been talking these last 3-4 weeks.  Probably I was worried about being doesn't make my heartache from Spencer any less (it IS just a distraction)  I wish it was Spencer I was talking to but you can't force someone to want to talk to you.

Let's see how did it all start...

Well this past August 2010 when I was happily engaged/married planning out our HUGE engagement celebration in Canada.  I got an email from JH.
It basically was this...

HIM: Date: Wed, Aug 25, 2010 at 3:15 PM  Teagan, How have you been? How are you doing?
Me  Date: Sat, Aug 28, 2010 at 10:21 AM Jacob, I'm great.  How are you?
HIM: Sat, Aug 28, 2010 at 5:16 PM  I'm good, how is the engagement going?
I don't respond because this wouldn't go anywhere good because as far as I was concerned my engagement was going GREAT? (boy was I stupid) and I didn't want to at all chance ruining my relationship
HIM: Date: Mon, Aug 30, 2010 at 12:31 PM  Are you still engaged?  At this point after consulting with the girls I decided I needed to write back.
Me: Date: Mon, Aug 30, 2010 at 5:04 PM  Yes I'm still happily engaged and we set a date for next year.  I'm kind of surprised that you are contacting me now though.
HIM: Date: Mon, Aug 30, 2010 at 5:05 PM  Just to say hi really and see how work is, I'm in a relationship and will be engaged in a few months ring is purchased and all.

So clearly I did not respond to this AT ALL.
Then he tried again ...and sometimes Jacob has this radar...when my life is in total and utter upheaval he contacts me.  It happened right before I moved to Asia in May 2009 (but you will have to wait for that juicy post). 

Then no word from him for 3 months then this past November...
HIM:  Date: Sun, Nov 14, 2010 at 11:42 AM  Hey, Where did you or your parents get that thing that dispenses the wine and sits on the table (the glass one where you slide the bottom of it
to dispense)? Thanks. Jacob
Me: Date: Mon, Nov 15, 2010 at 2:38 PM Jacob,I attached the link with the article where I found the decanter myself.  I think the model I have is the Grapevine but that is from a few years ago.  I'm sure there are newer and better models and I know you can get it in multiple places...I can't remember specifically where I ordered mine from.  Teagan I do have to say it is a FABULOUS decanter and we use it all the time especially entertaining.
HIM:  Date: Mon, Nov 15, 2010 at 3:23 PM Thanks I appreciate it. I liked it.

Okay so whey did he need to contact me for this?  Put it this way if you "google" wine decanter it is one of the first ones that pops up.  If you go to and type in wine decanter it is the FIRST did he really have trouble finding it?  I was trying to be nice and give him his information...and hey why not?  So didn't hear from him again for about a month then...

It happened again 3 or 4 weeks ago with a simple message.
A few weeks ago Taylor and I switched from gmail chat to skype becuase of speed.  I just had opened a skype account (as in Taylor is the only person on my skype account) and within 5 minutes of downloading it and logging on I had a skype contact request.  It was Jacob.

Then our convos progressed to this (totally unintentionally and I have to admit any attention right now I drink it in like someone who has been wandering the desert for 3 days without water)...when I didn't sign out of Skype
[11:37:39 AM] JH: are u there
[2:16:37 PM] JH: are u there
[5:46:37 PM] JH: Zuzu!!!! :) (pet name will have to explain THAT later)
[5:57:43 PM] Me: hi (finally home from work)
[5:58:02 PM] JH: there you are
[5:58:06 PM] JH: lol
[5:58:16 PM] Me: i know right we were playing skype tag
[5:58:28 PM] JH: yep
[5:58:34 PM] JH: what have u been up to
[5:58:39 PM] Me: a lot of stuff
[5:58:47 PM] Me: making some plans
[5:58:52 PM] JH: like what
[5:59:07 PM] Me: you know me i'm just a planner
[5:59:14 PM] Me: sorting out new years eve etc
[5:59:19 PM] JH: gotcha
[5:59:44 PM] Me: the girls and i rented this fantastic lake house on the ottawa river
[5:59:53 PM] JH: cool sounds like fun
[6:00:28 PM] JH: how is yr family
[6:00:53 PM] Me: good same old
[6:00:56 PM] Me: how is yours
[6:01:16 PM] JH: good same
[6:01:53 PM] Me: got plans for new years eve?
[6:02:19 PM] JH: no
[6:02:41 PM] Me: i totally think we missed the countdown one year cause we fell asleep haha  (we were at his parents house (housesitting) and totally fell asleep on the couch and missed the countdown)
[6:02:54 PM] JH: when was that pic of u taken, you look great (gosh I sure do miss complements)
[6:02:56 PM] JH: haha
[6:03:02 PM] Me: sept (true story it is actually one of the engagement pics of me by myself~cringe)
[6:03:38 PM] Me: thanks i've been working out pretty good and just taking care of myself \;0 (well I had at the time...before I lost 15lbs because not eating from heartbreak will do that to you)
[6:03:45 PM] Me: :)
[6:05:05 PM] JH: i been training too, may do a powerlifting comp next year, Im lean and abt same wgt as w u, and my bench is 350, deadlift 550 and squat 425
[6:05:46 PM] Me: wow that is super impressive...that is great i'm sure you would do real well in a comp
[6:06:14 PM] JH: there is a pro powerlifter next door to us and he trains me weekly on technical components I train so much different than I use too
[6:07:08 PM] Me: that is really good friend does the fitness competitions in canada but i really don't like how she looks other than her shows...arms and legs just seem big for a chick haha
[6:07:34 PM] JH: u always looked good  (wow I SURE did need to hear that right about now)
[6:07:47 PM] Me: no wonder I look forward to talking to you haha
[6:08:00 PM] Me: that is really very sweet
[6:08:28 PM] JH: how do yr parents feel abt yr situation (cue slamming break sound in my head ...wait how does he KNOW???)
[6:09:13 PM] Me: one...don't really know how to put it
[6:09:30 PM] JH: do they like yr fiance (PHEW he doesn't know).
[6:10:07 PM] Me: well i may as well just tell you...but i'm nervous to tell you
[6:10:40 PM] JH: ?
[6:10:52 PM] Me: not my fiance anymore
[6:10:58 PM] JH: what happened
[6:11:08 PM] Jh: why are u nervous to tell me
[6:11:17 PM] Me: a couple of different things "happened"
[6:11:41 PM] Me: because honestly I look forward to talking to you
[6:12:01 PM] JH: why would u be nervoise
[6:12:05 PM] JH: nervous
[6:12:51 PM] Me: just cause
[6:12:56 PM] Me: i like talking to you
[6:13:14 PM] JH: what does that have to do with it
[6:13:46 PM] Me: well maybe you continue to talk with ex-girlfriends etc but I don't talk to my EX's I stay far away (I just currently blog excessively about them!)
[6:13:56 PM] Me: except with you
[6:14:18 PM] JH: I don't keep in touch with any
[6:14:24 PM] JH: just talked to u
[6:14:35 PM] JH: why do u think that is
[6:15:03 PM] Me: why do you think that is?
[6:15:11 PM] Me: and don't say you asked first
[6:15:18 PM] JH: yep
[6:15:26 PM] Me: yep?
[6:15:33 PM] Me: is that what you were writing?
[6:15:37 PM] JH: i asked u fiirst
[6:16:05 PM] Me: but you are the boy
[6:16:06 PM] Me: i'm the girl
[6:16:11 PM] Me: i think you should go first
[6:16:19 PM] JH: u go
[6:16:45 PM] Me: it would make me feel a lot better if you gave your idea first ...please?
[6:17:15 PM] JH: u have to brb client
[6:17:20 PM] Me: k
[6:18:52 PM] Me: i totally meant k to you being right back that wasn't an agreement to go first haha
[6:32:48 PM] JH: back
[6:33:11 PM] Me: so go ahead :)
[6:33:16 PM] JH: u go
[6:33:36 PM] Me: i think i went first the last time
[6:33:43 PM] JH: i asked u go
[6:33:46 PM] Me: nope
[6:33:49 PM] Me: you go
[6:33:55 PM] JH: nope
[6:34:19 PM] Me: me and you were different
[6:34:24 PM] JH: ?
[6:34:39 PM] Me: then anything I have ever been in
[6:39:33 PM] JH: what did yr parents think did they meet him, did he ask permission
[6:39:57 PM] Me: they don't love him...he did ask they said no actually (kind of true they definitely don't like him now)
[6:40:10 PM] JH: really why
[6:40:19 PM] JH: too fast
[6:40:21 PM] JH: ?
[6:40:22 PM] Me: again a couple of reasons
[6:42:17 PM] JH: we did
[6:43:32 PM] Me: so do you umm still think about me/us?
[6:44:22 PM] JH: hold on a sec im helping close up at work
[6:44:25 PM] Me: k
[6:55:41 PM] JH: back
[6:56:00 PM] Me: k
[6:56:11 PM] JH: :)
[6:56:23 PM] Me: ?
[6:56:27 PM] JH: what
[6:56:40 PM] Me: :) ?
[6:56:52 PM] JH: just to do it
[6:56:57 PM] Me: guess you don't want to answer the question haha
[6:56:58 PM] Me: its okay
[6:57:01 PM] Me: nevermind
[6:58:46 PM] JH: i have
[7:01:03 PM] JH: i would think if u thought of me, how u felt , if u still loved me, if u still wanted me
[7:02:03 PM] Me: and if I did?  and what about you?  do you still think of me? and all those other things?
[7:02:34 PM] JH: i did
[7:02:42 PM] Me: did?
[7:02:59 PM] JH: yes when u were gone then u got engaged
[7:03:18 PM] Me: but you didn't try to come see me once over many months (referring when I first moved to Asia and we were talking...more about that later)
[7:03:49 PM] JH: i know i had some financial issues w loans and money
[7:04:04 PM] Me: i even tried to make something work with san diego (I went there in Oct 2009 and invited him to meet me there)
[7:04:11 PM] Me: and I would have paid (true story and that is an issue in itself)
[7:04:22 PM] Me: i just wanted some kind of interest/effort
[7:04:28 PM] Me: anyway i guess it is too late
[7:04:32 PM] Me: i'm sorry
[7:04:43 PM] Me: that is why i was so nervous to tell you
[7:04:50 PM] JH: why
[7:05:14 PM] Me: bc I was afraid you didn't feel the same way...currently (really curious to see how he felt and why he was all of a sudden writing to me and communicating with me and I admit it I'M STARVING for attention.  And this was my way to try and find out without directly did you propose? are you engaged? do you have a girlfriend still?  Really it is just nice to communicate with someone that makes me not feel like I'm worthless and not pretty and not worth the time it takes to spew out a chat).
[7:06:19 PM] JH: i have to go, I have to get home bf my dad leaves
[7:06:28 PM] JH: we can talk later
[7:06:35 PM] Me: ok
[7:06:37 PM] Me: sorry
[7:06:44 PM] JH: sorry?
[7:06:53 PM] JH: bye :)
[7:06:56 PM] Me: bye

to be continued...

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