- I'm kind of sucking at my gratitude thingy on a daily basis...so I will try and be better at that becuase I think it does improve the outlook for my day in a positive direction.
- Still working on those Resolutions will post as soon as I think they are ready (they definitely aren't S.M.A.R.T. (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, Time...I think that is what they stand for) goals ...oh well they have the Time part at least...2012 haha.
- Will need to keep updating ExBoyfriend Project (especially the current time with the jumble in of Jacob...but remember as quickly as things happen they disappear...how is THAT for foreshadowing).
- My mom called me at work today...to let me know when she was in Florida she bought me a Coach purse...which is wonderful and really nice and EXPENSIVE! Which leads me to the frustrating conclusion about all this talk of money, and not being able to afford things and the repayment of 20% of my income to their "loan" they gave me etc. It is extremely frustrating to be told all these things and then being bought what I consider a "luxury" item. And it also continues my guilt factor of STILL not having purchased a birthday gift for her. I even resorted to googling "best birthday gifts for mom" and came up with super lame results.
- The "ey"'s added onto office supplies is catching. The younger receptionist just came to my desk with a bunch of mail and asked for stamp-IES!!!!! Oh the utter pain and frustration...we are adults and these are office things...and non of you have children that are under the age of like 7 so really please tell me you don't talk to them in baby talk still!
- How did the hair appointment go? Well no one asked me about Spencer or the wedding(so my mom must have told them which made me feel semi relieved). I now have a headfull of highlight which are a deep brown/caramelly colour (my hair is naturally basically black but kind of harsh against my skin tone). I would only let her trim my hair because basically I think I would have a freak out if I chopped a whole lot of my hair off right now. Also I noticed that I felt so good with her because she is sort of like a mom figure and she was being really nice and saying "okay sweetie pie lets rinse that colour out" etc. I am SUCH a sucker for nicknames and sweet names etc. Not just with boys (though I love love LOVE when they call me "doll, babe, baby, sweetheart, wazoo, butterfly, beautiful", etc.~all names that I have been referred to as). I love it when parents have cute names for their kids like I simply love (and correct me if I'm wrong) I think it is the Scottish or Irish call their loved one "pet" so cute. Something my parents NEVER ever have done. It would sound SO weird to have my mom call me anything except my name or something negative...seriously. So all seemed fairly good but then I let my mom's anxiety wash over to me because at the end of the night my hairdresser bolted out and didn't say bye. (Keep in mind this hairdresser has been there since I was 13 and knows me fairly well) and my mom told me that "I don't think she wanted to do your hair tonight". And just WHAT I'm supposed to do with that information I'm not sure. She does get paid for it (her portion of it) AND I tip her and I keep my schedule SUPER flexible (ie. if she has clients that want to book I give up my time)...yesterday my appointment ended up moving 3 times which is fine (because it is my mom's spa I don't pay the like "prophet margin" I basically pay the labour (ie.it won't affect hairstylists at all))! This fills me with anxiety and guilt though and now I feel bad because of this. Partially because I have this issue where I want everyone to like me. So instead of leaving feeling good with new hair I left feeling guilty...not so awesome.
- Tonights big (where is that sarcasm font) Friday night plans...spin, write out my daily gratitude on the blog, more blogging, take down the holiday decor, maybe rent a movie...I was thinking of Easy A or maybe Twelve or maybe if I'm not exausted both. Reading that makes me feel totally lame. I really need to get my stuff together and move to Toronto because I have 0 motivation in my town to do anything.
- Things I need to do but am totally avoiding ~ contact immigration lawyer, contact a divorce lawyer, get my desktop computer from my parents place, get another suitcase of my stuff from Spencer's state from my parents and unpack that, confirm all wedding vendors are cancelled, start this other career project (that is due in 5 weeks) and start to study for this test I have in 5 weeks also, and get my mom a birthday gift of which I'm completely STUMPED!
Teagan
Hey girl, I've been here reading daily! I came up with an idea for a gift for your Mom just now. Even though you both aren't real close, maybe a gift as IF you were close would be meaningful. Specifically a framed picture of the two of you, the four of you, or maybe just her and your dad. Lately, I've realized how much framed photos mean to people since they hardly take the time to do it for themselves. Any way, good luck, girlie!
ReplyDeleteAlso, I can be on the people pleasing bandwagon myself. One of the things I do to work through it is make sure I'm doing what *I* want to do. That way I'm happy and when I'm happy generally the people around me are happy. And if they're not they can suck it hehe (that's the part that was a difficult realization to come to).
Love reading your stories, and all that you are working through. All the emotions you are going through are totally normal. We all work through similar issues in similar ways at different times in our lives. And I love, love, LOVE your writing. You really have a talent for it. It comes across so real and very succinct.
Thank you for your idea. I will look for a good frame this weekend when Taylor is in town. What a great idea!
ReplyDeleteOhhhhh I think I need to I need to learn how to tell people to suck it haha. Such a weird circle to be like happy when others are so then you are pleasing others to also please yourself (does this sound weird?).
Thank you so much I was afraid for a bit that my writing was too confusing and juevenille (spelling?). So thank you or reading. Your blog is really an inspiration!
xo