Trip to see Taylor!!!!

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Chapter X-16: We change, we wait*

He didn't call yesterday.
But really at this point can I trust a single word that comes out of his mouth?
Like my bestie Taylor says "how does he tie his shoes in the morning?"
I guess its almost like going through the stages of grief and I've gone from the sad part to the anger part.
Though I'm not exactly sure about all the actual stages.
I suppose I could google it but that is neither here nor there.

The more the days go by the more I'm filled with anger and disbelief like how the heck did it get to this point?
How does someone does this to another human being?
Especially someone who you vowed to love for better or worse.
I guess someone who doesn't take vows seriously.
I am at the point where I'm angry.  He can't even pull it together to end it finally (and as you will know it is difficult for me to do so because of certain circumstances).

I have made some steps to move forward with my life.
Not enough steps but a few.  
I guess it is easier to sit on the couch, watch movies and blog then actually go and do something.
I was invited to my cousin's holiday party last night but then found out it wasn't just couples but a ton of my family set to be there...and really I didn't want that to be the time to share in the big bad news.
And since these "life events" (like the now cancelled big family wedding) are what we talk about it I just couldn't bear it so I ditched the even.
Guess I will just blame it on not feeling good when I see my cousin tomorrow at work.
Maybe I will tackle the 95 boxes in basement reorganizing my life.  (Well the life that isn't stuck a country away in 3 suitcases and 2 boxes).
My friend Val is a great re-organizer and would probably tell me that if they were in 95 boxes in the basement I didn't need them anyhow...but I'm not that brave to just chuck them.
I wonder if I could half everything?  I wonder if I'm actually that motivated?
Nah I'm probably just waste another day here on the couch...maybe continue with some of the older Exs


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