But I'm sitting here on the couch and drinking a cup of coffee.
And I know this weekend should be fantastic and once I'm there with the girls it will be good.
But right now I don't feel like getting ready and I don't feel like going.
I feel like wallowing in my own self pity.
Being a permanent fixture on the sofa for the weekend.
I know its terrible but I just don't feel like going
And seeing the pity when they each ask you are okay and my answer just doesn't change week to week I always respond with "I'm here" which is the best I can muster because I'm not fine I'm not okay and I'm definitely not good. As each day passes it doesn't get easier actually it is more and more frustrating because I STILL have not heard from PH.
And I just sit here on the couch and look around at the Christmas tree that I decorated alone AGAIN this year. At the presents underneath that I thought would look chic and cool under the tree but the brown craft paper just looks boring and depressive...kind of like how I feel.
|My tree that I decorated by myself...what I stare at from the couch. Oddly not comforting at all.|
|I thought it would be so cool to wrap the presents in kraft paper and maybe accent with black ribbon or something. But they just look depressing or like cardboard boxes or things that need to be shipped|
Sigh...Quinn calls the motivation to do something "the moti" and I have 0. I guess the first step is to take a shower and try to get moving today. After all it is Brooke's birthday and the last thing I want to do is pull some overdramatic stunt like not showing up with all the girls.