But I'm sitting here on the couch and drinking a cup of coffee.
And I know this weekend should be fantastic and once I'm there with the girls it will be good.
But right now I don't feel like getting ready and I don't feel like going.
I feel like wallowing in my own self pity.
Being a permanent fixture on the sofa for the weekend.
I know its terrible but I just don't feel like going
And seeing the pity when they each ask you are okay and my answer just doesn't change week to week I always respond with "I'm here" which is the best I can muster because I'm not fine I'm not okay and I'm definitely not good. As each day passes it doesn't get easier actually it is more and more frustrating because I STILL have not heard from PH.
And I just sit here on the couch and look around at the Christmas tree that I decorated alone AGAIN this year. At the presents underneath that I thought would look chic and cool under the tree but the brown craft paper just looks boring and depressive...kind of like how I feel.
My tree that I decorated by myself...what I stare at from the couch. Oddly not comforting at all. |
Sigh...Quinn calls the motivation to do something "the moti" and I have 0. I guess the first step is to take a shower and try to get moving today. After all it is Brooke's birthday and the last thing I want to do is pull some overdramatic stunt like not showing up with all the girls.
xoxo Teagan
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