Mommy Dearest

***Warning...this is a vent***

I guess there no longer avoiding this issue.
I have mom issues.
No surprize or shock I've always had them. 
I cannot get along with my mom...at all.
I will have to delve into this with much more detail at a later time.now

Side Note

I'm finding at least blogging is a way to vent...

and let me explore things that have happened to me in my life.

Now don't get me wrong...

I have a pretty privilaged life...

especially compared to the rest of the world.

I mean I'm no homeless to harvard chick by any means.

I don't know what its like to starve or do without shelter...

but sometimes I hurt so bad

and just feel like things are devasting and painful in my life.

I find myself blogging aobut things I thought I would never ever touch on.

So to continue...

This whole situation makes in about a million times worse.

So ughhh just got in a huge argument over the phone with my mom.
Awesome (where is that sarcasm font) to do that at work.
Anyway I'm shaking I'm so livid.

She now informs me that I'm spoiled and living a lavish lifestyle so for Christmas they will be spending $100 (too bad I spent $600 on their gift...and its not a tit for tat thingy...I don't expect them to spend anything on me but am irritated that they tell me NOW that that is the plan) and literally if they want the $200 should I give them that in an envelope???

(I told her well I already got your gifts because Christmas is in 2 weeks.)  And to be honest I would rather give them a gift I spent lots of time thinking of and saving and getting then just arbitrarily getting them $100 gift that they won't like anyway.

Then she lays into me that she that she doesn't know what is going on with my situation (with PH) and I treat her like a sidestreet....

So I'm like "I DON'T know whats going on?!"  (which is why I'm so incredibly frustrated and depressed because PH is avoiding me because he can!). 
"I have told you EVERYTHING...I'm just as shocked"
And my mom says "well it doesn't add up."
And I'm like "I KNOW it doesn't add up and now I can't get any information from him."

Then she says "well if you think we are going to the police and jeopardizing our future travel you have another things coming...just kiss your stuff goodbye."

So I'm like "Mom I have told you everything I'm just as confused and upset about it and I can't do anything about it so probably I should contact a lawyer."

Then she is like "we can't afford a lawyer (they have one on retainer that I know they could just ask what is a possible step for no cost AND I DIDN'T ONCE ASK HER TO PAY FOR A LAWYER!!!) and you don't tell us anything Teagan and if you actually have papers that say you are married I want to see them becuase I don't think it is valid and you should just move on."

Awesome so now I have to argue the validity of what I'm saying to my own parents...great.

This makes me want to freak out and I can't handle this at all.

A little background...I'm consumed with guilt because my parents have helped me pay for my education.  So since I've collected a paycheck at this temp job I have been giving them 20% of my paycheck PLUS a one time lump sum of $2000 to cover some of the cost of the wedding deposits that they put down.  I actually couldn't bear to live with them any longer so I moved in with my brother simply because I couldn't deal with the daily confrontation and negativity.  I do recognize that without them I would be homeless living under a bridge at this point. 

I also don't know whey they think I'm keeping a big secret or any ...I have told them EVERYTHING the entire situation just doesn't make any sense whatsoever...and I can't help that.  PH is not even communicating with me and I don't know why.  This morning I sent him a text "Please send me an update as soon as possible as to what is going on" and NOTHING.  I am so frustrated I DON'T know what is going on or what to do.  And now I feel like I have to defend myself against my parents.  This is the point where I feel like life is impossible to deal with.