Trip to see Taylor!!!!

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Chapter X-20: All that you can't leave behind

It's Christmas.
My family doesn't do the North American thing of getting up early to see what Santa brought.
When we were little the challenge was to stay awake on Christmas Eve and Santa would come at midnight.
So usually Christmas day we would sleep in and have like a late Christmas lunch which is the traditional Turkey etc.

Well really I'm just stalling from writing something.
He called wish me Merry Christmas...WTF?!
Really?!  Does that make him feel better?!

Our conversation kind of went like this...

Him: "Hi I'm just calling to wish you a Merry Christmas.  I hope it is as good as possible given the circumstances"
Me: (startled feeling my heart pounding in my chest)..."ummm thats nice"
Him: "So uh yea I just wanted to say Merry Christmas and I hope you have a good day. "
Me:  (wanted to flood out my words...of I miss you, and this doesn't feel right and please come see me and let's please stay together...instead I muster out)..."thank you"
Him:  "so I didn't talk to the lawyer yet, and I'm just on my way to the airport so I wanted to call you...and we are still on for your parents getting your stuff on Tuesday at noon"
Me:  "ok" (I feel like my heart is going to pound out of my chest)
Him:  "okay well are you with your family?"
Me: "uhhh not right now"
Him:  "okay well I will talk to you soon babe" (the babe part killed me)
Me:  "okay ...thanks for calling...Merry Christmas Spencer"
Him:  "okay bye Teagan"
Me:  "bye"

ahhhhhhhhhh!  Seriously why?  What the frigging heck is he doing?  There are so many things I wanted to tell him!  I miss you, I love you, this doesn't feel you feel right?  Please let's work this out!...I'm an idiot for feeling this way because it should be obvious to me he does NOT feel this way.  It is just when I talk to him...everything comes flooding back.   And now I get to get ready to go to my parents house for Christmas Day celebrations.  I made it through last night.  So this should be okay again...but now all I can think about is Spencer.

I will do a Christmas update sans Spencer...because really he isn't part of my life anymore (his choice NOT mine).  Sigh...why does it seem so hard?

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