Trip to see Taylor!!!!

Tuesday, December 28, 2010


What is wrong with me? 
Ughhh I hurt and I've come to the realization that maybe this IS all my fault and I ruined everything.
I was too open and in trying to get Spencer to understand the place I was in and in trying to get him to understand my complicated relationship with my mom I ruined it.
To the point where he wants nothing to do with me...AND I'm devastated.
I thought I was doing good...and now I feel like I ruined everything.
I'm so confused and I am so angry at myself.
After last nights conversation I just feel awful and like maybe my biggest fear realized is that I really did ruin it all and it is all my fault.
Maybe my exboyfriend project is useless because the common denominator in all of it is ME. 
Its like if I didn't put so much pressure on Spencer and if I wasn't so open it could be a totally different situation right now.
Any situation has got to be better than the one I'm in right now.
I feel awful.
Then I think I can never be open with who I am or what I'm feeling because it is too much for anyone to handle because simply I am not good enough.
The only conclusion becomes this is why everyone always leaves. 
Right now I don't feel pretty enough, smart enough, nice enough...I don't feel enough.
I don't know how to become good enough.

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