Trip to see Taylor!!!!

Monday, January 10, 2011

Chapter X-25: the next day confessions

[the next day 3:07:57 PM] Jacob: hey
[the next day 3:11:03 PM] Me: hi
[the next day 3:11:08 PM] Me: i have skype at work now :)
[the next day 3:12:15 PM] Jacob: oh o
[the next day 3:12:16 PM] Jacob: ok

[the next day 3:35:23 PM] Me: so
[the next day 3:35:54 PM] Jacob: ?
[the next day 3:35:56 PM] Jacob: ?
[the next day 3:36:52 PM] Me: its what I say when i don't know what to say
[the next day 3:36:54 PM] Me: so
[the next day 3:36:59 PM] Jacob: oh ok
[the next day 3:37:37 PM] Me: do you have some holidays over christmas?
[the next day 3:37:56 PM] Jacob: i off the two weekedn
[the next day 3:38:11 PM] Jacob: may take a day or 2 off like thur and fri
[the next day 3:38:48 PM] Me: oh in canada bc its is a sat/sun most places give off the mon/tues in their place
[the next day 3:39:02 PM] Me: but there is no boxing day in usa
[the next day 3:39:16 PM] Jacob: yep
[the next day 3:39:41 PM] Me: I hear Canada is nice this time of the year
[the next day 3:39:51 PM] Jacob: haha
[the next day 3:40:18 PM] Jacob: i am not going to see u
[the next day 3:40:48 PM] Me: thought I would just put it out there...sorry
[the next day 3:41:14 PM] Jacob: if i was single i would in a second but not with how things are now

so I guess he ISN'T single which I guess I knew was a possibility but lets face it I'm not exactly looking for a relationship right now.

[the next day 3:41:42 PM] Me: k
[the next day 3:41:47 PM] Me: sorry
[the next day 3:41:49 PM] Jacob: its ok
[the next day 3:43:01 PM] Me: I feel bad...I really am sorry I didn't realize

which is true and I did feel bad
[the next day 3:43:28 PM] Jacob: dont its ok no big deal
really? not a big deal?  I just totally invited you to come visit me...and I remember what happened last time...(promise will blog about this later)

[the next day 3:46:13 PM] Me: maybe its better I don't talk to you
this is me trying to be responsible and do the right thing and give him an out.
[the next day 3:48:37 PM] Jacob: thats fine, to be honest we both were with other people and I never thought u would come back and/or be single again.
[the next day 3:49:17 PM] Me: so I guess she is your "one"
[the next day 3:50:10 PM] Jacob: yes

that stung a little
[the next day 3:50:19 PM] Me: that is good I'm happy for you

this is the point where I SHOULD stop talking to him
[the next day 3:51:59 PM] Jacob: thanks, your beautiful and a great person, in my opinion everyone have many people they come in contact that can be their "one" its all about the timing and opportunity
[the next day 3:52:52 PM] Jacob: has
[the next day 3:53:25 PM] Jacob: when i emailed u awhile back u said u were happily engaged

check it out here he is referring to our August 2010 conversation/email
[the next day 3:53:54 PM] Jacob: i just assumed u were planning a wedding and getting marriewd
[the next day 3:53:59 PM] Jacob: married
[the next day 3:56:24 PM] Jacob: how long ago did u break it off
[the next day 3:56:33 PM] Me: does it really matter nwo
[the next day 3:56:36 PM] Jacob: or not happy
[the next day 3:56:37 PM] Me: ?
[the next day 3:56:43 PM] Me: now?
[the next day 3:56:50 PM] Jacob: i guess not
[the next day 3:57:16 PM] Jacob: i believed u
[the next day 3:57:42 PM] Me: guess our timing was never good
[the next day 3:57:59 PM] Jacob: i guesss not
[the next day 3:58:01 PM] Jacob: brb
[the next day 4:02:33 PM] Jacob: back
[the next day 4:02:41 PM] Me: hey
[the next day 4:03:01 PM] Jacob: it was dead today only worked 12-5

Guess we are going ahead and ignoring what we really just talked about...and why would he care if I was happy etc.?  Weird but I thought I would go with at least he wants to talk to me
[the next day 4:03:17 PM] Jacob: got some admin stuff done
[the next day 4:03:19 PM] Me: its dead here becuase we have a bad snowstorm
[the next day 4:03:26 PM] Jacob: i want snow
[the next day 4:03:35 PM] Me: well we have about 3 feet
[the next day 4:03:38 PM] Jacob: wow
[the next day 4:03:47 PM] Me: all buses are cancelled and the mayor is about to call a state of emergency
[the next day 4:03:53 PM] Me: all public transport is cancelled
[the next day 4:03:55 PM] Jacob: wow
[the next day 4:04:02 PM] Me: worst since 1977
[the next day 4:04:05 PM] Me: go figure
[the next day 4:06:41 PM] Jacob: haha
[the next day 4:23:57 PM] Jacob: im going to log off just finished with work
[the next day 4:24:17 PM] Me: alright have a great night
[the next day 4:24:25 PM] Me: bye
[the next day 4:24:51 PM] Jacob: you too, do u not want me to talk to u anymore
[the next day 4:25:11 PM] Me: I like talking to you
[the next day 4:25:27 PM] Jacob: u made it sound like u dont want me too earlier
[the next day 4:25:45 PM] Me: It's kind of a difficult thing right?
[the next day 4:26:22 PM] Me: I just know it makes me happy to talk to you...I find myself laughing and smiling during our conversation...and I think that is a good thing
[the next day 4:26:50 PM] Jacob: ok ttyl byt
[the next day 4:26:52 PM] Jacob: bye
[the next day 4:27:01 PM] Me: bye

So at this point that is where I was...I didn't want to STOP talking to him for purely selfish reasons.
Like I said for the first time in WEEKS I was laughing and smiling about something.
I knew the "right" thing to do is stop talking to him...but I was having a hard time making myself.
Taylor and I talked to about it gave me a warning because everytime we start to talk again I'm the one who ends up hurt at the end of it.  But would I listen??? because I was getting some "feeling good" about myself out of it and right now...I was taking what I could get.

to be continued...

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