I'm even bored/annoyed at reading the back and forth dialogue that occurs.
(Well when I'm not feeling lonely and eating up the attention faster than anything)
The whole dialogue itself is even developing a pattern.
It kind of goes like this...
1. We start to talk about work or something else innocuous.
2. The compliments start.
3. We confess we miss each other.
4. We start into WAYYYYY too much detail about what we want to do if we met up.
5. We continue talking multiple times a day.
6. We discuss meeting up.
7. Eventually one of us thinks we shouldn't talk anymore due to current relationships (on his part not mine) and we cut off communication.
8. We stop talking.
9. He contacts me again (the longest we have not talked is 5 days).
10. Rinse, wash, Repeat...over and over again.
It is just ridiculous.
This has never happened before (me talking to an Ex again or one that is so unavailable) what the H E double hockey stick is wrong with me...
I'm becoming that girlfriend that you hate talking to
because it is the same ridiculous thing about an Ex over and over again.
I'm annoyed at myself.
I've stopped (almost completely) talking about him to "the girls" because it's embarrasing what I'm doing.
And really I do start to feel awful when I think about this whole situation.
Here is my "reality check".
1. He's engaged which mean he has a fiancee.
2. He totally therefore must have a wedding date (though I'm too chicken to ask about it).
3. We are actually talking about meeting up which would make me the "other woman" and I'm so NOT the "other woman" kind of woman.
4. I am still so messed up about Spencer I don't know how I'm even fathoming meeting up with Jacob.
5. Jacob has had how many opportunities (really 2) which I will cover in the ExBoyfriend Project obviously if he wanted something he would have acted on it by now.
6. I try to think of Jacob's reaction if he knew the whole story about Spencer...I'm not sure he would still talk to me at all.
7. I need a plan/program to stop talking to Jacob.
8. I need to move on with my life.
9. I need to stop being afraid to be alone forever. I never wanted to be a strong independant person blazing my own path. I always wanted (and still do) a partner but feel like I guess I should let that go.
10. I will continue to feel like sh*t if I keep up these cycles...somethings gotta give...something has to change.
11. This will not be resolved by moving to another country (even if I totally think it will).
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