The studying was going fairly well.
Then this morning my dad came by my place at 8am.
Weird because my dad starts work at 7am.
My grandfather passed away this morning.
This is a huge shock.
It wasn't expected at all.
I didn't even think he was sick.
He lives in Europe.
This past summer I went to see him
(for the first time in 13 years).
And now he's gone.
I don't know what to do.
Should I go to Europe?
There is no way to really get there and back to keep my flight to Calgary.
My flight leaves at 7am-ish Friday for Calgary.
Since most flights to that area of Europe from my area of Canada are red eye.
I would have had to leave with my parents tonight to get there tomorrow or
It would take me leaving tomorrow to get there Wednesday.
Spend the day there Wednesday and then turn around and leave that night.
I would have to leave Wednesday to make it back here Thursday to be ready to go for Friday.
I couldn't afford or think it's even possible to change a flight from Ontario to Europe to Calgary without it being ridiculously expensive and spending way more time in the air then on the ground.
It makes no sense.
It would be a completely different story if he was in the hospital or something.
But he's already gone.
But I feel like it's wrong for me to stay here.
I am so frustrated.
Seriously I'm so DONE with these crappy things happening.
I get it ...that's "life" but seriously God ...lets aim for a good couple of months because I'm losing faith.
I am so sad right now.
Maybe I should go because its not like I will be able to really focus anyway.
If I do scrap this testing now though I wait until June.
Could I really survive another couple of months in my current circumstance?
I wish this didn't happen today.
I am stunned and shocked and hurt and numb.
I think to this past summer and the conversations we had together.
My grandpa and me.
I'm the oldest grandchild of his.
I will have to write about it later.
It's just too much right now.
I don't think I'm going to Europe.
I will have to say goodbye from across an ocean.
I just hope I'm doing the right thing.
Oh, I am so so so SO sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteHow wonderful that you had a chance to visit your grandfather this summer.
Hugs and hugs and more hugs to you and your family. xoxox
I'm so sorry for your loss. If it makes you feel better, my great-grandma, who I was very close with as my grandmother on that side had passed away before I was even born, died when she was 104 while I was on my first ever real vacation... spring break in Florida. I'm not kidding, my parents never, ever took us on a vacation. So this trip my senior year of college was the first time I had ever been on a plane.
ReplyDeleteI was so torn between leaving my trip 2 days after getting there, or staying and enjoying my trip. After speaking to my parents & my aunt who helped take care of my grandma, I decided to stay in Florida. I haven't regretted that decision. I just know that my gram, who used to spend her winters in Florida from retirement age until about 90, when it got to hard for her to travel that far, would have hated for me to give up Florida to go back to NY. I'm sure your grandpa would have felt the same way.
Thanks so so much for the kind words and thought :)
ReplyDeleteIt really helped.
xo