Chapter X-3: Vent

December 2nd, 2010

So...I guess "his" nickname will become PH (because he is a pseudo-husband).
No husband would only acknowledge a birthday with a phone call alone.
And then send WAY mixed messages by saying "I wish I could be there...it would make things a lot easier".
Anyway I'm worried and full of anxiety.
Today PH is going to the ILawyer.
Because we have already filed our paperwork months ago because I thought we were going to spend the rest of our lives together.
Now he wants to undo it.
Too bad I already spend $3600 in lawyer's fees because I didn't want to burden him with that.
Now it is a total waste of money.
And I'm SURE he won't offer to help with any of that.
OR any of the wedding deposits. 
Or really anything at all.
When he came in October I gave him $200 for a wedding gift for his sister.
I guess he felt sure enough and okay to take that.
He also took $700 to pay off my visa...wonder if that will ever happen seeing as I already gave him the money for that once before (now totalling $1400).
However, I also want to maintain my patience because he has ALL my things.
Including my most important clinical notes and textbooks and clinical tools.
All my expensive clothes, purses (LV & Burberry), jewellery and shoes.
I would like to get that back.
I wonder who will pay for shipping.
I am just so upset...and have a knot in my stomach to see what the ILawyer says.
I wonder what PH will say to the ILawyer...I changed my mind about my wife?
So I wonder what the repercussions are?
Will I be allowed to travel there at all?
This is extremely difficult for me.
And really for him ...0 issues/problems/repercussions.
Which is extremely frustrating.
It has been so very easy for him and so difficult for me.
But I have willingly bared the burden because in the end I thought it was worth it.
I thought he was worth it.