I don't know how you guys aren't sick of me...I'm sick of me ~from Eat, Pray, Love

On the advice of the brilliant beautiful Taylor I rented Eat, Pray, Love.
I tried to read the book 4 weeks ago and couldn't get through it.
Just wasn't in the frame of mind so I figured I would give the movie a shot .
After all a movie is barely 2 hours.

Couldn't make it all the way through the book...

Liz and her rock...much like my rocks and pillars of strength.

Will I enjoy wanderirng a new foreign place with someone special some day?

Will I ever find peace with myself?  And really smile again like really smile and not just fake smile.  I think at this point I've perfected the fake smile.

The first line (title of this post) that caught my attention first becuase this is EXACTLY how I feel about my girls.  My rocks...my pillars of strength but the point is at some point it has to be too much for them.  And I sure do feel like I am sick of me so they MUST be.  But there they go just keeping on being there for me.  Honestly, how did I ever get so lucky?  How will I ever pay them back?

My next favourite part was the short monologue that I think Liz wrote in the movie...and to me it is ME (minus the moving on before I'm done with a relationship because I am the one left looking around going what the hell happened?)...but is there really something wrong with being this way?  Is there such thing as being too giving? too loving?  Obviously it is a repeated pattern in my relationships and CLEARLY it isn't working for me.  But what if I was with someone that that FIT with.  How about THAT stupid monologue...what IF that wasn't a bad thing?!  I stopped and typed it from the movie because I'm THAT obsessive. 

Here's what he doesn't know yet

I dissappear into the person I love

I am a permeable membrane

If I love you...you can have it all

My money, my time, my body, my dog, my dog's money

I will assume your debts

And project upon you all sorts of nifty qualities

You've never actually cultivated in yourself

I will give you all this and more

Until i'm so exausted and depleted

That the only way I can recover is

If I become infatuated with someone else

So what did I think of the movie.
Hated the part in Rome because it just made me sad (likely because PH and our 2nd Honeymoon was to be in Italy).
India part made me think of my buddy India.  Whom I miss so very much.
Bali part brought an interesting thing out in me.  I have travelled to Bali both solo and with PH but I found it okay because it reminded me more of my the time I was in Bali solo.  It was neat to see parts of Bali that I had been in myself specificallly around Ubud and the Monkey Forest. 
Overall, I found it okay.
I mean it is unrealistic for someone like me to travel the world for a year to find myself and in a way I thought I had done that over the last year and found my true love etc etc...only it didn't work...it didn't "stick".  And now I'm alone here no different then 2 years ago.  And that makes me terribly sad.

Okay my mission is to explain this last year to anyone who might actually read this blog.  I think I will have to do it all bit by bit to hopefully weave together the story and maybe to understand why I'm going through the worst pain and heartbreak ever in my entire life.