Trip to see Taylor!!!!

Monday, September 19, 2011

A Monday Reality Check...Its "Complicated"

In the afternoon I got this email from him...
Thinks got complicated again. I was up late talking to her parents last night and her and her parents again today.
Me: What do you mean?  
Jacob:  Her parents were talking to me and she was talking to me today about how she doesn't want us to break up. I have more things to work out.
I was mad...I was furious...I sent back three rapid fire emails....
Me:I guess I don't understand  
Me:How long do you need? What do you want? Is this weekend happening or not?  
Me:If this is going to be back and forth with decision I can't do it
Jacob: I made a mistake of sharing all that info last night however many times things don't end all at once. I was acting impulsively based on the moment. I got sick Sat. and still sick and this stress with my relationship isn't helping. I feel like a head case with all this stuff going on and I can't handle this back and forth either. I need to let this relationship take its course. That can mean ending very soon or not but I have to let it take its course and not be influenced outside. I can't do anything with you until or if this is resolved and its not fair to any of us.
Me: You’re right you shouldn't have
I don't understand how you can say the things you do and then turn around and do this.
I'm very hurt
I think it is so passive to let a relationship "run it's course"
These are active decisions
I don't understand at all.
I think you are making a huge mistake But it is yours to make Your choice
(Can you tell I’m very irritated?!)
Jacob:That may be true. I got a lot going on in my head.  
Me:You shouldn't say the things you do if you are unsure
Jacob:Maybe I just need to see what happens the next few days and process things.  
Me: Read the things you wrote last night.
You said you knew it wouldn't work and it was a bf gf breakup
Why say those things?
Your decisions now affects the future Jacob:I know  
Me:Guess that is your decision So I won't bother you anymore Best wishes (Obviously my attempt to bow out gracefully)
Jacob:I need to work this stuff out and process this stuff the next few days of what is going on
Me:Do you want to be with your fiancée? (I admit using the word fiancee was a slight jab).
Jacob:I want to figure this out
Me:What does that Mean? Can you please answer the question

Jacob:I need to figure out my relationship should continue or not
Me:I guess I'm confused what changed since last night ? Jacob:I have a relationship with her family too so we have been talking a lot  
Me:Please explain
Me: Now I really feel like a back up plan for you
Jacob:I have to get this straighten figured out before I move on to someone else  
Me:I don't understand
Jacob:Im sorry you don’t  Really?  Really Jacob?!  And this where my downfall is...I totally pull emotional girl out now.  I don't know why.  I actually have yet to determine what I want out of all of this.  If there is even a viable future.  But I was now fuming at this cowardness.
Me:I don't understand based on what you told me last night and the past couple of months
Jacob:I know
Me: You told me you have never felt as strong for anyone as you do for me
That should be enough
Unless you were lying
You said we have the same lifestyle and background and that you needed that
Jacob:I know
Me:But now you don't think that?  
Jacob:I do, just have to address this at the moment
Me:We have been talking for months
You need to make a decision and stick to it because this is worse
I just don't understand how within less than 24 hours you go from last night’s conversation to this one. 
It is pretty cruel actually
Jacob:k I know your right

And that is the moment I stopped trying Monday September 19th at 6:36 pm


  1. I'm sorry! What a rollercoaster for your emotions! It doesn't sound like he knows what he wants (or he wants to have his cake and eat it too which is just not going to work). Hang in there lady - it will get better! :)

  2. Sigh. He's a mess. I know you care for him and it's not at easy of just turning your feeling off but he's a huge mess right now and I'm sorry he's pulling you into it.