Trip to see Taylor!!!!

Monday, December 24, 2012

It's not okay

I arrived in Florida on Saturday.
The flight was AWFUL because I had a bad sinus infection.

The pain was miserable for the entire 2 hours and 47 minutes.

A quick drive to our Florida house.
And a yummy barbeque lunch of burgers stuffed with cheese, bacon and jalapenos.
Before I passed out in a sinus cold and flu medication haze.

My family dined on lobster and steak while I had soup for dinner.
I basically didn't move the rest of the day and night finally heading to bed at 9.
My vacation was off to a pretty crappy start.

Sunday was much the same.
Lots of soup.
Lots of congestion.
Lots of quiet observation how some things stay the exact same.

Before I knew it it was today...Christmas Eve.
And I could feel the disappointment bubble up.
Because of how everyone is with the fam.
And as the days of constant contact turned into everyone getting a little snippier with each other.

There were conversations among my brother and parents about how "stupid" I was doing what I do (as a profession) and making so little money...because they all make double or more of what I do...I was like okay guys I'm right here!
I live paycheck to paycheck and they all laughed at me for it.
And just the MEANness of it all was heart breaking.

And I was bothered.
Bothered because everyone laughs because my brother is lazy and irresponsible and drinks all day.
And its okay because its just him being him.

Bothered because my mother's response to everything comes back as in yells and screams.
It's her way or the highway and we are "stupid" or "retarded" if we don't immediately respond.
Bothered that she yells at us for everything.
And its okay because its just her being her.
She bullies everyone.

When I asked if it would make sense to buy a hamper at Target so that I had a place for my dirty clothes in my room.
It was met with "you so bloody retarded.  NO!  There is a fucking hamper in the laundry room".
I had it.
I could not longer take it.

Of course she screamed back at me that it was her normal voice.
But she was pissed!
And every since yesterday she has been quiet and not really responsive.
And she cancelled us going to Disney ...again.
As punishment.

But I'm tired of the behaviour.
The behaviour that I'm NOT okay with.
It's like it is okay to be a jerk and rude because that is someone's personality.
I'm sorry I don't think it is.
It simply is rude and jerky.
And I am not okay with that.

I get it that I don't fit with my family.
I'm just exhausted with the rude behaviour.
In all reality it is just something I can only tolerate in small small doses.
Please remind me the next time I think of doing something like this that the max time with the fam is 4 days tops.
It's going to be a long 9 more days.

1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry, girl, I didn't realize there was this much more behind Disney. I still think you should go by yourself and make some new friends!! How awful it must be to have to deal with that. I've realized even with my family that I love and adore, ten days is tops that I can deal with being away from home and my routines. I can't imagine having that much time with people I don't enjoy being around!! I'm glad you recognize the ugliness, though. Means you get to break the cycle for your family, at least on your end. Still sad to hear, though :( .