**If you are looking for MyExBoyfriendProject it is the Right side.** Those who know me know my love for things pop culture and reality tv. I love a good heroine and girl who comes out on top...because I want to. Once a girl named Lauren chose a boy over an intership in Paris. I have made similar misguided mistakes...but Lauren made it to Paris (a year later). I hope to make it to my Paris (both literally and not). Here are my struggles, wants, wishes, hopes and fears as I make it there.
Okay so my brilliant idea of google image search hit a snag today.
So to be incredibly narcissitic I thought I would use my name "Teagan" as the google image search.
And there was a girl in a bikini shot (that isn't me).
So I'm not posting it.
I think she may be a porn star.
Again...NOT me.
Haha oh well.
Will keep up with the experiment though.
xoxo
Teagan (not a porn star)
Okay obviously I love all things "Lauren" related and when I speak of Lauren I mean only one...Lauren Conrad. Love her style and just in general feel like I learned a TON (about boys and friendships etc) watching her on The Hills etc. Not to be a crazed fan but in general if she is attached to a project I can pretty much bet that I will love it.
I love her style and loved her Lauren Conrad collection but at the time couldn't spend the $200+ on it. I still went to the store and sighed and stared at the gorgeous clothes. I love her style. As much to know that when she eventually got to Paris she had this GORGEOUS black wool coat and I scoured EVERYwhere to find out what it was. Turns out it was a Marc Jacobs jacket (completely unavailable due to it being made a season before-darn TV). It was black and wool and a little bit of a swing coat but the back had this perfect PERFECT bow. Anywho her are some pics when she got to Paris (finally)...total inspiration.
Even though her fictional books are for young teens I LOVE them. Very gossip girl like (which is a total guilty reading pleasure for me). I've read these two...
But haven't had a chance to read this one...but it is next on my list.
My cousin Bella bought her latest style book so I borrowed it and FLEW through it. It was...AMAZING! Of course. No surprise that I loved it.
There was also a decent amount of fashion (with an index telling you exactly what each article of clothing was at the back which I LOVED). Ways to style a LBD (little black dress) 5 ways. Tips on shoes and how to give yourself a basic wardrobe. It also talked about packing (and gave sample packing lists...did I mention I LOVE lists). And so much more. I've been really good about using the library and borrowing books but this one may just be a purchase. I missed her book tour in October (darnit!!!!) and I just noticed there was an event in a city that Taylor lives in so I would have BEGGED her to get me an autographed personalized copy for me (I.would.die- to quote Rachel Zoe). Well here is hoping that her next book tour I will be at...trying not to look like a crazied fan. But hey my blog address has laurenshouldhavegonetoparis in it with reference to the lesson that I (should) have learned from her but like her I needed to make my own mistakes (kind of like she did).
Ps I totally love my new signature block! How fun :)
So my brother was so excited that they were re-releasing Beaver Canoe hoodies.
They (I think Roots bought them out in the 80s) are a logo from our childhood.
Definitely uber Canadian.
The logo was from a Canoe company that had a retail line as well.
The famous canoer Omer Stringer invented a paddle style AND really made Algonquin Park (a very Canadian Famous National Park in Ontario...think like Yosemite in the USA).
These pictures were from the website linked above.
Anywho he is a Canadian legend which is why it translated into a super famous logo that Canadians wore growing up especially those who are now between 25-35 (like my brother and I).
And my brothers big reason for finding it...the rapper Drake (Canadian also by the way) has been wearing them which has increased their popularity immensely.
They are all sold out in stores, with only a few left online in weird sizes.
Luckily, my brother was able to order his in the typical XXL.
I was able to order a women's small (hopefully it isn't too small or maybe it will have to avoid dryer trips).
This is from the Roots website. It totally evokes memories of childhood and really I think you cannot get better sweats or leather products then at Roots.
Can't wait to get my sweatshirt!
Wed, Jan 12, 2011
So here we were he had told me less then a week before that we shouldn't talk.
But he was reaching out again.
I knew it was wrong to talk to him.
But I was/am so lost right now.
I am frustrated at myself for doing this but I guess I don't possess the self control.
It is much easier to spur the advance of male attention (especially someone you are comfortable with) when you have healthy and current attention.
I've never had this issue before.
I've never cheated.
I've also never been the "other women".
I would be so pissed if I was his fiancee and found out he was doing this.
I'm so hurt and scarred from what Spencer did that I'm driving myself straight into Jacob.
Likely part of it is Jacob and I had history ...a torn history but a great one none the less.
Our only issue was Geography which was heartbreaking.
I guess in a way it is similar to Spencer when I look back at our time in Asia and really up through October we had NO problems.
Jacob and I just had a way longer history than Spencer and I.
So what happened after my hi response back (I know I KNOW I suck I caved!)
It was weird that he was emailing me but then it turns out he was trying to gmail chat again but was using the wrong email account for me (I have multiple accounts but only one usually "open" in a chat function) but don't worry he figured it out... 5:51 PM Jacob: hey i did the other email lol
me: Ohhhhh
I use this one :)
5:53 PM Jacob: i know now :)
5:54 PM hi
did u get to yr other computer yet
lol
Gosh he must really REALLY want that picture (it is a headshot not like some bikini pic or something) me: Hi
No I'm bad haha
5:55 PM It is so cold here I just want to go straight home
Jacob: haha
me: And I would have to disassemble and reassemble so I'm procrastinating
Jacob: its cold here too, in the 20s
5:56 PM me: Brrrrrrr I need a fire, some hot chocolate
5:57 PM Jacob: ok
me: Haha send it right over k
Jacob: haha
5:59 PM how r u
6:00 PM me: Good, this weekend have so much fun stuff planned Taylor is coming to visit :)
How r u?
6:02 PM Jacob: good, that sounds like fun
do u remember Sarah Smith in my class at school
6:04 PM me: Yup
6:05 PM Jacob: she is flying up from Arkansas next month for the Seminar in PA I referred her to it
me: Nice :)
6:07 PM Jacob: i think she will join
me: Its my favourite seminar program
6:08 PM Jacob: u can be a guest of mine sometime :)
6:09 PM me: Sounds good
6:10 PM I still have my notes from one of their seminars :)
(Seriously are we flirting talking about seminars and notes GOSH I'm such a nerd!) 6:13 PM Jacob: or any meeting
me: ? Okay what does he mean by "or any meeting?" 6:14 PM Jacob: doesnt have to be that seminar
6:17 PM to meet up
6:18 PM me: Ok
6:19 PM Really?
Okay so what he was saying was we didn't need a reason to meet up...my heart was pounding...and he confirmed this Jacob: yep
me: K
Jacob: if u want
6:20 PM me: That's an easy answer
Of course I did...but for what reason I wasn't sure.
We were always I will say "extremely compatible" in the bedroom but I think it was because of the intense feeling rather than just the you-know-what.
So what was I thinking?
Did I think we would actually meet up?
What would happen if we did meet up?
Would this make me a horrible person?
Would he break it off with his fiancee?
I don't think I could meet him if he was still engaged because I don't know what would happen then.
You know what they say about putting yourself in certain "situations".
Better change the subject, better change it quickly. me: I'm nervous for my test in fe
B
Jacob: u will be ok, what is the answer (he is referring to meeting up...omg what do I say) 6:21 PM me: Haha what do you think?
Jacob: idk
me: I guess I'm always nervous for the test
Of course
Jacob: yeah me too
6:22 PM me: Are we talking the test or meeting up haha
Jacob: the test
6:23 PM u didnt answer the other
me: Yes I did
I said
Of course
6:24 PM Jacob: oh ok
brb
me: K 5 minutes 6:30 PM Jacob: i think i have conference in balt MD its a week long in sept
and one in NY or PA this yr
me: That is amazing
Jacob: it is the gold standard
6:31 PM accredited too
me: Yea I bet it is in the usa You see with my profession some things are validated internationally but most aren't me: I think it stinks
I wish I was able to do more stuff in canada...hmmm maybe working in us is better
6:33 PM Jacob: yep
me: Haha not helping
My friends all want me to stay here
Jacob: what do u want
6:34 PM me: Something tells me I'm destined for somewhere else
6:35 PM Jacob: ?
me: I just feel like us (I meant US as in USA not "us") has more possibilities
6:36 PM it may afford me more opportunity
6:37 PM So you kind of mentioned in another convo that PA might not be the only place for you...h
Where else would you consider?
6:38 PM Jacob: why
me: Just asking?
6:39 PM Jacob: colorado
me: Bc it was such a point of no compromise before
I think you would do well there
6:41 PM Jacob: u were not compromising bf
brb
6:42 PM me: K 19 minutes 7:01 PM Jacob: back 10 minutes 7:12 PM Jacob: ? 29 minutes 7:41 PM Jacob: zuzu
I had gotten distracted... I had no idea where this was going.
We were all of a sudden talking...again.
He is saying he would move now...which was literally our only issue (he wanted to live up north and I didn't).
I was totally willing to compromise...I wanted to live anywhere it didn't snow.
He (at the time) said he would ONLY live in ONE city in ONE state and now he is randomly thinking Colorado?! This is INCREDIBLY frustrating.
And now he was talking about meeting up and I was agreeing?! What was I thinking?!
Here we were carrying on a conversation when a few days before he said we shouldn't be talking anymore.
What to do...I don't want to be the "other women".
I know what I should do.
It just isn't that easy right now.
sigh
Teagan
2010 Winter Olympics Montage - Stephen Brunt Video Essay
I cannot watch this video without getting goosebumps...okay I will be honest watching it brings tears to my eyes. It is the PERFECT description of how it felt to be Canadian during the Olympics in Vancouver. I watched the opening ceremonies in Asia with the most recent Ex, my bestie Taylor and my brother. We ate breakfast and watched it (with us being 12 hours ahead). I remember it like yesterday standing there being AMAZED at what was going on in Vancouver. All the way in Asia feeling the trepidation those first few days of the Olympics and the gradual build of the Games. Watching closing ceremonies as it wrapped up and even though we didn't win the most medals, we totally one the most GOLD medals (the most in all history of the games I think). I am proud. In reality there are a lot worse places to be living in the world. I should count my blessings that I live in such a great country that has beautiful people with big hearts. I think the Canadian compassion and character is distinguishable in a great way. There is a reason people from other countries sew my country's flag on their backpacks.
xoxo
Teagan
Okay real quick.
I may be bleating/chlogging (blog cheating/cheating at bloggin).
In the midst of buckling down the next few weeks (until the 17th of Feb).
I have blogged "ahead" so the posts might seem disjointed (MORE than usual) or off topic.
So I apologize if this is "wrong" in blogging but I wanted to have something for people to read that is new (kind of) especially to my three followers (yea!!!) because I know I like to check blogs daily :)
So I have a 3 tests in and around the 17th to allow me to work my profession in Canada.
I have to pass or I have to wait until June for retakes.
I'm nervous.
I didn't think this would be happening weeks ago and now it is.
I feel kind of bummed because in a huge way it feels like settling.
Like taking a bad deal.
Like working the circumstances you are dealt instead of reaching for your dreams blah blah blah.
It feels more like I "have" to rather than "want" to.
I'm not complaining (really) I'm taking these things and running with them.
Like one of my bestie's Eva says "try it for a year. You can do almost anything for a year."
So this is me putting in my year haha.
I'm buckling down and becoming a hermit until after the 17th!
And then I will celebrate and reach for my dreams.
And figure it all out and really get back to myexboyfriend project.
And deal with Spencer (who I haven't spoken to since the 15 minute argument conversation HERE).
It has been more than 4 weeks but whatever.
He is something I will have to wait for time to pass so it doesn't cut so deep/hurt so bad.
And I always have Jacob to keep me on my toes... more to come on that.
Back to preparing for these yucko tests.
PS I still will check and reply to comments of course...I can't really really stay away for that long!
PPS I totally just realized the 17th is would have been my one year engagement/wedding anniversary isn't THAT ironic. My my how things can totally suck...your life can fall apart...suck you into a hole of depression change in just a year. Which means my life could be amazing in just one short year. Taylor gives me hope. Hmm lets check back in 2012 and see. I'm crossing all my toes and fingers.
The title is a little bit of a misnomer.
I don't even have a dining room.
Technically I don't even have a house/condo/apartment that is mine.
Okay again just me planning my overly planned life.
For a dining room that doesn't exist yet.
I so am not an open concept kind of person.
Though it is kind of hilarious becuase I am really going to be doing the condo thing for a long while (maybe forever?) which technically is "open".
I would love nothing more than to have a formal (closed in) dining room.
The table is available in both 42" and 48" diameter.
I'm sure I could find a reasonable alternative in Canada that I wouldn't have to ship in from the US but I love this one so much.
To me it is one that could go in a condo.
Eventually if I ever do have a formal dining room then I will bump up to a rectangular dining room table.
I have been OBSESSED with these dining chairs for like 5 years.
Every time Ballard Designs puts out a new fabric collection or chairs...I freak out and panic that they will discontinue my favourite fabric. Which has perfect teeny tiny fleur de lis (which I'm completely obsessed with). So I search frantically until I see that I'm still able to order it. It actually comes in three colours and if I was super rich I would get all 3 in sets of slipcovers to change up a dining room...but the one I love the most is the wheat coloured one.
I can't decide between these two slightly different ones; one is tufted (therefore can't remove fabric) and one is more of a slipcover (therefore I can order extra in case someone ruins one...yes I'm that obsessive that if someone was to spill red wine how would I fix this?!) Or you can also order this fabric by the yard in case someone ruins the tufted chairs. There isn't a huge price difference between the two either.
I love love LOVE these chairs so much. So likely AFTER my Burberry Coat and then after the Dream Bed will come the Dream Dining Room. I think I would start with a table and 4 chairs and eventually work my way up to 8-10 chairs if I ever got that formal dining room. But then I wonder do I order all the slipcovers at the same time or just extra yards of fabric so that I won't end up with mismatched fabric later on. Seriously I have a problem. Who thinks this way?! Why do I fall in love with things and (very likely) will never find things that will beat it. Gosh I hope they don't discontinue these things before I can save for them. Darn cash budgeting...this would be a totally bad reason to use a credit card but I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about it...
One of my favourite shows of all time (if you haven't figured it out by now) is One Tree Hill.
I absolutely think it is my favourite show of all time.
I know it is cheesy at times or drama filled or "high-school-ish"...
but I think it has some of the best lessons and the best inspirations.
If only I learned them haha.
So without further ado...
Episode 5.02 by Haley
"You can chose to blame your circumstances on fate or bad luck or bad choices. Or you can fight back. Things aren't always going to be fair in the real world, that's just the way it is. But for the most part, you get what you give. Let me ask you all a question. What's worse not getting everything you wished for, or getting it but realising it's not enough. The rest of your life is being shaped right now. With the dreams you chase, the choices you make, and the person you decide to be. The rest of your life is a long time. And the rest of your life starts right now."
So this is sort of random and has to do with searching the internet as I do a ton.
I wondered using google image search what would be the first image to pop up when I type in a word.
Like Canada
wwp.greenwichmeantime.com
Seeing as I am finding things to love about Canada I used that as my first word.
Hmmm any suggestions of other words to google image search?
xoxo
Teagan
So I can sneak in another tidbit of our Toronto weekend.
We were at the hotel and had changed into robes and snacking on cheese/baguette/olives and redwine.
First we were watching Keeping Up with the Kardashians (which both Taylor and I love!)
Then we completely forgot that it was the Golden Globes. We had dinner reservations and missed them but we were able to watch most of the red carpet.
Here are my thoughts on the fashion. I don't claim to be a fashion guru. I just love pretty dresses and boys look so nice in tuxedos. I got all these pictures from here. Except for Catherine picture (see caption for source).
My absolute FAVOURITE dress of the night...that I LOVED (and Taylor agreed!)
A very close second to me was Carrie Underwood...who generally I like what she wears. Doesn't hurt that she is married to a hockey player ;)
The more I looked at it the more I loved Lea Michelle's dress too!
My cousin Bella and Taylor both really like Clair Danes dress.
It seemed (besides pink) a hunter green was very popular and an unexpected (and prettier than I thought) choice (though I didn't care for Angelina's drappy dress.
This picture is from this article: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1347827/Golden-Globes-2011-Catherine-Zeta-Joness-pride-Michael-Douglas-beats-cancer.html
I really really would like to be positive (hey why try and rip someone apart?!) but seriously different coloured shoes? Oh Helena! I think you are a FANTASTIC Bellatrix (her Harry Potter character that she is PERFECT in) but really please don't do this again!
I also thought the Dianna from Glee also looked lovely.
So did Eva I thought.
Can't forget about those handsome men! I think Zac and Jake looked great!
We had so much fun watching everyone all dolled up. One of my favourite things about award shows is the beautiful dresses and the red carpet. I'm such a girl but the great thing was Taylor and Bella do too! I have so much fun hanging out with my girls and watching all the great fashion.
xoxo
Teagan
So remember the Teagan and Taylor ruin Toronto trip... well we probably had like a million conversations about a million different things. Including about lyrics in songs and a particularly bad realization about something (more about that later...I will tell you it has to do with Spencer).
I'm especially a sucker for cheesy songs and ones with "story" type lyrics...but for some reason the only kind of country I care for is Taylor Swift (likely because I'm told by my country loving friends she is pop not country). Anywho...we were driving along when Firework came on the radio and Taylor said this song reminded her of me.
Isn't that just the sweetest nicest thing?!
So I definitely need to remember these lyrics when I'm feeling like all the doors are closed.
Now I generally do love all of Katy Perry's music.
I do think sometimes her style is...odd (like latex dresses or California Girls video where she has whipped cream spraying from her chest). However I did find the video below hilarious...where she called out a "popular" boy from her high school days and dedicated a song to him.
Firework by Katy Perry
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting through the wind, wanting to start again?
Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards, one blow from caving in?
Do you ever feel already buried deep?
Six feet under screams, but no one seems to hear a thing
Do you know that there's still a chance for you
'Cause there's a spark in you?
You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine
Just own the night like the 4th of July
'Cause baby, you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go, oh, oh, oh
As you shoot across the sky
Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make 'em go, oh, oh, oh
You're gonna leave 'em falling down
You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow
Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow
And when it's time, you'll know
You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine
Just own the night like the 4th of July
'Cause baby you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go, oh, oh, oh
As you shoot across the sky
Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make 'em go, oh, oh, oh
You're gonna leave 'em falling down
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time to let it through
'Cause baby you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go, oh, oh, oh
As you shoot across the sky
Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make 'em go, oh, oh, oh
You're gonna leave 'em falling down
So I ordered a new laptop my dad bought me a new laptop.
Another "perk" of living in Canada I'm usually spoiled with things.
Not that these things don't come with strings attached but my willpower is weak.
So after much debate and thought over the perfect laptop to get (well being in the Dell family because that is what my dad's business uses...my Mac dreams will have to wait until I'm the one doing the purchasing).
I settled on the Mini 1012 which technically is a "netbook" instead of laptop...whatever that means.
I wanted something that I would actually tote around and could possibly fit into a large purse.
I wanted to use as something portable.
This being especially essential because my last "laptop" was about as portable as a cinder block.
It was huge and heavy and wouldn't even fit into my backpack.
AND I even lugged it all the way to Asia and it survived minus 5 brightly coloured vertical lines that are permanent (I'm told).
Then I got super excited when I found out they came in glorious fun girly colours!
I thought of course I will pick the pink one...hello kind of obsessed.
Then I got even more excited when I realized they had a special edition one...inspired by OPI nail polish...I forget what colour it was but it was perfect.
So I was all set to pick it. Then I talked to Taylor and we pictured myself using it...and it wouldn't be just on airplanes or coffee shops...it would be at work (I'm a professional in my real job) or presenting at a conference (could I picture whipping this out in a room full of my (male-dominated) colleagues?) Hmmm way to not be taken seriously. Which stinks because as much as I hate to admit it ...even though Elle Woods was smart and had it all together she WASN'T taken seriously and had to prove herself essentially. Yes I just threw in a reference to Legally Blond. So I decided to try and be a grown up about it and professional. And I ordered...
The black one...I know it is hard to tell from the pics but it is so tiny it doesn't have a disc drive...which is one of the main reasons I love it. Tiny and portable and just what I need it for. (I have a great desktop that I use for home use). But don't fret...I did inject a little bit of Teagan into it...and ordered...
This neoprene case...after all I can always conceal it in my briefcase and slip out my computer...while my colleagues are none the wiser. I feel so mature for that decision. Can't wait until it comes in.
I put this together before our trip but didn't post it.
Since it will take me a little bit to do a detailed weekend review this was the plan from last weekend
FRIDAY: I will be leaving work at 5pm to head to Toronto and probably grab dinner and hang out with Eva until Taylor lands.
Here flight should land around 11:30pm and hopefully the weather is good so we can head to my hometown.
If not our emergency weather shelter is likely Eva's place.
On the way home we will stop in Tim Horton's for Taylor's first Tim Horton's Experience.
I'm sure though we will have no trouble staying awake and chatting the whole way home.
We will sleep at my place that night...well depends on how all chatted out we get I know when she visited me in Asia the first night we were up until 4:30am catching up.
SATURDAY
We will wake up probably around 8:30am because we have to shower and get ready...I'm thinking we will do a Tim Horton's stop on the way to our 10am appointments for manicures and pedicures...
Then we will break for lunch at a pub with my parents at about 12ish
at 2:15pm it is back to the spa for our hair appointments for fun flirty going out hair.
Then around 3/3:30pm will be our make-up appointments at MAC.
Hopefully leave for Toronto around 4:30pm...we should get there around 6:30/7.
We can head to Eva's place (where we will spend the night) and have dinner with some of the girls and possibly go out on the town.
Maybe a poutine stop on the way home!
SUNDAY
When we wake up we will head to Insomnia one of our favourite Breakfast places in Toronto.
Then we will head to one of my favourite bakeries either Bobette & Belle or La Bamboche :)
Then we will go to Yorkdale to go shopping! I love shopping with Taylor!
Hopefully around 3/4 we will head to the Hotel I love in Toronto...totally my favourite I could do a whole post on it.
Then since a lot of restaurants are shut down maybe head to O&B's Cafe Grill.
Drinks after either at CN Tower (prob over priced) or our hotel bar since we both love hotel bars.
MONDAY
Wake up and cheap breakfast somewhere
Bata Shoe Museum then head to Auberge du Pomme for late lunch before taking Taylor to the airport :(
