Trip to see Taylor!!!!

Saturday, April 16, 2011

The Yoga Diaries ~ Days 14, 15, 16, and 17

Wednesday ~ Day 14
I skipped yoga for a recovery day.

Thursday ~ Day 15

aka Mommy and Me Yoga = disaster as usual!
Really I should just write off my twice a week yoga when it's together.
Let's see the drive there was all about how people who have second marriages really should not have a wedding because they already had one so it doesn't count.
She literally said "it doesn't count nothing matters after the first marriage"
I was thinking....ummm you know I was married right...ohhhhhh righhttttttttttttt I guess your're trying to make me feel awful.  Note to my parents eyes 2nd marriages don't it.
Seriously how do you clear you head in yoga after that?!

I was totally in a foul mood and drove home in silence.
I pick my mum up and drop her off every time from yoga.
She ended up not even getting an MRI on Tuesday becaues she is claustrophobic and didn't want to, so she didn't.

Friday ~ Day 16

I went to class with Shelby again.
Had a GREAT class.  Sweated my butt off (well that is an impossiblity haha but you get the just of it).
So I was feeling great and an awesome way to start off the weekend.
It had dropped in temperature significantly while we were in class so Shelby offered to drive me to my car (I had parked super far away).

So her being in the same profession and bubbly was all like "so how are the job opportunities? Are you super excited to get back to working?  What are you thinking where you will go???"
And I have no idea why but I completely broke down and was honest with her.

I said I haven't looked at job opportunities because I'm just not excited.
What I want is to live and work in the Southern USA.
Which I can't (just due to visa's/immigration/etc).
So no I'm not excited because I never wanted to work in Canada (which is why I never did all the original testing in the first place). 
At least in Singapore I loved the weather (which also made me much MUCH happier) and I was travelling and I had good friends and I was happy with things.
Here I'm miserable.
It feels like I'm settling for the best of the worst.
If I want to go to another country 1. My parents and friends would disown me I swear 2. Other countries I would consider involve a lot of expensive testing again (England or Australia) 3. Returning to Singapore would be difficult because in leaving my 2 year contract (within it's parameters) after 1 year doesn't look so good to anyone who would even consider hiring me.
So I feel stuck.
Which is why I'm not excited.
This is also difficult to relate to people who have no desire to live where I want to.

So Shelby (very sweetly) suggested that I just stay in London and do temp work in our field.  Until I figure things out.
To which I completely rebuffed because I really am not happy here and I think I would be less "not happy" in the TDot but this is NOT my happy choice.  (However, my happy choice is not even a remote posibility).
So after that bad vent I apologized to Shelby and just said  "I'm sorry I'm just frustrated right now."

She gave me a hug and gave me some great advice.
She told me 'Teagan you are great at what you do.  In fact I don't know anyone else with your level of knowledge and specialty even those who have been working much longer.  You never know what you do and what doors they will open.  So just put yourself out there.  You are too good of a person for things not to work out in your favour...stop being afraid and upset of everything not working out because then you are going to miss out on all the opportunities that are there for someone great like you.'

I kind of sat there dumbfounded for a second.
We aren't super close girlfriends (like my Waterloo girls or my Southern girls) but we are hanging out more often.
She was being so kind and so nice to me.
If someone can tell me this...why aren't I listening to my super close girlfriends (they must find this super annoying)?

It's like I see myself drowning in an inch of water and all I have to do is lift my head up to be okay.
Something so simple and so easy.
But it's like I can't.
I desparately want to get back to the bubbly, happy and positive Teagan.
I guess it all takes time.

So I spent Friday night reflecting and doing laundry.
Trying to figure out exactly how I'm going to do this (more about that later).

Saturday ~ Day 17

Another yoga class this time by myself.
Usually on my own I do really well in Yoga class.
I'm better able to clear my head.
I'm better able to ignore everything else around me.
It is easier to focus.

I have nothing planned for the rest of the weekend except another yoga class tomorrow.
I just feeling like hermit-ing up this weekend what can I say?

I am happy with my 3/4 days of yoga class though :)

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