Trip to see Taylor!!!!

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Conversations I wish would not happen

So I was doing better (minus Saturday night breakdown).
Then I just (like right now) got pulled in my dad's office for "a talk".

He wanted to discuss my plan.
Actually he wanted to know specifics for how much I could potentially earn in Toronto.
Which is kind of backward.
Let me try and explain.
There are only a few schools for my profession in Canada and one is in Toronto.
Therefore it is super competitive to try and work there after because everyone wants to work there after.
So they can offer little pay in a city because there are people who will take it.

So essentially you earn the same in Toronto as you do in my home town but in one of the most expensive cities in Canada to live in.
So essentially you don't earn that much (in terms of what you "could" earn) elsewhere.

So my dad starts to say (for the bazillionith time this year) that him and my mum think I should stay here in my home town for at least another year.  To save money.
So of course I burst into tears (thank you monthly emotional time).
And I'm like "I am miserable here...I have been here for a year and I hate my life every single day here."

So he says "Teagan that is what life is like.  Life is miserable.  Get used to it."
Then he says "really you need to stop being so selfish...and if you were really stressed you should be stressed about giving your mom and me more money".

I sat back stunned...I already give them 20% of every paycheck.  The rest has gone to Canadian testing, my lawyer and wedding deposits.  I literally scrape by every week.
I have nothing to show for my "work".
I do recognize that if I had to actually pay rent etc I would probably be living under a bridge without my parents...but I don't know what else to do.
It feels so so so toxic to be here.

I just sat there and bawled.
While my dad continued... "you never listen to us and do you see where you end up?  For once you should shut up and listen to us and stay here because you need to grow up at some point."
I just sat there dumbfounded.
This is what my parents think of me and this is what they think life is like...being miserable and making money.

I'm not sure I agree...

So I dry off my tears try to compose myself and head back to my desk to blog work.
And google job opportunities outside of Canada...I have to get away from this.


  1. I don't think that I agree, either. I'm sorry you've been having such a hard time with your family. You're so smart and awesome and, honestly, do what is best for you. You know what that is. xoxo

  2. @A- thanks that totally helps. Love your comments :) xo

  3. I'm so sorry you are going with such a tough time lately. I do not agree with your dad's assessment of how life is supposed to be. Yes there will be struggles and yes things won't always go the way you had hoped, but I think you deserve much more than to be miserable every day. I know I'm struggling with my situation at work right now too because I feel like I deserve more as well. The hardest part though is being patient and seeing what is going to happen and what will come of all this pain. This too shall pass and this time of your life is just testing you and building a stronger you to set you up for great success and happiness very soon! :)