Then this morning I'm at work and my dad starts to talk to me about how the best thing to do once everything is in order with my actual job (not the current reception job) I should stay here for another year and save money.
Which leads me bursting into tears (not so awesome) and blubbering out "this is hell...I've been here for almost a year (in June) and I can't do this anymore...I feel tortured here."
I couldn't even describe the feeling that occurs some days. My allergytoCanada feeling where I feel like my skin is too tight and I'm I feel like I'm about to burst. I have such such negative feelings associated with being here versus the joy/elation I feel in a warm climated country.
So anyway my dad just says "okay well then do what you have to".
Seriously I had no reason to cry whatsoever.
I'm just a hot mess as of late.
Then I just noticed that my bra seems unreasonably tight (I'm almost positive I have a change in bra size like the week before my period). Which is way better than the bloaty awesome gunt (gut + an awful word for lower lady parts) that occurs with my period.
I've always had awful periods.
To the point where it made me vomiting sick and stayed home from school in high school.
I've worked a lot of it out but still have some noticible issues...mainly being worse than a preggo in terms of emotional swings. I find that I get sad/cryey rather than bitchy/angry.
So that is likely my "deal" right now or at least that's what I'm attributing my crazylady feelings/moods/etc to.
Kind of a waste of a blog post.
Sorry.
Have you ever talked to your doctor about endometriosis? I have had similar experiences with my periods my whole life and just found out about 1.5 years ago that I have endo and probably have had it for a long time. Might be worth at least asking! Sorry you have had such a blah time!
ReplyDelete@AnEarly30- likely I do have endometriosis. I had an ultrasound within the last year to rule out ovarian cysts (mum has had history of) and endometriosis causing further complications (like big enough to cause issues with surrounding organs/vasculature). It was negative (though I'm sure you understand that isn't the gold standard surgery is...which isn't something I wanted to do at this point). Thank you for letting me know that you had similar experiences too because then I don't feel so crazy. It is always cyclical in nature and only gets minimized if I drop a bunch of weight. So that is definitely a goal :)
ReplyDeleteGunt. teeheehee. Putting that into my vocabulary.
ReplyDelete@A- there is no other word that really works for this area...sometimes I've heard pouch but doesn't quite convey the same message does it? haha
ReplyDelete