Trip to see Taylor!!!!

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Forcing a shift

I'm bummed.
I haven't heard from my Miami classmate at all.
Whatever its been two days and I just need to move on.

The problem is when I like someone one I like someone like 100%...I don't know half way.
Which is an interesting lesson because with MrRealtor it wasn't there...even though I was trying.
Stuck in the is this good enough.

Being in my bummy mopey self this weekend I's not.

Cue the official get together for a breakup talk know in person ugh! 
(I freaking hate those!!! Especially when you aren't even together!)

And while I alternate between smiling at the memories of less than a week ago.
I think I need to understand the reality of it.

For him it likely just was a usual night (he is super good looking and smart and fun and a great kisser...I cannot even begin to think of the caliber of women he dates/has been with...I mean he lives in MIAMI for gosh sakes and he lived in Sao Paulo Brazil...have you ever goggled Brazilian women...don't it almost destroyed my self esteem lol).
The only difference for him is that it was with the prettiest girl from his grad school class 
(his words not mine).
Nothing had ever transpired between him when we were in fact I never hooked up fully with anyone in my class.
Probably a fun memory but not much more than that for him. 
In fact, it probably blends into quite a few memories...
Another notch in his bedpost or whatever.
Another chance to show his....umm...skills.

But for me it was bliss.
It was comfort in a familiar friendship.
That went from drunken playfulness to steamy making out...
That then went on to the morning...drinking in the sun.
The hand holding the giggling the sneaking glances with him pulling my hand to his lips.

It was how it rolled into the next day with the warm sun on my skin.
The requests for kisses.
Sitting at that bar.
Pic from here
Him telling me that I was really beautiful.
Sometimes leaning in whispering kiss me.
And I was too happy to oblige.
The little things that pop into my head like him returning from the rest room and crossing behind me kissing me on the top of my head...this totally made me melt...such a sweet pleasant surprise.

The beach walking hand in hand.
The suggestion to go swimming with a wink and a nudge.
I usually hate the ocean but with him I just went in giggling without a second thought.
Clinging to him as the waves crashed against us.
Kissing and giggling until we both were shivering.

Then warming up on the blanket...falling asleep in between kisses.
That is the issue really.  
That was pretty much my DREAM perfect 24 hours.

BUT I need to realize that was not his experience.
But it needs to be okay because I was reminded of that feeling.
The feeling I can't wait to have.
With whoever I'm meant to be with.
And I hold out hope that there is someone out there like that for me.
And quickly try to move on because in all reality it isn't with the person I JUST experienced that with (unfortunately).
So I just need to pull myself up by my boot straps and remind myself that.
And force myself to move on.

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