Trip to see Taylor!!!!

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Difficult Decisions

So tonight my parents came up to the TDot.
We had dinner and then the main reason they came up...
I've decided to temporarily give them my dog.

He is and has been really ill for awhile.
I think I alluded to this before.
There is something wrong with him.

We don't know what because he seems to just have an elevated white blood cell count specifically neutrophils which is basically only suggestive of infection.
The doctor's recommendation is to do surgical biopsy of intestines and the liver to see if anything comes up.

This surgery would involve putting him on general anaesthesia.
He is about 5lbs and tiny and this sort of nonspecific exploratory surgery does NOT sit well with me.  Plus it would be upwards of $3000.
So I've been struggling with this decision awhile.

Our current plan of action is a rather large dose of antibiotics with bloodwork on a monthly basis to monitor if anthing changes.
And of course I look out for other signs of him deteriorating.
Yesterday I was a wreck with worry because he just refused to eat.
And he typically seems to do better when I'm around.
ie. there is a noticible personality difference when I'm home (like weekend) versus a long day at work.

My parents are home a ton.
My mum's work is 5 minutes away.
She goes home for lunch.
My grandmother is at my parents home all day long two days a week.
So I made the decision to let them take him.
I think he would be happier.
But I'm heartbroken.

At least my parents basically took it as they will take him for a few weeks and "fatten him up" and then return him here.
Deep down in my gut I worry that I've sent him to my parents house to essentially die.
Part of me selfishly admits that that would be easier than doing that on my own here.
The thought of losing him crushes my heart.
I seriously have anxiety about finding him dead here and what would I do.
It freaks me right out actually.

I love my dog.
He has been with me since 3 weeks after I first moved to Texas.
He studied with me for every single test (and there were hundreds).
It's been me and him.

He survived a crazy exboyfriend essentially attack us and chase us around our apartment one night.  It was like some bad episode of cops seriously ridiculous.
He was with me when I fell in love with Jacob.
He was with me when my heart was broken by Jacob in Philadelphia.
He refused to leave my side when Spencer absolutely destroyed my heart in Canada.
When all I would do was sleep and watch TV and cry...he was there curled up in a ball beside me following me from bed to couch to bed.
He has survived moves and flights internationally.
He is the sweetest most loyal dog ever.

And I can't help though but feel like one of those Teen Moms on MTV.
You know the irresponsible ones that continue to party and go out, leaving their parents to babysit/raise their child because they just want to be a normal teenager.
Part of me feels very very guilty about this situation.
I wonder if I made the right decision.
Tonight I have the sads :(


  1. Aw, girl. What a heartbreaking decision!! I miss my puppies when they are on vacation and they're not even feeling yukky. My little one did look a little strange the other day and my heart turned over in my chest until we realized what it was. Sounds like you absolutely did the right thing, even though I'm not sure that makes it feel better. Better for him to have people around 24/7 the way he is feeling right now. How heart-wrenching, though.

  2. @PinkSunDrops- Thanks for the kind words :) xo