Honesty

Why the heck am I wondering what MrDentist is doing tonight?!
Why am I contemplating texting him.
Then start to wonder if I should text him tomorrow.
Don't worry I won't.
Just letting you know what's going on in my head.
Sigh.

Getting ready aka unhermitting

Y'all so I haven't heard a peep out of MrDentist (I know no one is actually surprized).
So I straightened up my place and I'm about to get started getting ready.
Taking my time, sipping a cocktail and listening to Taylor and my's mix tape.

Something low key and kind of silly on the table for tonight.
I'm going to Dave & Buster's with Laurel and her fiance (from this night months ago!) and their friends.
We've got drinks and glow in the dark mini golf on the agenda.

Maybe not as "cool" as the Thompson hotel or bottle service at the hottest club or even a fancy shmancy dinner.
But these are good people.
And I think I need to take a step back from the shallow world of mistresses/talking big/showing off.
Even if I kind of like to visit that world sometimes.

At least I'm getting out of the house.
And I'm not hermitting it up.
Which has happened in the past.
So I'm proud of myself for taking this step.
Just thought I would let y'all know.

Things I tried not to notice or think about yesterday

1. That MrDentist didn't communicate at all yesterday.
That I need to sort of dust myself off and force myself to forget about all of that.
That I didn't seriously think of everything over and over again (as I mentioned in this post).
I mean why do all those things/say all those things/then basically go MIA.
I am so tangential right now (and I think I'm using tangential wrong in the sentence by the way).
So sick of boys going MIA...hmmm though sometimes I go MIA when I don't know how to reject someone ie. MrFinance (as mentioned here and here).
Note to self STOP doing that because it's mean.

2. It would have been my pseudo two year wedding anniversary yesterday.  Scary.  Which just made me feel ill actually.  And makes me think I should throw out the Burberry Trench fund straight into the hire a Dlawyer/private investigator to get this ball rolling.  But then I try not to think of it because the financial commitment is just way too burdening and I think in the back of my head the emotional thing probably would get to me a little.

3. Why oh WHY did I open up to MrDentist about Spencer.  Now I feel more humiliated and embarrassed about my past.  Note to self...no opening up anymore early on.

Well that's actually it but they were seemed like some pretty big things yesterday that I was trying to ignore...but wasn't actually very successful.
Total pink elephant in the room.
Does anyone else use that  expression or did I make it up?

I know there is an expression of an elephant in the room (which is impossible to ignore).
I always use the example, if someone told you "do NOT to think of a pink elephant" ...
isn't it kind of funny that THAT is all you can think about??? No?
I'm guess I'm strange and just a little rambly this morning.


Pic from here

Monday night dinner with the Missy

Y'all so on Monday night (I know so SO behind!)
I had dinner with the Missy (aka my colleagues mistress...the one from this crazy evening).
She had suggested one of her new favourite places called The Shore Club.


I tried to make a new outfit from old clothes and I think I succeeded.
Plus I wanted to wear these boots more.
They are from Nordstrom's 
(from Northpark in Dallas where I had so many fun shopping trips with Tay).

Sound fancy dancy and expensive right?
It was.
You know how I think sometimes a restaurant is nice?
When they give you a pretty bag for your leftovers.

So I walked in and y'all it was super pretty.
I thought it was a fab restaurant.
And to be honest I sort of was trying to find out a little more about MrDentist because she attended the boys Vegas trip (yes I know that seems so strange).

AND I have to admit I was slightly hesitant because of how the bill situation happened that crazy evening.
I got even more worried when we ordered Kir Royale's and oysters and beef carpacchio to start.
And when she ordered the steak and lobster and a second cocktail I got a tad bit nervous and started doing the mental tallying.
I order the halibut and asparagus (you saw my leftovers in this fun fab post) 

We had some really good talks.
And I found it a lot of fun (and a great way to spend a Monday night!)
I learned more about her and tried not to be such an open book myself 
(I usually am SUCH an open book and sometimes when you don't know someones exact motive for having you out for dinner it may not be such a great idea.  Like sometimes I feel like I should just keep my mouth shut!  But instead I usually open up so fast (which sometimes can not be such a great idea).


So anyway she told me that MrDentist really likes me but...
he apparently told her he was trying NOT to fall for me.
Ummmmm why???
Anyway she gave me the advice to date other people.
So by the end of dinner I was also thoroughly confused.


Then the tab came and guess what?!
She picked it up!
I said we should at least split it.
She said it was to make up for that crazy night.
So I offered to get dinner the next time (I am all about being fair for that stuff).


And y'all I just don't know.
I know from the conversation that she doesn't like her "situation".
Nor does she expect her situation to change.
And parts of me really feel bad for her.
And parts of me are super weary of such a social climber.
But I need to continue to explore and grow more friendships here in the city.
So I'm treading cautiously.


Anyway on our way out of the restaurant.
A group of 4 business men stopped us to compliment our boots (awesome!)
And it's great because Missy is just cool enough to throw sort of the bitch vibe out without guys getting offended.
I mainly stood there and smiled and giggled.
Before we wished them a good evening and properly strutted away.


Pics from here

and then this happened...

So I was minding my own business.
Driving on into work this morning when.
My phone buzzed.


And I looked down and it was a text from MrDentist.
"Hey!! Good morning!"


Um what?!


So I thought about it awhile.
Strange.
Definitely strange.


Then within the hour I responded with...
Hi 
Good morning :)


And y'all that's it.
So weird right?!
I wonder what his deal is.
So the drama continues ....for now.
I'll keep y'all posted!



Pic from here

Reaching

Ever have the feeling that people say you look nice that day because you've put so much effort into it so no one actually realizes you are totally and utterly bummed out?!  Today was a day like that...

So after much contemplation.
I figured I should reach out for the small sliver of hope reason that perhaps he misinterpreted disinterest from my side. 
So after endless cycles of typing then erasing then typing then erasing 
I finally sent this at 11:47am... 
Hi :)  haven't heard from you in a few days...everything ok?


AND...
Nothing.
No response.
Zero.
Nada.


And I try to not cycle through the following thoughts and things ....


~the things like glancing at each other from inside his car and both of us breaking into silly big goofy grins
~his sweet gestures like a croissant and water waiting for me that Sunday morning before we went to that wine tasting even (here)
~him blaming missing a turn because I was beautifully distracting
~the make out until 3am on his friends couch (during this date)
~him explaining how at both dinners he was jumping down outside with excitement over looking at me inside
~asking me in front of his friends how I manage to look so beautiful from every angle
~driving in his car and rubbing his arm and him saying "I love when you do that"
~him taking my hand and putting it on the back of his neck and shoulder on our way home from Niagara to Toronto when I had done it earlier in the trip and he wanted it some more
~him stopping on his way to the bathroom to kiss me quickly during our lunch out


and then the confusion sets in
I just don't get it
And it's obviously starting to be a little scary reminiscent of MM and Spencer and this freaks me right the heck out!
At this point it is about 9 HOURS since I sent the message.
That alone is such a bad bad BAD sign.
SO obviously still so cranky.


Pic from here

Valentine's Day Rant

Y'all I was (am?) the type of person who LOVED Valentine's Day.
I loved all the pink and red and mushiness.
The flowers, the candy, the cards and all that love.


Well...
Today I'm in a mood.
I feel like saying F*@% You Facebook pictures/status update.
Ohhhhhh look at me!!!! My boyfriend/fiance/husband is SOOOOOOOOOOO amazing and thinks I'm SOOOOOOOOO amazing.*
BLEH!


I also may just be a little cranky from feeling bloaty and gross.
DOUBLE BLEH!
Actually you know why I'm actually cranky?
Because I'm a hopeless romantic.
Walking out this morning I was secretly hoping...


I totally live in a dream world where I hope and dream and wish that maybe someone** 
...will surprise me with flowers.
Or really a text message.
Heck I'm so so mad at myself to be willing to accept such a 0 effort gesture.
Which is so not even close to being good enough!
And just in case you're wondering not even THAT was made.


This morning I was full of hope.
I even had a Valentine's Day outfit for work.
Please ignore the bloat.
Instead pay attention to my new favourite combo of baby pink and red.

Here are the shoes.
I'm so cranky right now I feel like even my feet are bloaty...gross.

And at the end of the day...reality sets in.
I'm eating leftovers from last evening dinner (more about that later).

Watching the Bachelor.

Alone.


So it actually makes me a little panicky.
I know if I continued to date MrAccountant he would have planned something.
I know if I continued to date MrEngineer/MrDoctor he would have taken me out for dinner (now I may very well have had to pick up the tab but at least I would be out tonight).
I know if I continued to date MrRussian he would have for sure sent flowers, and complimented me and planned something wonderful.
So did I make a mistake?!
Should I not have cleared all those dates I had lined up?
When I felt something there with him**


I get a little panicky when instead of a message from the person I want to get a message from...**
I get a message from Jacob.
Which of course you know I had to have a little fun with paint.
Today's message is at the bottom...seriously.

So it makes me panic a bit.
Is something better than nothing?
Is a little better than nothing at all?
And this is where I begin to slightly panic.


Especially because of things that still float in and out of my dreams...
comments like here (less than two weeks ago)***
or things like
'I never thought I would find even how smart you are to be such an attractive quality...'
I may have even heard at dinner last evening that he is 'trying not to fall for me'
Seriously are you also shaking your head.
Because I am.
I mean really WTF.


And I'm cranky and irritated.
So when I'm especially like this I head on down to the treadmill to pound out some kilometres (miles if you're American) I'm about to go do that.


I also play this little comparison game.
Where I wish I was in the next year ahead (hoping to maybe be in love and everything that comes with).
I look at a year back (where I was in Winterpeg barely noticing that it was Valentine's Day).
Looking two years back (where I was madly in love and at the time traveling in Thailand with my bestie, my brother and my fiance).
Looking three years back (where I was just freshly moved to Canada temporarily and had a fresh new romance that was kind of fun but mainly a distraction).
And then it becomes too annoying to continue to look back and I simply don't want to look back any further...


So I'm cranky.
A little bored.
And maybe just slightly contemplating sending in my application for the Bachelor Canada haha (seriously they are casting for the first season here).
Except can you imagine the scandalous US Weekly covers possible with my drama?!
So let's not even go there.
So don't mind me if I kind of want to flip off Valentine's Day just a little.

*Disclaimer- to my lovely friends who have posts/facebook pics etc.  Love ya and the fact that you have this in your lives...I'm just a little emerald-eyed at the moment!
**MrDentist
***So I'm probably totally overreacting like HUGE


Pics from here here when they aren't my own