Six

Saturday night was date number six.
MrClarkKent came to pick me up (which I love).
Then we headed downtown.


We headed to an area called the Annex.
Close to wear MrClarkKent lived during his university days.
Very "Toronto" with tiny little restaurants.
So we walked up and down before deciding on Tati Bistro.

Pic from here

A super cute French restaurant.
We both like French food.
I just used "we" for the first time teehee.

Pic from here

I love spending time with this man.
The conversation flows.
He makes me laugh.
He's a gentleman.

Pic from here

We ordered a prosciutto/cheese/melon/fig plate to start.
He ordered the lamb shank.
I ordered the beef bourguignon.
We shared a lemon tart for dessert to share.


Then we headed back to his place.
For makeout on the couch.
I got a little nervous and said we should slow down.
So we had a bottle of wine.


Then the makeout turned into a sleepover.
Which was incredible.
He is amazing.
I'm totally falling for this guy.


Waking up in his arms was just incredible.
He's a great...cuddler ;)
We lounged around in bed until just after noon.

Then we got ready.
And headed back to my place so I could hop in the shower and change.
After all ahem I wasn't expecting to spend the night.


Then we headed to Pacific Mall for DimSum.

Pic from here

Which TOTALLY reminded me of the local shopping malls in Singapore.
Like an eerie deja vu/homesickness feeling.
As we strolled through the mall we held hands (love by the way).

Pic from here

Can I just mention he has such great preppy style.
I find him so attractive.
So we headed to Taste of Korea restaurant.
We ordered some yummy food.

Pic from here

We also bumped into one of his friends from high school.
He introduced me (by name ...we aren't at that official title stage yet).
Then we had lunch and talked and talked some more.
I feel like I want to talk to him about everything.


After we wandered around for a little bit before he dropped me back off at home.
So there you have it... I'm officially not playing the field.
Screw it.
I'd rather fall for MrClarkKent.

Five

So I had a pretty long and busy day on Tuesday at work.
But was giddy looking forward to a dinner date with MrClarkKent.
Especially after a great Sunday night 3 hour phone conversation.
Also a little apprehension on when I would bring up the Spencerbombshell.


So I had a cute outfit ready to go.
He picked me up at work.
He lives downtown so he jumped out of a cab.
And oh my goodness y'all he is so super duper handsome!
Like dress shirt with a heavy knit sweater over.
He is just ohmygoodness sooooooo sexy.
Even his jacket I just love his sense of preppy style.


And when we said hi we shared a perfect kiss.
Then we started walked down a main street downtown.
My arm looped through his.
We dipped into Joey for a drink first.

Pic from here

I was a little frazzled from my day.
So he decided on a wine for me (and by noticing I usually order Italian reds...he's paying attention!)
And I couldn't help but just smile at him.
When we were settling into a seat in the bar area I toke of my jacket and he said I looked great.
He suggested we get dumplings to start...which were deliciousness!

Pic from here

And I can't even describe how spending time with him absolutely flies by.
We decided to move on to another spot for dinner.
He was a little indecisive but then picked Terroni.



And I knew I would love it as soon as we walked in.






I love places like this.
And interesting enough they have restaurants in Toronto and LA.
We decided to share the beef carpaccio, a salad and a pizza.


Carpaccio di Manzo
handcut raw beef tenderloin, lemon juice extra virgin olive oil, parmigiano reggiano shavings, arugola

 

Ricchia
arugola, fresh mushrooms, parmigiano reggiano shavings, lemon


Pizza Cosí
tomato, fresh porcini mushrooms, mozzarella, fontina and prosciutto di parma






It was amazing.
I really like sharing a meal with this man.
He is smart and funny and incredibly good looking.
I totally talked way too much.


And when I was describing my entirely frazzled day.
He reached across and grabbed my hand.
And just....it was perfect.


After he invited me to his place for some tea.
It was a cold night so I agreed.
Who am I kidding.
I just wanted to make out on his couch.




So we did.
There was a moment when he was making us tea when he leaned down (he's super tall) and I went up to on my tiptoes to kiss him and it just felt right...and just so perfect.
And then it was funny because he apologized how quickly things moved Friday evening.
(And we didn't ...you know but it was a little fast for my usual speed).
And I giggled embarrassed and joked about us not being able to keep our hands off each other.
And that couches were much safer than beds.


And then I had the feeling that I should tell him.
But every time I tried to drop the Spencerbombshell I froze.
But then it came to the point where then he KNEW I was trying to tell him something.
Until he half coaxed it out of me/half guessed.


And I told him I was worried about telling him.
But also fully understood that this might be a deal breaker for him.
He asked how long ago it was.
And then he said, "I didn't say that was a deal breaker for me".
And then he kissed me.


And I didn't want him to stop kissing me.
But it eventually reached almost 3am.
And I had to pry myself away from him.


I like him... a lot.
But if I want to go slow...I better stay away from beds haha.
To be continued ...I hope.

Falling

Pic from here

Y'all I'm falling.
I'm totally falling for MrClarkKent.
I need to a date re-cap of last night...but first.


Driving home from work today.
On pure adrenaline due to about 3 hours total sleep last night.
I realized....it just hit me.
I smiled as that Calvin Harris song came on (in this post).
And I turned it up.


The realization flooded in.
I'm totally falling for this guy.
I want to spend more time with him.
(I don't want to play the field and go on a ton of dates).
I want to know more about him.
I want him to make me laugh all the time!
(Like he does on every date.)
I want to lay on the couch snuggled into him while he brushes my bangs to the side.
(Did I mention I love how he touches me).
I want to make out until 3am again.
I want him.


And I'm trying to be cool about it.
But y'all I'm never cool about it...this is for sure going to be big huge super time trouble.
Uh-oh.

Girls Night.

Saturday was officially girls night.
I don't even know how I rallied after my super late Friday night and then CPR recert all day.
But I did.


I met Laurel at Nota Bene.

Pic from here

Pic from here

Despite the subpar service it was good.
The food and wine saved it ;)


We had 
CRISP DUCK SALAD nb
Sumac-Dusted Green Papaya Slaw, Cashews


DUNGENESS CRAB CAKE
Tomatillo Relish, Guajillo Purée, Coriander


RABBIT SOFFRITO, PAPPARDELLE PASTA nb
Porcini Mushrooms, House Pancetta, Olives


nb | Nota Bene Signature dishes


Then we headed to Yukyuks.

It was hilarious.
I always forget how much I like comedy clubs.
It's super fun to start off your night with some laughs.
Then we met up with four of our other girlfriends at a pub.

Pic from here

Which is not my style.
Especially because Laurel and I were all dolled up in cocktail dresses and heels.
And we totally got stared at.
But I have a new drink!
Gin and tonic (but with at least three limes!)
Totally a Taylor inspired drink.
Nice because I don't slam it back (like Rum and Cokes etc) but not so sickly sweet that I feel terrible the next day.


Then we headed to a place that the other girls had been dying to check out called Laide.
Which was a cross between exactly what you think that is and the last half of the street Adelaide.
It looked alright from the photos on the website.

And yes that is naked bodies in the hallway entrance.
Anatomically correct.
The thing is it was just sort of trashy to be honest.
It had the potential to be kind of cool.
But it was just sloppy and looks run down on the inside and with the dim lighting, all black walls, sheets covering the benches and porn being shown on a wall (like 70s porn...blech) it just seemed kinda sleazy.
I didn't care for it at all.
So I was happy when Laurel was keen to leave early as well.
And with that I feel into bed exhausted on my Saturday girls night out!

Florida "the feelings" post

Pic from here

First to clarify.
I'm not a writer.
A rambler yes but not a writer.


So I need to sort out and try to describe the feelings I had while in Florida.
I don't think I can do these feelings justice but I need to get them out here because I can't carry them on me right now.


It's hard to describe everything I felt while I was there.
The nervousness I felt when the car service picked me up at 4:30am.
Heading through the Toronto airport.
The butterflies and heart racing as the plane touched down in Florida.


Part of the anxiety is that it seems like Spencer's state.
And I think of how he flew out of this airport multiple times to come visit me in Canada.
And for a second I worry that I'm going to run into him at the airport.
And really what I mean by that is that I'm actually worried I will run into him with a woman who is way more beautiful than myself.


Then the other things hit me.
I was supposed to be here.
This was supposed to be my state.
Home.


And the tightness I feel in my throat is a little overwhelming.
Matched with a weekend of my parents picking me up from the airport.
And I try to stay composed.


Then the feeling of walking outside.
And the sun on my face and on my skin.
And its like feeling warm and cozy.
In sharp contrast to the grey cool of Toronto.


And as we leave the airport and head to WholeFoods to pick up groceries.
Glancing at others in their doing their grocery shopping.
And the pang of jealousy.
I want to be you.  I want this to be MY grocery store.


Heading to my parent's home.
Driving into the gated community.
Perfectly manicured.
Tennis courts and a golf course.


Driving up to my parent's friend's (Lindsay and Jack) house (who live 8 doors down from my parents).
The same ones that I wrote about back here if you remember.
And I was hit with the realization.
THIS is the very house Spencer first my parents in April/May 2010 (wow it was that long ago).
He ended up spending the whole day with them and Lindsay and Jack.


I tried to shake that out of my head.
And the thoughts of what on earth happened???
And the "what if's" as if what if things had gone different.


The first night there I went for a run.
The warmth was there.
It's a comfort about Florida too.
Which is a strange juxtaposition to the Spencer anxiety that creeps in there.


But when I'm there it's a mix of extreme belonging.
I feel like I'm MEANT to be there.
It is me.
Versus how in Toronto I feel like a foreigner.
This is my home country but it doesn't feel like home.
I said I would give it at least a year.
And that is approaching at the end of July.
And then what?


The world is my option.
However, what I want I don't think is an option.
Florida.
Or anywhere in the states because the complication of visas etc.
But I could look into more so.
Perhaps it is less of a hurdle then I freaked out about before.


One of the best things that we did was drive up to Orlando for a day/night.
My brother and I had suggested we go to Universal Studios (which growing up we went to 17 times!)
So we headed up there and spent the day on rides and laughing.
And it was the good family feeling I had growing up.
It was actually one of the best things I have done with my family in a very VERY long time.
We had so many laughs and just spent the whole day together.
Then we headed to Emeril's restaurant for dinner and Margaritaville afterwards.
And it was the family memories I remember that I loved.
And it was just such a great awesome feeling.


There was some rough times too while I was there.
Mainly when a few select people asked me about Spencer.
And about how I was supposed to be living there now and "how FUNNY that you are hear now " dripping with venomous sarcasm. 
It came from the same person who asked me for tips on planning her upcoming wedding in my hometown.
Seriously.
I totally wanted to punch her in the face.


Then at Easter brunch with Bella's mom and dad (my aunt and uncle) at Top of the Point.
And my other aunt and uncle (my uncle is a prominent politician in Canada).
All who have homes there.
My uncle the politician pulled me aside at brunch.
He said, "you know Teagan you really are a unique beautiful person.  I know this must be tough for you but you know what?  You have a sense of class and style and deserve the good things in life.  It's interesting to have watched you grown up.  You have an elegance and a class that people can see.  All these things that you want and enjoy in life will come.  Don't worry."
And I was stunned.


He got that.
I felt like he understood me.
No one understands me in my family.
But he did.
In a random little conversation between the carving station and salad station.
And I started to feel less guilty about the snobby feelings I've been having.
The feelings that I belong to a certain level of doing things.
And I feel like a total snob for liking these things.
But I like them.
I like manners and etiquette and all the things that seem very WASPey.


It's almost a guilt feeling or like a secret I'm carrying.
But every single cell in my body feels like it's screaming it!
I belong here (FL).
Which is just very hard to deal with when I clearly cannot embrace where I do currently live with even close to the same amount of enthusiasm.
It really isn't for a lack of trying.
But it doesn't feel the same and I don't know if it ever will.
And I'm left wondering if I will always be in constant wanting for the land of sunshine.

Much More Music

Here are a few songs that are currently on my playlist and make me smile.
My top 10 if you will but in no particular order...

Someone that I used to know.
Goyte

We are young
Fun.

Boyfriend
Justin Bieber

Starships
Nikki Minaj

Back in time
Pitbull
*totally because of DirtyDancing

Feel so close
Calvin Harris

Brokenhearted
Karmin

Where have you been
Rihanna

Rack City
Tyga

She can ride
Dru

Friday Night

So Friday night I had a date with MrClarkKent.
He has been really sweet and nice and I'm starting to definitely have a big crush on him.


On Friday he was coming from a viewing for one of his high school classmates who had passed away.
Obviously I suggested we reschedule but he was keen to keep it we just pushed it back by about an hour.
Its tough because it's one of those awkward life situations.
Everyone deals with it differently.


So he came to pick me up from my place 
(which is great because I live WAY in the Northeast part of the city).
At first he was a little quiet and things were a little less smooth.
I found myself trying to think of some of the right things to say with this situation.


We started to drive downtown...we didn't really have a plan.
He had other things on his mind and was acting sort of distracted.
(Which is completely okay given the situation- I just need to take a deep breath sometimes and not interpret it as disinterest).
We had some pretty serious conversations.
I actually opened up to him about my Grandfather and my cousin passing away.
We quietly chatted on the way to his place to drop off his car and decide on where to go.


We went to a place called Le Papillion.

Pic from here

He had been there a few times with his parents before.
He also really like French food just like me.


It was super cute inside.



The atmosphere was great and romantic.

And as we were hanging out we sort of relaxed into each others company.

We had some great chats about things.
I tried to make him laugh by suggesting the waitresses french accent was totally fake.
I'm kind of silly like that.


Almost forgot.
Here is what I decided to wear.
I think it's fun because it's lace but kind of animal print but not like crazy in your face animal print.

I was pushing the envelope.
I was dressing up for a hot date...
And it was a Friday night.

After we headed back to his place.
He also isn't very like escort/hand-holdy.
Which is tough when I'm trying to keep up with his sexy long legs walk.
(Especially in 4" heels!)


When I almost faceplanted (seriously!!!) due to the extremely rough cracked pavement.
I said "okay I'm going to grab onto you know before I humiliate myself".
He joked back that that it was pretty mean to take me through a place where I could likely kill myself...and maybe this actually was his plan so that I would end up grabbing on to him.
(Cute but if he had offered his arm I would have taken it right away).
Anywho we walked to his place where we proceeded to make out like crazy on his couch.
And oh my goodness is he ever an amazing kisser!
At about 1:30am I suggested it was pretty late.
And I had a CPR recert all day Saturday.


So he drove me home.
On the way there I was struggling with do I or don't I invite him up.
You see some of the tough things (and also very Canadian things) is the little amount of "feedback" from him.

Side note:

In ALL of my past serious relationships.

There is "feedback" and a LOT of it.

There are MANY compliments 

(ie. your're beautiful etc).

I need love compliments.

I also am used to guys falling really fast.

Or at least BSing me that they are falling fast.

With many sentiments of mentioning the future 

(with serious and non-serious relationships alike)

ie. MrDentist- the condo future comment 

of 

wouldn't it be funny 

if one of the condos we looked at 

was one of the first ones we lived in etc.

MM- the offer to move in with him 

for 6 weeks when I first moved to Toronto

Spencer- knowing I was "the one"

Jacob- telling me over and over 

how lucky he was to be with someone so 

beautiful and smart and perfect for him

And I fully realize all of these things MAY be the problem.

BUT I find security in this feedback.

And I do WANT to hear daily that I'm beautiful.

I also like giving complements too so it's not one sided.

Anywho the compliments MrClarkKent has given me twice have been "that's a nice dress".
And I smile politely and thank him.
But in my head I think...ummm okay you are complimenting my style (but anyone can buy a nice dress) how about what's going on in the dress?  ....do you like that???
He hasn't told me I'm pretty/beautiful/gorgeous (really any of these will do).
And we keep going on dates so he must be interested right?
So when we got there I invited him up for a drink.


Which turned into some serious fooling around.
Mixed in with some conversations.
I told him he's hard to read.
He told me he gets that a lot.
I almost tried to bring up the Spencerbombshell convo.
But it was way more fun making out with him.
Then we reached the point where it was 4am 
where it's that awkward moment of what's next...
And we were laying on my narrow couch.
Which is much too narrow for 2 people never mind one rather handsome 6'4" guy.
Both of us were clearly really tired too.


So I invited him to stay over (totally not in my plan I had my comfy not newly washed t-shirt sheets on the bed and what the heck was I going to do about pajamas?!)
He was exhausted (it was 4am and it had been a long day).
So off to bed (I decided on my cotton tank/shorts pajamas the pink/yellow ones).
Where we again had some fun fool around time 
(you know the non-sex kind where I remain fully clothed 
which apparently is my specialty...and totally embarrassing by the way
ie. the chef at Eva's bachelorette and MrDentist at his friends house).


By the time we actually were going to sleep it was close to 6.
I had to be up and going by 9:30.
So I snuggled into him (gosh it is SO incredible to snuggle into him).
And before I knew it the alarm was buzzing.
And it was slightly awkward as I was now incredibly shy.
Funny how the effects of wine can make you feel a lot more bold/confident.
Those effects are gone by the morning.


I felt terrible because I had no breakfast to offer him.
I asked if he wanted a coffee/water (I felt like such a bad host!)
Then I hopped in the shower scrambling to get ready.
My ringer went off while I was in the shower.
He asked if it was from the Hunger Games.
I blushed because I was totally caught about that nerdy thing.
But the fact that he also knew what it was was a sense of shared nerdiness haha.


Then we walked down to his car.
Where he told me he had a fun time and thanked me for inviting him to stay over.
Then I sped off to my busy day that was beginning with a CPR recert.
Where I had 0 focus and just daydreamed about making out with MrClarkKent.
Uh-oh I think I may really like him.


We are for sure at the point where I want to see where things go with him.
However I do have other dates on the calendar.
So what do I do???
Part of me would feel super embarrassed if I was to run into him on a date (like tonight...where the restaurant is so super close to where he lives I'm already in a panic).
Especially because I do like him.
But remember the last time I cancelled all my dates because of MrDentist?
That didn't exactly work out.
Playing the field is totally way harder than it sounds.

Another delivery

It happened again yesterday.
(Just like last Friday).

Yup another rose.

But this time a card...

Ummm rightttttttttt.
I'm sorry y'all but I'm finding it a little creepy.
I haven't even MET you in person yet dude!
And I hadn't addressed anything to him because we never talked about the last flower delivery...in fact I've sort of been avoiding his text messages...
This is becoming so totally awkward at this point!

I am Canadian

It's been awhile since I've posted something funny.
Happy Friday.
Oh so TOTALLY true!
And you'll "get it" if you love hockey.
And what I would like to do sometimes to people when they poke fun at Canadians.
Admittingly(so not a word I know) I don't usually get that because 
everyone always thinks I'm American.

Spoiled!

My parents got back from Florida and were in Toronto this past Sunday.
They had a surprise for me!
I got VERY excited when I saw the Lilly Pulitzer bag...


Look!
My very very FIRST Lilly Pulitzer dress!

I love the detail ruffle at the top of the dress...and the pockets!

And this very super cute cover up too!

I love the pink and I LOVE the ruffles.
A simply perfect outfit!
That I can't wait to wear in the spring weather!


I'm totally spoiled!

Tues-date

So MrClarkKent and I had our third date lined up for last night.
He met me at my work.
I love how tall he is (6'4") and he's really cute but anyway.


He came to pick me up outside my office downtown.
We hopped in a cab to head to Origin.
Which I've been to one time before.
For my failed birthday attempt with Val (read here if you missed it).


We had amazing cocktails to start.
Then we shared an appetizer of Bufala mozzarella/pear/rosemary oil/pinenuts/honey 
which was amazing!

Pic from here I can't believe I actually found a pic of this on the internet by the way!

Then we moved on to some essential mini falafal(I have no idea how to spell it) balls.
Then we shared a warm mushroom salad and some perch that was also amazing.


It was a great atmosphere and I really enjoy his company.
He makes me laugh and he knows how to make me blush.
He's sweet and funny and a little bit nerdy (like me haha).


Afterwards he suggested we could go to his place for coffee/tea.
I agreed (why not right?)
So we headed to his place which was smack downtown.
Definitely a bachelor pad...he has a projection screen taking up an entire wall!


So he made some green tea for us to sip on.
We sat on his couch chatting.
He showed me how his projection screen thingy worked by putting on a movie 
(it may have been the last Harry Potter...just saying) and we chatted some more.
I told him about the flower incident (I'm not sure why...sometimes I need to stop my incessant chatter!)
He told me I seemed like a really sweet girl.
Which got me wondering ...am I really a sweet girl?
Then he kissed me.
And it was amazing!
We made out for a bit...and then I pulled away...giggling because I'm totally immature.
I just get really super nervous especially when I'm so worried about what he's thinking.
Admittedly I'm worried about dropping the SpencerBombshell.


But I'm thinking it needs to be done soon.
Before I start to fall for him to hard.
Because that's what I do.
Our next date is already on the calendar (I mentioned that here haha).
Friday.
Maybe SpencerBombshellFriday.
I'm a little worried.