6 Days later (after this conversation) I got this email...
Subject line: HI
Jan 9th, 2011 9:39am
Jacob: Hi zuzu!
I must NOT reply.
Why did he send me this email.
I shouldn't reply.
Why did he send me this...he didn't even make it a week since saying we shouldn't talk anymore.
What did this mean.
I can't respond.
Instead I email the girls...
Jane's response "maybe you should remind him he isn't talking to ex's any more"
Me: "weird eh? Sigh if only I didn't like talking to him haha totally selfish of me"
Jane: "well it doesn't do much for giving credit to what he says"
Me: "you are totally right"
Both Eva and Taylor had very colourful things to say about him and his character and his respect for his current fiancee seeing as he emailed me ...AGAIN.
I know I didn't want to be that girl.
I tried to stay strong I really did.
until
4:08pm
Me: Hi
Darnit I caved.
Maybe to be continued ....maybe not.
I guess we will see.
xoxo
The trying to be stronger but failing miserably Teagan
Trip to see Taylor!!!!
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
Chapter X-31: Everything can change in 2 hours and 2 minutes
11:19 AM Jacob: hi
11:20 AM me: Hi :)
Jacob: i dont think we should talk anymore
I was stunned...what was that conversation this morning then???
me: K
Jacob: dont take it personal
How do you NOT take it personal?! I was taking it very personal.
11:21 AM i talked to my fiance and we both agreed not to have contact with exs
(PS its fiancee for the girl! My wedding obsession garnered a lot of useless information).
me: Finw
E
But I was ticked and bothered and sad.
11:22 AM Jacob: i contacted u bf to get some info on the decatur and work stuff and didnt think u were back in canada and single
me: Fine
So I was floored and felt like he was trying to explain some stuff away because our conversation continued long after he knew I was in Canada and single.
Our conversation included many things past that.
But I would respect that.
And try to pull myself together...again.
Just like that everything changed...and it only took 2 hours and 2 minutes.
11:20 AM me: Hi :)
Jacob: i dont think we should talk anymore
I was stunned...what was that conversation this morning then???
me: K
Jacob: dont take it personal
How do you NOT take it personal?! I was taking it very personal.
11:21 AM i talked to my fiance and we both agreed not to have contact with exs
(PS its fiancee for the girl! My wedding obsession garnered a lot of useless information).
me: Finw
E
But I was ticked and bothered and sad.
11:22 AM Jacob: i contacted u bf to get some info on the decatur and work stuff and didnt think u were back in canada and single
me: Fine
So I was floored and felt like he was trying to explain some stuff away because our conversation continued long after he knew I was in Canada and single.
Our conversation included many things past that.
But I would respect that.
And try to pull myself together...again.
Just like that everything changed...and it only took 2 hours and 2 minutes.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Chapter X-30: Huge big changes for a new year
Monday January 3rd
I had returned from the weekend at the Lake House with the girls.
Val had caught me messaging Jacob on the 31st and ratted me out to the girls (deservingly so).
They confronted me and we had a talk that it was best that I stopped talking to him.
But I just couldn't force myself.
Bright bright super early Monday morning.
7:57 AM Jacob: hi
me: Hi
Jacob: how r u
me: Are you at work already?
7:58 AM Jacob: no at home \
working out in an hr
me: Oh that is good
Jacob: i saw X and Y are engaged on fb
me: Yucky
This couple is awful and basically caused a lot of pain and drama to way too many people and the thought of them getting together made me throw up in my mouth. Also, I knew I would have to tell one of my friends about it and it is terrible news to have to tell someone. I was now mad also because it seemed like everyone on this planet had found their "someone"...except me.
7:59 AM Jacob: how was yr weekend
me: Really good :) we had so much fun and the place was beautiful
8:00 AM How was yours?
Jacob: good
did yr parents get yr stuff back from Spencer's state
me: Yes
8:01 AM Jacob: how did it go
me: I think they get back today
Jacob: oh ok
me: Not without drama but at least it is done
Jacob: how so?
8:02 AM me: He wasn't there and his dad was
How did I get to the point where I was talking to HIM about THIS stuff
Jacob: oh ok, he didnt want to confront yr parents
me: Guess not
8:03 AM Jacob: why didnt yr parents say yes when he asked in the beginning
me: Didn't we already talk about it?
why did he want to know all this information????
8:04 AM Jacob: not sure why they said no
just the short time?
me: Few different things that was one of them...guess I shoukd have listened to them$
8:05 AM Jacob: what were others
me: Guess it doesn't matter now ...they hadn't met him yet etc
Jacob: oh ok
8:06 AM i see u never made to yr other computer lol he must REALLY want a copy of that picture...
me: Haha not yet
You will know when I do
8:08 AM Jacob: u think yr parents would have said yes to us
My heart practically stopped. This was WAY too early to be having this conversation.
Did he really just ask that?
8:09 AM me: At the time I think so they did a lot of stuff with us and your family
I'm guessing your parents would not have been too thrilled at the idea
8:10 AM Jacob: why do u say that, they would have supported anything I wanted no one had anything against u
I confess I am one of those people that is convinced that people don't like me that much from a boy's parents, to bosses I'm always convinced that I'm not good enough ...definitely need to work on that for new year and always
me: At the time I didn't want to be in PA
8:11 AM Jacob: I know
me: So they wouldn't be excited about that
Jacob: or now u wouldnt be either
me: ?
8:12 AM Jacob: wouldnt want to be in pa now either
me: People change
Jacob: u would now
8:13 AM me: I think I am more open to compromise
Compromise is different than settling. I didn't want to settle.
8:14 AM Jacob: oh ok, it doesnt mean I am staying here forever
what the f*ck!!! seriously...what did he mean "it doesnt mean I am staying here forever" does that mean he would leave PA
that would have changed EVERYthing for us then (as in back then)
and WHY would he be telling me that?!
I was officially freaking out!
8:15 AM me: I see...so you would consider not being in PA?
Jacob: yeah
OMG seriously...I was stunned and rethinking a lot of things but all I could muster out was...
me: Interesting
8:16 AM Jacob: u entered txt
8:17 AM i have to get ready to go to trainer
me: ?
I entered txt?
Okay I'm about to head to work
Jacob: looked like u typed something
ttyl
me: K
I was completely unnerved.
This conversation seemed to come out of no where.
I had no idea it was going...I couldn't have guessed it would go the way it did.
To be continued...
I had returned from the weekend at the Lake House with the girls.
Val had caught me messaging Jacob on the 31st and ratted me out to the girls (deservingly so).
They confronted me and we had a talk that it was best that I stopped talking to him.
But I just couldn't force myself.
Bright bright super early Monday morning.
7:57 AM Jacob: hi
me: Hi
Jacob: how r u
me: Are you at work already?
7:58 AM Jacob: no at home \
working out in an hr
me: Oh that is good
Jacob: i saw X and Y are engaged on fb
me: Yucky
This couple is awful and basically caused a lot of pain and drama to way too many people and the thought of them getting together made me throw up in my mouth. Also, I knew I would have to tell one of my friends about it and it is terrible news to have to tell someone. I was now mad also because it seemed like everyone on this planet had found their "someone"...except me.
7:59 AM Jacob: how was yr weekend
me: Really good :) we had so much fun and the place was beautiful
8:00 AM How was yours?
Jacob: good
did yr parents get yr stuff back from Spencer's state
me: Yes
8:01 AM Jacob: how did it go
me: I think they get back today
Jacob: oh ok
me: Not without drama but at least it is done
Jacob: how so?
8:02 AM me: He wasn't there and his dad was
How did I get to the point where I was talking to HIM about THIS stuff
Jacob: oh ok, he didnt want to confront yr parents
me: Guess not
8:03 AM Jacob: why didnt yr parents say yes when he asked in the beginning
me: Didn't we already talk about it?
why did he want to know all this information????
8:04 AM Jacob: not sure why they said no
just the short time?
me: Few different things that was one of them...guess I shoukd have listened to them$
8:05 AM Jacob: what were others
me: Guess it doesn't matter now ...they hadn't met him yet etc
Jacob: oh ok
8:06 AM i see u never made to yr other computer lol he must REALLY want a copy of that picture...
me: Haha not yet
You will know when I do
8:08 AM Jacob: u think yr parents would have said yes to us
My heart practically stopped. This was WAY too early to be having this conversation.
Did he really just ask that?
8:09 AM me: At the time I think so they did a lot of stuff with us and your family
I'm guessing your parents would not have been too thrilled at the idea
8:10 AM Jacob: why do u say that, they would have supported anything I wanted no one had anything against u
I confess I am one of those people that is convinced that people don't like me that much from a boy's parents, to bosses I'm always convinced that I'm not good enough ...definitely need to work on that for new year and always
me: At the time I didn't want to be in PA
8:11 AM Jacob: I know
me: So they wouldn't be excited about that
Jacob: or now u wouldnt be either
me: ?
8:12 AM Jacob: wouldnt want to be in pa now either
me: People change
Jacob: u would now
8:13 AM me: I think I am more open to compromise
Compromise is different than settling. I didn't want to settle.
8:14 AM Jacob: oh ok, it doesnt mean I am staying here forever
what the f*ck!!! seriously...what did he mean "it doesnt mean I am staying here forever" does that mean he would leave PA
that would have changed EVERYthing for us then (as in back then)
and WHY would he be telling me that?!
I was officially freaking out!
8:15 AM me: I see...so you would consider not being in PA?
Jacob: yeah
OMG seriously...I was stunned and rethinking a lot of things but all I could muster out was...
me: Interesting
8:16 AM Jacob: u entered txt
8:17 AM i have to get ready to go to trainer
me: ?
I entered txt?
Okay I'm about to head to work
Jacob: looked like u typed something
ttyl
me: K
I was completely unnerved.
This conversation seemed to come out of no where.
I had no idea it was going...I couldn't have guessed it would go the way it did.
To be continued...
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Chapter X-29: Between Christmas and New Years 3 days of flirting with disaster
~The 28th~
1:47 PM me: Hope you had a great Christmas
Jacob: hey
me: Hi
1:49 PM Jacob: how was yr holiday
me: Okay how was yours?
1:50 PM Jacob: good
1:51 PM me: :)
1:53 PM Jacob: what is the smiley face for
me: I'm glad you had a good christmas
1:54 PM Jacob: oh ok :)
1:56 PM me: So how did the video go?
Jacob: i have one more u[
up
have another to do
1:57 PM its on youtube but not my site yet
me: Oh okay
1:58 PM Jacob: not on yr other computer yet haha
me: No haven't yet haha sorry ;)
As soon as I can I will
Promise
2:01 PM Jacob: k
2:02 PM me: Any fun new years plans?
2:03 PM Jacob: missed yr last message
2:04 PM me: Just chatting :) I said any fun new years plans?
2:05 PM Jacob: going to sally's
(as in Sally and Marc...a couple we used to hang out with quite a bit) me: Fun!
2:08 PM Jacob: you
2:09 PM me: We rented a lake house (all the girls and their boys) 2:10 PM Jacob: cool
me: Yea I'm excited
2:14 PM Jacob: thats good
2:15 PM me: Yea good to be around my best friends
Jacob: yep
2:18 PM me: Is it super fun having a little one to be around for Christmas?
I'm referring to his niece whom I was a labor coach for her mom (his sister) while she gave birth
2:21 PM Jacob: yep almost 3
me: How fun! I think that makes Christmas so much more fun :)
2:26 PM Jacob: yeah it does
7 minutes
2:33 PM me: I am happy for you
9 minutes
2:42 PM Jacob: thanks
~The 29th~
6:22 PM me: Hi
22 minutes
6:45 PM Jacob: hi
me: Hi
6:47 PM Jacob: hi :)
6:48 PM me: :)
Hi
Jacob: HI :)
6:49 PM me: Haha you're silly
Jacob: whats up as u would say
6:50 PM me: Nothing just packing for new years ...looking for my boarding pants
6:51 PM Jacob: oh ok
me: What's up with you?
6:52 PM Jacob: not much at work
me: Everyone is on vacation!
The way christmas and new years falls
6:53 PM What was your fav gift you got for Christmas
6:54 PM Jacob: snowboard
6:55 PM me: Nice :)
I didn't know you did that
6:58 PM Jacob: i started last yr, ski bf that
6:59 PM me: That's what I thought I've always been into boarding (I hate ski poles haha)
7:01 PM Jacob: u dont like anything cold
(which might be kind of true in a way)
8:35 AM me: I like outside sports
11 minutes
8:46 AM Jacob: not cold stuff
lol
7 minutes
8:53 AM me: I snowboard
8:54 AM And tube
And snowmobile
And snowshow
Shoe
As long as I have good clothes I'm good
8 minutes
9:02 AM me: :)
8 minutes
9:11 AM Jacob: haha
9:17 AM me: I know right? I just need my canada goose parka and I'm good
23 minutes
9:40 AM Jacob: haha
31 minutes
10:12 AM Jacob: zuzu
46 minutes
10:58 AM me: Hi
11:00 AM zuzu
11:03 AM Jacob: im here
me: Hi:)
11:04 AM Jacob: hi
uh-oh warning you here comes my akward flirting
11:05 AM me: Excited for new years
11:10 AM Jacob: me too
me: Big kissing time ;)
11:11 AM Jacob: who are u kissing
lol
11:15 AM me: I'm weighing my option ;)
S
my attept to be coy and flirty
Jacob: ?
u have any
what is he saying...I wouldn't have any options??? or is he curious about these options
45 minutes
12:01 PM Jacob: no response? lol
8 minutes
12:10 PM me: Many choices haha what about you?
12:16 PM Jacob: like who
u know mine
Hmmmm he actually wanted to know...lets see besides my girlfriends (and we don't roll like that) I had NO ONE and that realization blowed! And I wasn't exactly sure about his for sure...is he actually engaged etc?!
12:22 PM me: My friends :)
12:24 PM Jacob: who do u want
if u can have anyone
Really?! Did he really just ask that question.
Honestly I want someone to kiss me at New Years who won't abandon me...someone who will love me forever
sigh....
43 minutes
1:08 PM Jacob: no response lol
Guess I coudn't think of a response
1:47 PM me: Hope you had a great Christmas
Jacob: hey
me: Hi
1:49 PM Jacob: how was yr holiday
me: Okay how was yours?
1:50 PM Jacob: good
1:51 PM me: :)
1:53 PM Jacob: what is the smiley face for
me: I'm glad you had a good christmas
1:54 PM Jacob: oh ok :)
1:56 PM me: So how did the video go?
Jacob: i have one more u[
up
have another to do
1:57 PM its on youtube but not my site yet
me: Oh okay
1:58 PM Jacob: not on yr other computer yet haha
me: No haven't yet haha sorry ;)
As soon as I can I will
Promise
2:01 PM Jacob: k
2:02 PM me: Any fun new years plans?
2:03 PM Jacob: missed yr last message
2:04 PM me: Just chatting :) I said any fun new years plans?
2:05 PM Jacob: going to sally's
(as in Sally and Marc...a couple we used to hang out with quite a bit) me: Fun!
2:08 PM Jacob: you
2:09 PM me: We rented a lake house (all the girls and their boys) 2:10 PM Jacob: cool
me: Yea I'm excited
2:14 PM Jacob: thats good
2:15 PM me: Yea good to be around my best friends
Jacob: yep
2:18 PM me: Is it super fun having a little one to be around for Christmas?
I'm referring to his niece whom I was a labor coach for her mom (his sister) while she gave birth
2:21 PM Jacob: yep almost 3
me: How fun! I think that makes Christmas so much more fun :)
2:26 PM Jacob: yeah it does
7 minutes
2:33 PM me: I am happy for you
9 minutes
2:42 PM Jacob: thanks
~The 29th~
6:22 PM me: Hi
22 minutes
6:45 PM Jacob: hi
me: Hi
6:47 PM Jacob: hi :)
6:48 PM me: :)
Hi
Jacob: HI :)
6:49 PM me: Haha you're silly
Jacob: whats up as u would say
6:50 PM me: Nothing just packing for new years ...looking for my boarding pants
6:51 PM Jacob: oh ok
me: What's up with you?
6:52 PM Jacob: not much at work
me: Everyone is on vacation!
The way christmas and new years falls
6:53 PM What was your fav gift you got for Christmas
6:54 PM Jacob: snowboard
6:55 PM me: Nice :)
I didn't know you did that
6:58 PM Jacob: i started last yr, ski bf that
6:59 PM me: That's what I thought I've always been into boarding (I hate ski poles haha)
7:01 PM Jacob: u dont like anything cold
(which might be kind of true in a way)
8:35 AM me: I like outside sports
11 minutes
8:46 AM Jacob: not cold stuff
lol
7 minutes
8:53 AM me: I snowboard
8:54 AM And tube
And snowmobile
And snowshow
Shoe
As long as I have good clothes I'm good
8 minutes
9:02 AM me: :)
8 minutes
9:11 AM Jacob: haha
9:17 AM me: I know right? I just need my canada goose parka and I'm good
23 minutes
9:40 AM Jacob: haha
31 minutes
10:12 AM Jacob: zuzu
46 minutes
10:58 AM me: Hi
11:00 AM zuzu
11:03 AM Jacob: im here
me: Hi:)
11:04 AM Jacob: hi
uh-oh warning you here comes my akward flirting
11:05 AM me: Excited for new years
11:10 AM Jacob: me too
me: Big kissing time ;)
11:11 AM Jacob: who are u kissing
lol
11:15 AM me: I'm weighing my option ;)
S
my attept to be coy and flirty
Jacob: ?
u have any
what is he saying...I wouldn't have any options??? or is he curious about these options
45 minutes
12:01 PM Jacob: no response? lol
8 minutes
12:10 PM me: Many choices haha what about you?
12:16 PM Jacob: like who
u know mine
Hmmmm he actually wanted to know...lets see besides my girlfriends (and we don't roll like that) I had NO ONE and that realization blowed! And I wasn't exactly sure about his for sure...is he actually engaged etc?!
12:22 PM me: My friends :)
12:24 PM Jacob: who do u want
if u can have anyone
Really?! Did he really just ask that question.
Honestly I want someone to kiss me at New Years who won't abandon me...someone who will love me forever
sigh....
43 minutes
1:08 PM Jacob: no response lol
Guess I coudn't think of a response
Friday, January 14, 2011
Chapter X-28: Twas the day before Christmas and I'm talking to an Ex
Our random conversation continued the day before Christmas.
Probably one of our least exciting conversations, just an FYI...
3:15 PM me: Hi
3:16 PM Jacob: hey
me: Did you get lots of presents from clients? :)
3:17 PM Jacob: a few cookies and chocolate not too much, boss gave me 200
3:18 PM me: That is nice
I got only a few thing bc I'm temping at my dads place to make some extra cash
3:19 PM Saving up to move :)
Jacob: to where
me: Not sure yet...its a big world :)
And there are a few countries I haven't lived in yet haha
3:22 PM Jacob: haha
3:23 PM me: Maybe I should just settle down in north america haha
Jacob: yep
3:25 PM me: Haha yea right
3:27 PM It is so fun to learn and travel but I guess I feel most "at home" on this side of the planet
Jacob: yep
3:28 PM me: But there is something to be said about travelling...I love it!
I bet you would have been addicted if you had gone to new zealand that semester
when we were in graduate school together he almost spent a semester abroad but it fell through...other than like Caribbean he isn't a big traveller
Jacob: maybe
3:29 PM theres no point in traveling unless u have someone else to share those experiences w in my opinion
me: Ouch
That really stung...I felt like he was like bashing me
Jacob: i mean for me personally
3:30 PM me: Kinda harsh
Jacob: i wouldnt want to go somewhere and have a life experience unless it was w a significant other
but Im sure its fun
i would feel lonely going alone
me: Wow way to make me seem like my experiences were shallow
3:31 PM Jacob: u had friends throughtout the way
me: But not "significant others"
Jacob: thats still good i would go places w friends if i was single
3:32 PM me: Ok
I was still kind of miffed about it...did he know that secretly I was dreaming to travel the world with my soul mate (not sure who that actually is at this point)
It is much better to travel with someone you love than alone BUT
at the same time I'm not going to wait for someone before I travel either.
Now I was kind of peeved.
5 minutes
3:37 PM me: Well I guess I will just get used to travelling alone but of course everyone would like to share those experiences with someone special
there was a huge time lapse then I thought maybe he was mad at me...
5:43 PM me: You mad?
5:44 PM Jacob: no i was busy, im at work
im about to make two more vidoes for my website
me: Oh yea...sorry just thought that
Cool
Do you use flipvid?
Jacob: do u ever see my new one
me: No
Jacob: my video cam is vadoHD
5:45 PM me: I like flipvids :)
But I like simple
Jacob: www.hiswebsite.com, its still under construction and Im changing the main top pic
me: Cool
5:46 PM Jacob: are u online or on phone
me: Phone but can check online I'm at home
5:49 PM Jacob: i have a new top pic that is great
but not up yet
5:50 PM me: I want to see email it :)
5:51 PM Jacob: u have a pic im waiting on lol, it will be up tonight. its a background pic not of me
me: Ohhhhh what is it?
5:54 PM Jacob: it replaces the top banner on the page
me: What is it?
Like letters, scenery etc
5:55 PM How is your online stuff
5:57 PM Jacob: not bad, i get a check from one company like 500 a month for nothing really
5:58 PM me: That is great! See you are doing really well :)
Is that through like affiliate marketing? Or how does that work
Jacob: it helps supplement my income
5:59 PM yeah
6:01 PM me: Interesting at least you have your dad to help you
:)
6:02 PM Jacob: yep
me: That is really good...I don't think I could make a website to save my life
6:03 PM I wish I could
Jacob: i do our work one too im good at the webstuff now and w optimization on search engines
6:04 PM me: Awesome I might need your help haha
Is it hard?
I want a website I just have no idea how to get started
10 minutes
6:15 PM Jacob: not really, I had someone help me with the fram work then handed over for the content
me: It looks hard
6:16 PM But you are technically savvy
13 minutes
6:29 PM Jacob: im working on a video
6:30 PM me: Cool see you are technologically savvy
5 minutes
6:35 PM Jacob: haha
me: I bet
:)
6:37 PM Jacob: im leaving
6:38 PM me: Ok have a great night :)
Jacob: u too
I left this conversation feeling kind of uneasy.
At this point I hadn't heard at all from Spencer.
It was the day before Christmas and I felt ...off and alone.
I wondered how his Christmas would be.
I wonder how my Christmas would be.
Mostly I thought of how last year at Christmas I never would have thought I would spend a Christmas without Spencer again.
I could not have been more wrong.
Probably one of our least exciting conversations, just an FYI...
3:15 PM me: Hi
3:16 PM Jacob: hey
me: Did you get lots of presents from clients? :)
3:17 PM Jacob: a few cookies and chocolate not too much, boss gave me 200
3:18 PM me: That is nice
I got only a few thing bc I'm temping at my dads place to make some extra cash
3:19 PM Saving up to move :)
Jacob: to where
me: Not sure yet...its a big world :)
And there are a few countries I haven't lived in yet haha
3:22 PM Jacob: haha
3:23 PM me: Maybe I should just settle down in north america haha
Jacob: yep
3:25 PM me: Haha yea right
3:27 PM It is so fun to learn and travel but I guess I feel most "at home" on this side of the planet
Jacob: yep
3:28 PM me: But there is something to be said about travelling...I love it!
I bet you would have been addicted if you had gone to new zealand that semester
when we were in graduate school together he almost spent a semester abroad but it fell through...other than like Caribbean he isn't a big traveller
Jacob: maybe
3:29 PM theres no point in traveling unless u have someone else to share those experiences w in my opinion
me: Ouch
That really stung...I felt like he was like bashing me
Jacob: i mean for me personally
3:30 PM me: Kinda harsh
Jacob: i wouldnt want to go somewhere and have a life experience unless it was w a significant other
but Im sure its fun
i would feel lonely going alone
me: Wow way to make me seem like my experiences were shallow
3:31 PM Jacob: u had friends throughtout the way
me: But not "significant others"
Jacob: thats still good i would go places w friends if i was single
3:32 PM me: Ok
I was still kind of miffed about it...did he know that secretly I was dreaming to travel the world with my soul mate (not sure who that actually is at this point)
It is much better to travel with someone you love than alone BUT
at the same time I'm not going to wait for someone before I travel either.
Now I was kind of peeved.
5 minutes
3:37 PM me: Well I guess I will just get used to travelling alone but of course everyone would like to share those experiences with someone special
there was a huge time lapse then I thought maybe he was mad at me...
5:43 PM me: You mad?
5:44 PM Jacob: no i was busy, im at work
im about to make two more vidoes for my website
me: Oh yea...sorry just thought that
Cool
Do you use flipvid?
Jacob: do u ever see my new one
me: No
Jacob: my video cam is vadoHD
5:45 PM me: I like flipvids :)
But I like simple
Jacob: www.hiswebsite.com, its still under construction and Im changing the main top pic
me: Cool
5:46 PM Jacob: are u online or on phone
me: Phone but can check online I'm at home
5:49 PM Jacob: i have a new top pic that is great
but not up yet
5:50 PM me: I want to see email it :)
5:51 PM Jacob: u have a pic im waiting on lol, it will be up tonight. its a background pic not of me
me: Ohhhhh what is it?
5:54 PM Jacob: it replaces the top banner on the page
me: What is it?
Like letters, scenery etc
5:55 PM How is your online stuff
5:57 PM Jacob: not bad, i get a check from one company like 500 a month for nothing really
5:58 PM me: That is great! See you are doing really well :)
Is that through like affiliate marketing? Or how does that work
Jacob: it helps supplement my income
5:59 PM yeah
6:01 PM me: Interesting at least you have your dad to help you
:)
6:02 PM Jacob: yep
me: That is really good...I don't think I could make a website to save my life
6:03 PM I wish I could
Jacob: i do our work one too im good at the webstuff now and w optimization on search engines
6:04 PM me: Awesome I might need your help haha
Is it hard?
I want a website I just have no idea how to get started
10 minutes
6:15 PM Jacob: not really, I had someone help me with the fram work then handed over for the content
me: It looks hard
6:16 PM But you are technically savvy
13 minutes
6:29 PM Jacob: im working on a video
6:30 PM me: Cool see you are technologically savvy
5 minutes
6:35 PM Jacob: haha
me: I bet
:)
6:37 PM Jacob: im leaving
6:38 PM me: Ok have a great night :)
Jacob: u too
I left this conversation feeling kind of uneasy.
At this point I hadn't heard at all from Spencer.
It was the day before Christmas and I felt ...off and alone.
I wondered how his Christmas would be.
I wonder how my Christmas would be.
Mostly I thought of how last year at Christmas I never would have thought I would spend a Christmas without Spencer again.
I could not have been more wrong.
0 sleeps
So I'm a self confessed "counter-downer" I count down to EVERYthing.
I've been like that forever.
Since I was really little (like 7) and counted down on a calender when my parents took their first week long vacation without me and my brother (I know how dare they haha).
Then in high school with cheerleading competitions.
Then University with birthday parties etc.
Now mainly trips and other big events(like my wedding) like Eva's wedding in 4 months.
It is officially 0 sleeps until Taylor gets here...she gets here today.
It feels surreal, I don't actually feel like she is coming here.
I am happy.
It does make me sad if I overanalyze it because this trip was booked because Iwas am was in such a deep dark hole in my life.
I know she is coming here to help get me back to the Teagan I used to be.
If I dwell on that too much I think I might cry.
So I'm trying to focus on it being just one of our "ruining a city" trips.
And it will be great...I have so much fun stuff planned.
Maybe if I have enough stuff planned we can spend 0 time talking/focusing on Spencer.
I think I've already spent too much wasted time on that.
So last night I couldn't sleep at all.
I think it MUST be my excitement for Taylor to get here.
But then I start to think.
I've been doing so good lately.
Then I was perturbed by a conversation with Ex-Jacob (these posts are coming soon).
Then I started to think about Ex-Spencer.
It has been almost 3 weeks since talking to him.
Glad I'm waiting on an update about the lawyer/divorce situation etc.
I've totally given up hope of ever having a conversation of just exactly what happened to us.
Here is the short version:
Yes he ended our marriage via a 8 minute phone call from another country. Seriously.
He doesn't think it would be actually important to meet face to face to end this relationship.
But first he just stopped talking to me for 3 weeks because he was contemplating re-enlisting (used to be in the military) and some of his friends passed away (who were currently serving in the military...3 within a week) and his job wasn't going as planned ~civilian job (we made the decision for him to take a pay cut to move us both from Asia back to North America) and he was frustrated at our situation (long-distance due to immigration issues) and I do recognize he was frustrated at me (I wanted him to put more effort in the long-distance relationship).
I thought I should respect his space he requested to sort things out.
I felt the stress and strain in his voice.
I thought it was more of life (I mean I know our situation didn't help but I thought he was dealing with all these other things).
I had NO idea he would come to the conclusion that he wanted out of our engagement/marriage.
I never thought anything could break the vows we made to each other.
Surely this was just the "worse" of for "better or worse".
I'm still stunned.
I likely will never get any closure.
I think this will make more sense when I fully explain things via ExBoyfriend Project when it comes to Spencer. (For example the reason I keep referring to it as an engagment/marriage is because most people thought we were engaged but we actually got married in a small civil way overseas to enable things to work better for employment/immigration/insurance issues. However we were planning the big traditional wedding for September 2011 for our families and friends and us to say our vows. We kept it a secret more because I didn't want judgment and I wanted to enjoy all the traditions for a wedding and I thought my parents would freak out and besides we were going to be together forever right?).
Anywho I sat awake last night staring at the ceiling going over and over our relationship.
What the hell had happened?!
And just like that all the progress that I thought I made...disappeared.
As the tears rolled down my face.
This is what I'm destined for I thought.
Alone in bed, in a cold room, staring at the ceiling, crying.
Great. (I am desperately in need of a sarcasm font).
Taylor would so NOT be impressed right now.
Not after she is busting her butt to get here (hello international travel (3+ hours of flying) is not what everyone does for a weekend!)
So I dried my tears and started planning things to wear for this weekend.
I know call me trivial and materialistic.
I'm just tired of crying (and I barely have cried at all in 2011).
And I was exausted but couldn't sleep.
I couldn't just lay there crying and going over and over this failed relationship/engagement/marriage.
I have to force myself to focus on my friends and all the fun we will have this weekend.
Don't think about him.
Don't think about him.
Don't think about what I could have done different.
Don't wonder what he is doing right now.
Don't wonder what his family thinks.
Don't wonder if I will always be alone.
Think about my girlfriends (they are awesome).
God they have their lives so "together".
How long can I be this flakely fall apart sad girlfriend before they are "over it".
Okay I can't think like that because then I would really be in a dark hole.
Okay...let's see.
Taylor will surely put a smile on my face.
All the stuff I planned I think she will love and I will also love doing.
So much of this planned stuff will be my first experience too.
I usually go over the top when my significant other visits but it's about time I started to do that with the people that are good to me and stick by my side...like Taylor.
We will be spoiled this weekend with my activities and plans.
Some of these activities will give me confidence and being around Taylor does to.
Geez I really need to get back to my old "self".
Thank goodness Taylor is coming today.
Here's a little Brooke Davis (from Season 2 Episode 22) wisdom that really applies today...
I've been like that forever.
Since I was really little (like 7) and counted down on a calender when my parents took their first week long vacation without me and my brother (I know how dare they haha).
Then in high school with cheerleading competitions.
Then University with birthday parties etc.
Now mainly trips and other big events
It is officially 0 sleeps until Taylor gets here...she gets here today.
It feels surreal, I don't actually feel like she is coming here.
I am happy.
It does make me sad if I overanalyze it because this trip was booked because I
I know she is coming here to help get me back to the Teagan I used to be.
If I dwell on that too much I think I might cry.
So I'm trying to focus on it being just one of our "ruining a city" trips.
And it will be great...I have so much fun stuff planned.
Maybe if I have enough stuff planned we can spend 0 time talking/focusing on Spencer.
I think I've already spent too much wasted time on that.
So last night I couldn't sleep at all.
I think it MUST be my excitement for Taylor to get here.
But then I start to think.
I've been doing so good lately.
Then I was perturbed by a conversation with Ex-Jacob (these posts are coming soon).
Then I started to think about Ex-Spencer.
It has been almost 3 weeks since talking to him.
Glad I'm waiting on an update about the lawyer/divorce situation etc.
I've totally given up hope of ever having a conversation of just exactly what happened to us.
Here is the short version:
Yes he ended our marriage via a 8 minute phone call from another country. Seriously.
He doesn't think it would be actually important to meet face to face to end this relationship.
But first he just stopped talking to me for 3 weeks because he was contemplating re-enlisting (used to be in the military) and some of his friends passed away (who were currently serving in the military...3 within a week) and his job wasn't going as planned ~civilian job (we made the decision for him to take a pay cut to move us both from Asia back to North America) and he was frustrated at our situation (long-distance due to immigration issues) and I do recognize he was frustrated at me (I wanted him to put more effort in the long-distance relationship).
I thought I should respect his space he requested to sort things out.
I felt the stress and strain in his voice.
I thought it was more of life (I mean I know our situation didn't help but I thought he was dealing with all these other things).
I had NO idea he would come to the conclusion that he wanted out of our engagement/marriage.
I never thought anything could break the vows we made to each other.
Surely this was just the "worse" of for "better or worse".
I'm still stunned.
I likely will never get any closure.
I think this will make more sense when I fully explain things via ExBoyfriend Project when it comes to Spencer. (For example the reason I keep referring to it as an engagment/marriage is because most people thought we were engaged but we actually got married in a small civil way overseas to enable things to work better for employment/immigration/insurance issues. However we were planning the big traditional wedding for September 2011 for our families and friends and us to say our vows. We kept it a secret more because I didn't want judgment and I wanted to enjoy all the traditions for a wedding and I thought my parents would freak out and besides we were going to be together forever right?).
Anywho I sat awake last night staring at the ceiling going over and over our relationship.
What the hell had happened?!
And just like that all the progress that I thought I made...disappeared.
As the tears rolled down my face.
This is what I'm destined for I thought.
Alone in bed, in a cold room, staring at the ceiling, crying.
Great. (I am desperately in need of a sarcasm font).
Taylor would so NOT be impressed right now.
Not after she is busting her butt to get here (hello international travel (3+ hours of flying) is not what everyone does for a weekend!)
So I dried my tears and started planning things to wear for this weekend.
I know call me trivial and materialistic.
I'm just tired of crying (and I barely have cried at all in 2011).
And I was exausted but couldn't sleep.
I couldn't just lay there crying and going over and over this failed relationship/engagement/marriage.
I have to force myself to focus on my friends and all the fun we will have this weekend.
Don't think about him.
Don't think about him.
Don't think about what I could have done different.
Don't wonder what he is doing right now.
Don't wonder what his family thinks.
Don't wonder if I will always be alone.
Think about my girlfriends (they are awesome).
God they have their lives so "together".
How long can I be this flakely fall apart sad girlfriend before they are "over it".
Okay I can't think like that because then I would really be in a dark hole.
Okay...let's see.
Taylor will surely put a smile on my face.
All the stuff I planned I think she will love and I will also love doing.
So much of this planned stuff will be my first experience too.
I usually go over the top when my significant other visits but it's about time I started to do that with the people that are good to me and stick by my side...like Taylor.
We will be spoiled this weekend with my activities and plans.
Some of these activities will give me confidence and being around Taylor does to.
Geez I really need to get back to my old "self".
Thank goodness Taylor is coming today.
 |
| This is not us but just like us all at once. A blond and a brunette. Besties. That have been through triumphs, love, heart ache, betrayal, tears, and laughter. I really need this weekend more than anything. |
Here's a little Brooke Davis (from Season 2 Episode 22) wisdom that really applies today...
"And once you lose yourself, you have two choices:
Find the person you used to be or lose that person completely."
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Bullseye
I just about fell over this morning when I heard on Breakfast Television (our equivalent to like the Today Show in the mornings) that Target had bought Zellers.
From an official Canadian website
"As part of the transaction, Zellers Inc. will sublease the properties back from Target Corporation upon closing and continue to operate them as Zellers stores for a period of time. Target Corporation expects to open 100 to 150 Target stores throughout Canada in 2013 and 2014. Additionally, it is anticipated that a select number of Zellers locations will be assigned to other retail enterprises. Zellers Inc. will continue to operate a portfolio of certain Zellers stores in specific communities across the country".
This is one of my fav fav FAV go to stores for basics (things like camisoles, tanks, socks, pantyhose, basic cardigans, etc.)
I love their work out gear and I seem to always find cute shoes there.
I love their bathing suits, purses, home decor, their linens, I love how they have designers come and do a line (like Jean Paul Gautier, Anna Sui, the late Alexander McQueen, Zac Posen)
 |
| Anna Sui's line |
 |
| Zac Posen |
I used to love going there I could spend so much money there even if I only "needed" paper towels.
So much of my furniture (that I had to leave in the US when I moved back) was from the Simply Shabby Chic Line which is girly and white and perfect. I would love to rebuy that again...see there I go again falling 100% in love with something enough to buy it twice!
This is great great wonderful news! It makes the transition of living in Canada again better (I know I know it is frivolous and materialistic).
When I lived in Asia I missed going to Target...knowing you could go to one place and get just such a vast array of things (from vaccum cleaners to vodka)!
I want to shreak with excitement.
Taylor is TOTALLY with me on the Target vs. Walmart debate.
We both can't stand Walmart and we both love Target.
It is a completely different experience between the two.
We even have the same black perfect cocktail dress that is timeless and I've worn to so many events!
 |
| Target dog! |
 |
| I cannot wait to be walking down these aisles again! |
xoxo
Teagan
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