Things I should not do

Pic from here

So after I missed a call from him last night at 11:30pm (maybe on purpose).
Today I woke up and decided to email MrAttorney.
SO I quickly wrote out something along the lines of ' hey if you're texting or calling me out of pity/remorse/guilt please don't'.
And in my flurry of trying to get it out and hit send quickly I sent it... to his work email.
Oops.

I had to then text him to apologize (so he could delete it if he wanted).
His response was basically "I am NOT doing anything out of pity, remorse or guilt.  I like hanging out with you and I always have an awesome time with you.  This is probably a conversation best done in person.  Anyways how is your morning going?"
Lol I mean really???

And just like that of course we end up emailing back and forth all day on a variety of random topics like we usually do.
All the things that I probably shouldn't do.
It stinks and I should follow all of your advice so why is that do darn hard?
I know I need to follow the advice given to me after yesterdays post...
Y'all I suck!

Not your concern

Pic from here

How I return to writing in my blog.
When I'm having a rough patch.
And feel lost.
And sad.

And just hoping that writing it down gets it out of my head a little.
How do I even explain all that has happened.
It would be impossible (darn I knew I should have kept up blogging).
So let's see.

Its been 4.5 months of a (non) relationship with MrAttorney.
And he's not ready.
And after 2 weeks of hashing it out in conversations.
I'm reluctantly pulling the plug.

After a Sunday of a dinner and conversations.
Of snippets of him saying...
"I'm probably making a huge mistake"
"You are the one person I have felt the most connection with ever"
"When I met you I wasn't looking for a relationship"
"I'm not sure I can give you enough"

Only I thought he already was giving me enough (minus the title).
I was so content with our adventures.
I was so content with the amount of time we spent together.
And y'all when we spend time together it flies.
And we were spending a lot of time together.
And we both can't get enough.
And we stretch it out to the very last minute.

Today the 30 or so back and forth emails first revolved around going to the CNE.
It is essentially like the Texas State Fair only in Toronto.
I've never been and neither has he.

And though we have essentially broken up a few times.
He still wanted to go with me.
And I (though I know I SHOULD NOT) want to go with him.
Only he goes and says "Well I'd love to go with you.  I know we'd have a good time.  Do you want to go?"
I told him I would think about it.

And before I knew it we were out for an afternoon coffee 
(our work buildings are super close).
Then I got flustered because its just round and round and he asked if he could hug me when we got up to go.
So I said "this is kind of awkward" as I gave him an awkward hug.
And I was clearly upset.

To come back up to my office to find an email from him...
"I hope you're not angry with me.  I wasn't trying to get you upset".
My response "Don't worry about me I"m good"
He wrote, "Please stop saying that.  I do worry about you.  Can't help it".

My response... "Thank you but I'm really not your concern".
F.

thought

I want to be with someone who thinks I hung the moon...