|Pic from here|
When I'm having a rough patch.
And feel lost.
And just hoping that writing it down gets it out of my head a little.
How do I even explain all that has happened.
It would be impossible (darn I knew I should have kept up blogging).
So let's see.
Its been 4.5 months of a (non) relationship with MrAttorney.
And he's not ready.
And after 2 weeks of hashing it out in conversations.
I'm reluctantly pulling the plug.
After a Sunday of a dinner and conversations.
Of snippets of him saying...
"I'm probably making a huge mistake"
"You are the one person I have felt the most connection with ever"
"When I met you I wasn't looking for a relationship"
"I'm not sure I can give you enough"
Only I thought he already was giving me enough (minus the title).
I was so content with our adventures.
I was so content with the amount of time we spent together.
And y'all when we spend time together it flies.
And we were spending a lot of time together.
And we both can't get enough.
And we stretch it out to the very last minute.
Today the 30 or so back and forth emails first revolved around going to the CNE.
It is essentially like the Texas State Fair only in Toronto.
I've never been and neither has he.
And though we have essentially broken up a few times.
He still wanted to go with me.
And I (though I know I SHOULD NOT) want to go with him.
Only he goes and says "Well I'd love to go with you. I know we'd have a good time. Do you want to go?"
I told him I would think about it.
And before I knew it we were out for an afternoon coffee
(our work buildings are super close).
Then I got flustered because its just round and round and he asked if he could hug me when we got up to go.
So I said "this is kind of awkward" as I gave him an awkward hug.
And I was clearly upset.
To come back up to my office to find an email from him...
"I hope you're not angry with me. I wasn't trying to get you upset".
My response "Don't worry about me I"m good"
He wrote, "Please stop saying that. I do worry about you. Can't help it".
My response... "Thank you but I'm really not your concern".