Baby Shower Sunday

Happy Sunday!
So I was in my hometown for my cousin's baby's Baptism.
This morning started off a little rocky.

I didn't know what time it started at.
I had assumed that it would be around 1:30 because Sunday Mass is usually around 12 so I figured it would be after mass.
So my mum called my brother and I at 12:23 to let us know the Baptism began at 12:30.
Awesome.

So instead I had more time to take outfit pics in the giant mirror at my parents place.
(Which is part of the Great Mirror Story that I need to tell).
Like this.

And this one. (I had the cardigan to be conservative in Church ...that I ended up missing.

I apologize about scary blurry face but you know...internet "privacy" and all that.
Did you notice I got more bangs...felt like a change was needed.
Here is a closeup to better see the bangs and my fun necklace.

So I was a little perturbed that we didn't go to the Church part.
Especially because I drove the two and a half hours home yesterday to attend.
So instead we met everyone at the restaurant for the lunch afterwards.

The restaurant looks outdoors but is actually indoors.

And as in tradition with my big European family.
There was a lot of people, tons of food and an open bar.
And because there are not a lot of places in my hometown to run events such as this...
Does this look familiar?
I attended a Bridal Shower here (read here).

Which I will pretend being there didn't send me into a brief contemplation of timing and circumstances...and just life.
I tried to push the emerald eyed girl down and keep her from resurfacing but I couldn't help but think about how things could be different.
That if things had worked out differently this could have very easily been my bridal shower.
The questions my family asked would be about if we were all ready for the upcoming wedding and honeymoon...but it wasn't.

Instead it is just this...and I busied myself trying to think of other things like how I really liked the blue hydrangea centre pieces.
The linens were chocolate brown and blue.
It was the same linen (square picqued I think it's called) as my engagement party linens (they were the new style of last year from the 2 different linen companies in my hometown).
I was trying to force myself think of something...anything different.

But you know what?  It was okay.
I survived...through the games of "how can I one up you" etc. that I mentioned yesterday (see here).
Here is the little man of the hour.

After surviving the afternoon.
I left and headed back to the Tdot.
But not without my baby shower favour.
Cute right?

It did make it back to the Tdot though not in it's correct upright position.

I very much dislike the long drive...too much thinking time.
Thinking of how I need to get ready for the week ahead.

When I got in I bumped into Eva and her husband on the way out on a date night.
And despite being able to keep the Emerald Eyed Girl from coming out for such a very long time.  I currently am feeling very very Emerald Eyed.

It's a Saturday night and the Emerald Eyed Girl is back.

The updates are going to keep coming I promise.
I even have some pics too.
But I wanted a real time post because I have some feelings to get out there and let go.

Yesterday Jane and her husband arrived from Kingston in time for dinner.
Eva made pizzas and other fun delishious stuff.
We had a good night of drinks and flatbread pizzas and packing for them.

Not sure if I told you but they are going on a combined honeymoon.
They started to plan this just over a year ago.
So Eva, Jane and their husbands are going to Italy and Greece for 2 weeks.

Today we all woke up.
Eva had to go into work this morning, so her husband, Jane and her husband and I went out for breakfast.
We went to this little diner.

It was great then we headed back so everyone could do last minute trip preparations.
Val came over too so soon we were all sitting on Eva's deck and just chatting and enjoying the afternoon.
Eva and Jane wanted to get pedicures so we went to a nail place.

I got a manicure instead because I just got a pedicure last week.
I got my favourite OPI colour of all time which is Italian Love Affair which is very appropriate for Jane and Eva's upcoming trip.
Val was also getting prepped for her three week trip to Hawaii and she leaves tomorrow.

I just realized I have been going into extreme detail about all these things because I'm avoiding writing about what I came onto here to specifically TO write.
Today was a rough day for me.
Because I am having severe attacks of the emerald eyed monster.

When we got home from getting our nails done we had about an hour.
So I decided to go for a run.
Because I was started to feel suffocated by the emerald eyed girl taking over.

I loaded up everyone in my car at 7pm to take two very excited newlywed couples to the airport.
And there was that feeling in the pit of my stomach.
The darn emerald eyed monster scratching a nice comfy spot to lay.

I had a lump in my throat the whole drive because I was jealous.
I have to admit it.
I'm seething with jealousy.

I want what they have.
I want someone to travel with.
I was so excited to come to Toronto.

The job is majorly stressing me out.
I am disappointed in the whole MM fiasco because we were doing so many fun things in Toronto.
And now I've dropped off my friends at the airport.

They all joked that I finally got to Toronto and they are all leaving.
Only I didn't find it so funny.
Because it is true.

It is going to be a long two weeks.
Along in a big beautiful house of Eva's.
In a house that is begging to be filled with children.

They have a partner for life and I'm alone...again.
And I didn't mean this to be a mopey woe is me thingy.
But it feels like a step back.

I've got a lump in my throat.
And I'm sitting here.
And I'm lonely.

It is sort of consuming.
I can't seem to get a foothold.
It seems always like one step forward two steps back.

I know I just need to let go of these feelings.
Of the bitterness of jealousy that leaves such an awful taste in the back of your throat.
I need to let go.

It comes down to the awful cold reality.
That I do not like to be alone, nor am I happy alone.
I can go through the motions and have a full life.
But I am so much happier as a part of a couple.
It makes me feel weak to say that.
Like I'm not "supposed" to say that.
But it is the truth.
And that sucks really bad.
So that is my admission. 

I wonder if there is such thing as a emerald eyed monster exterminator.
I would totally hire one right now.
*Sigh*

Back to the Blog

it's unusual for me to be away.
And to not have posts in advance.
But I slacked...oopsie.

So much to catch up on.
Including but not limited to (I'm such a dork)...

• Job Interviews (yup with an S)
• Ottawa Trip
• Toronto Trip (yes in the same weekend).
• A Lululemon Bridal Shower.
• Dress shopping (turns out that long dress here wasn't doing it for me).
• Lecture from the Fam (what long weekend would it be without one).
• Train rides from hell.
• Scoring a number or was it my number was scored?
• PeptoBismol Shots in a bar (not taken by me obviously).
• Chewing on contacts.
• Bridesmaids movie review.
• Books on tape.
• The 'brary Drama.
• Yesterday was the 24th...lots of significance will explain later.

Gosh so much has happened so I will work on updating it all.

But in fun distracting celebdramagossip KimK news (because she can make me feel better about so many things like my curvy figure and she had a failed first marriage).
She apparently got engaged! (curb the emerald eye girl action... and just be happy for her is what I'm going for... besides how can you be envious of someone you totally don't know? Bizarre right?)
Anywho...big congrats out to the BEAUTIFUL Kim Kardashian soon to be Humphries.
Because though my emerald eyes may shine... the truth of the matter she gives me hope for my (body/lovelife/success) future.

Off to blog some posts!



Pics from imnotobsessed.com

Eva's Bridal Shower

So after last Saturday night's bachelorette party

I woke up bright and early Sunday morning

to make the drive into Toronto for Eva's bridal shower.

It was set to be interesting because her fiance is of a different cultural background

and my Waterloo girls are all very "Canadian".

So I dressed up for my final (scheduled) bridal shower for the year (I hope...totally kidding they are okay and I even enjoy myself ...but I can't help but sometimes get that feeling in the pit of my stomach of the emerald-eyed girl being bitter and disappointed at all my missed out showers/parties this year). 

Anywho... onto the MODG-inspired toilet shot of the outfit.

I love the fact that this dress has fantastic pockets! Just like my almost wedding dress.  Though I just realized now that the dress colour basically blends into the walls... random.

And since I loved all the fascinators etc. from the recent Royal Wedding...here was my fun attempt from the side..

From the front...ignore the inch+ of black roots that desparately need a touch up

(this Friday...I think).

So Val, Quinn and myself met up at Tim Horton's before hand to pow wow about game organization.

The shower was being hosted by Eva's fiance's mum.

The only thing she asked of us was that we organize some games.

We headed over there and got to meet a ton of his (soon to be her's too) cousins.

Who are all DROP DEAD GORGEOUS.

I spotted some red soled shoes that practically had the emerald-eyed Teagan ready to snatch them off their feet!  All of them were impeccably dressed up.

They are all of Persian decent so these women had gorgeous thick dark hair, big Jasmine (yup Disney Princess reference) eyes and beautiful skin.

It gave me some excitement to see what they will all wear to the wedding in just a few weeks.

And sort of wondering if my $70 dress from H&M is not formal enough

(I got it a few weekends ago read here) which makes me super duper panicked because I'm not sure where else I would get a formal dress from on such short notice.

So the bridal shower was a lot of fun

and actually reminded me a lot of my family (European) showers.

My Canadian friends and Eva's mum and grandmother's were stunned that there was a full meal for the shower (which is pretty par-for-the-course for European showers that I'm used to).

The food was fantastic and all Eva's favourite Persian dishes!

I was too busy stuffing my face to take pictures  of the actual food :)

But I managed a few of the dessert table (all totally made by hand of course).

So for the games we had...

A Wedding Word Scramble (umm can you tell 2/4 are school teachers organizing  the games)

Bridal Shower Bingo

The Apron Game

Finally the Toilet Paper Bridal Gown

I wish I had taken more pics but I lost my camera during the games organization.

The most hilarious one (because no one knew the big "trick") was The Apron Game.

Have you played it???

So you dress the bride-to-be in an apron COVERED with kitchen items.

(We mangaged to get most of them from the Dollar Store).

She walks through once with the instructions given being "pay attention to her appearence".

She then goes into another room until the game is completed.

That is her flower girl to be who looked ready to go that day...so cute!

So then you give them a piece of paper with an apron picture on it and have them write down everything on the apron...BUT then the game actually begins!

Hahahaha oh the trickery!

You have them turn over the paper and ask questions like...

what side was her hair parted?

what colour were her shoes?

how many rings was she wearing?

etc.

It was awesome and met by a collective groan once the true game was revealed.

It also is a nice gift for the bride-to-be and a fun memory...especially a bride-to-be like Eva who is a regular Martha Stewart in the kitchen.

These were all the prizes for the games!

Overall the games were a total success and honestly probably so much more fun because I don't think Eva's finace's family had ever done anything like that.

They said their favourite game was the Toilet Paper Bridal Dress game.

They did do one of their traditions which was to ask the bride-to-be who would be the next girl to be married...(because apparently that is a gift that the impending bride-to-be has???) and Eva sort of stunned was like "hmmm I have no idea..." and someone from her fiance's family pointed out me.

I went red immediately and thought to myself

oh gosh if only you all knew how far off you are...

and now that I actually have time to think about it

I wished I had graciously smiled

and asked if they knew any cute single guys with a wink...

maybe I could have improved my fun times at the wedding since I'm going solo

but alas I was thrown for a loop completely.

I tried to brush it off and Eva tried to help by saying one of the cousins and talk about why

(thank goodness for the rescue attempt).

So beside that minor random awkwardness it was fun.

Val, Quinn and I were able to laugh about it later...as in go figure out of EVERYone

I got picked out of the crowd for THAT.

Though Quinn was quick to point out that you never know.

So overall we had a fun afternoon

and then I went for coffee Val so that we could devise "the Plan".

More about that later.

My Self Made Long Weekend Update ~ Monday Funday

Monday I took the day off partly because I was celebrating the fact that I passed all my tests!  I haven't hung out with Eva since Quinn's birthday party (read that post here).
So I decided it would be fun to hang out with her on Monday (her day off) since she lives in a suburb of the TDot.

It totally left me with mixed feelings.
A huge part had that darn emeraldeyedgirl coming out.
I have so much love for Eva and she is honestly one of the most amazing women I know.
I certainly am happy for everything with her but it sometimes SUCKS to hold it all in and smile and be happy when by comparison my life blows.
And I KNOW comparing yourself to others likely leads you to being a emeraldeyedgirl but sometimes I can't help it!

Okay so the positives...
I met her early morning for hot yoga.
Generally I shy away from the 90 minute classes.
But Eva has a class that she swears by.
We both share a love for yoga...I had planned to do yoga the morning of my wedding in a private studio to just calm myself down (and Eva was the first one to go HECK yes I'm in)...sigh.
Anywho Eva is really REALLY good at yoga and this was definitely a hard core class.
It felt great to get a sweat on and hopefully get closer to looking like the girls in the class who just about all looked like THIS!

Craziness! But so good.
And how sweet that Eva gave me a shirt from Lululemon (my FIRST ONE!!) remember when I wrote about my mum's birthday gift (read here) and said I had nothing lulu...now I do!!! It's perfect and so pretty and of course the right size (told you Eva is amazing!)  Now mind you I am the heaviest I have ever been.  So I'm extra glad for the fitted on top loose on the bottom fit of this top.  I think the sweetheart neckline (thank you wedding dress shopping for my improved neckline vocabulary) is complimentary on me.  The back view is a little wonky and rotated but I think the back is really cool (minus the roll over the right side of the top grrrr).  Holla at the KimKardashian booty out in full force in the pic.  I will definitely be looked to Lulu the next time I need new yoga gear.  However, you cannot beat the price of Target and that is 99% of my workout gear.  Though the quality and feel of Lululemon is out of this world...(but so are their prices sorry Lulu but I'm still rocking the receptionist salary here).

So then we went back to her new place.  She just moved from a one bedroom condo (the one we had a final party in the second night of Taylor's visit to Canada (read here)) into a 5 bedroom house in the suburbs.  It is huge and perfect and we went through the entire thing while she told me about her plans and the new furniture they plan on getting for the place.  And while I was so so SO happy for her I had this knot in my stomach the whole time.  It is like getting a glimpse of everything I want in life and knowing I can't have it.  I really really REALLY want to be able to go house hunting with a husband and plan a house and buy furniture and still be planning my wedding (hers is at the end of May).  I'm so excited for her they are already planning on having kids ASAP after their wedding too.  But in all reality besides all the material things I'm super emeraldeyed over... I really just want someone to spend the rest of my life with.  I don't think I will ever be that lucky.

Anyway from there we had to go pick up my bro (who I left sleeping in at the hotel all morning) to go have lunch together.  On our drive down Eva and I chatted away and she showed me pics of her wedding dress fitting (another stomach knot), and about wedding details (more and more knots).  But I smiled and chatted away with her because I am geniunly happy for her.  It is also pretty important to note that Eva and I are so similar (and were roomates in first year dorm and all my years of collge).  So things about the wedding are very similar (we had booked the same videographer because of her recommendation).  From our invites, to bridemaid attire, to planned events they were nearly identical.  A fact that many of the Canadian girls found extremely amusing. 

So we picked up my bro and headed to....wait for it...
CHIPOTLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Toronto got two of them this year!)

How freaking excited was I?!  It's been 2 years plus since I've had Chipotle.
So I had to share this with Eva.

It was awesome to reminisce about my MANY MANY trips to Chipotle with Taylor.
It was just as I remembered and my bro and I even took Chips/Guac/Salsa home for a snack.

Then we headed back to the 'burbs because Eva wanted to show me the cute little "town" feeling in the middle of big city Toronto.
It was adorable they have a little main street that Eva and her fiance walk to.

There is a little park where they will take photos on their wedding day.

The church for their ceremony is also in this little "town".
We stopped by the Old Fire House Convectionery on Main Street.

They had DELISHIOUS candy apples (and bonus they cut them up in slices for you so you don't have to wear the candy part all over your face).

I haven't had a Candy apple since before I had braces (back when I was 14!)
So that was a super fun indulgence.  Yea I know I shouldn't complain about the way I look when I go and eat a candy apple! 

So we finished up and dropped off Eva at her house.
I ran in to use the bathroom and Eva opened some of her mail.
She groaned out loud because she is getting back wedding responses now and I guess her fiance's brother wanted to invite some friends.
Eva and her fiance were cool with that and invited some.
But they didn't invite said "friend" plus guest.
However said friends were RSVPing with their name AND guest.
So Eva was stressed because they have a 220 max and invited 250 and only 6 have responded no.
Then my guilt kicked in because remember I invited Will (read here) AND I can't for the life of me remember if my invite was to me or to me AND guest.  (I totally threw out that outside envelope).
And I didn't want to stress Eva out so I didn't mention anything about it.
Jane (who is in the wedding party) seemed to think inviting him was such a great idea (and she is in the know about the wedding) but now I'm not so sure.  (Plus I'm not sure Will will even come even though I really REALLY would like him to but it is Memorial Day weekend in the USA~ remember this post when he responded to my invite?)  I know I should just ASK her about it but I didn't think it was the right moment.  I see no reason to ask her and put her in that akward position if Will can't even come :(

Overall it was great to see Eva and I know it must be nice for her to be proud of all the fun exciting things in her life!  I also know if the shoe was on the other foot she would be gracious and supportive and amazing to me.
It was tougher than I thought it would be...but I managed.
Then my bro and I made the drive back home and I was exhausted from the weekend and was in bed by like 8:30pm!
And that was how I spent my Monday off!
Trying desparately not to be a emeraldeyedgirl...hmmm not sure I succeeded.

Pics from: http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-916/Hot-Yoga-A-Balanced-Look-at-a-Popular-Practice.html, http://dailytoronto.blogspot.com/2009/08/old-firehall-confectionery.html, http://hs.tema.pl/,

Emerald Eyed Girl Goes To A Bridal Shower

So I geared myself up for the bridal shower.
Got a great pep talk in the morning (over Tim Horton's coffee) with Jane before she left to go home.
Her suggestion...go as long as I could and leave when I needed to and don't feel the need to have to explain ANYthing to anyone.

So I put on my outfit we had picked the night before.

Which I thought was nice for a bridal shower.
I couldn't find my red heels which I was searching for but didn't want to be late.

I actually really really like the girl who is getting married.
We have a lot in common.
Including picking the exact same wedding venue, photographer, and florist.
Thanks goodness Eva's wedding is the same day so I don't have to sit through a wedding where I was supposed to get married.

So I get there and it starts off okay.
I wished my cousin Bella hadn't left for Cuba that morning so at least I would have an accomplice.
I guess I should explain how bridal showers etc. work in my family.
The Bridal shower is typically a lunch but I've seen the food rival some weddings I've been too.
Typically this lunch is held in a restaurant or hall (in this case a restaurant).
This one was a restaurant they closed for a Sunday afternoon for JUST the bridal shower all afternoon.
You can't tell but behind the girls is the same size space (beyond the brick walls) where the bar was set up and the buffet.
It was buffet style.
I think there was about 85 women there.
We eat lunch and gossip.

So first embarrasing moment was when my table (of 8) was in line for the dessert part of the buffet (that came AFTER the soup buffet part, the salad buffet part, and the main buffet part that included fish/beef/pork/chicken/pastas)).  And since we are all European we go to the buffet 4 different times.
And my mum walks by and says (loudly), "uh uh (like a "no no" sound) Teagan...that is all fattening".
Now let me explain a bit because I think my mum was likely pointing out that I generally eat healthy.
I'm lucky in a sense but I don't love desserts that much so I generally don't order it at a restaurant etc.
But my mum usually sounds like a b*tch with comments...like this is well known amoung my family that she is very VERY harsh and says thing that are usually negative.
So this makes it look like (in front of a TON of other people) that my mum is referring to the fact that I shouldn't be eating desserts because of my size.
I even got sympathetic looks and one woman said, "don't worry we can all cheat now and then" and another pipped in "just have a little bite of the things you really like"...which only FURTHER confirmed the fact that everyone must think I look like I'm bigger and I am currently at the heaviest I have ever been.
I turned bright red and just grabbed a martini glass filled with fruit and slinked back to the table.

Then the bride opens the gifts and the maid of honour reads the cards.
In most cases due to the size of the location a microphone is used.

For this one there was bridal shower bingo (which forces you to pay attention to the gift opening).  And yes the gifts covered four tables and even more.  It took all 5 bridesmaids to keep the lineup going at a reasonable pace. 
Pretty much you get a blank sheet and fill in what you think she will get (or what you remember from the registry that was purchased). 

I was literally the ONLY woman there who wasn't in a relationship/married.
Someone kindlly pointed this fact out to me...not so cool.
Wanted to punch them in the teeth!

The youngest there (17) and "even she was in a 2 year relationship" the person told me!

Oh well.

So here were some of my thoughts on the event.

• Totally jealous.  Would love to have a party where I get tons of gifts to get started with my life.
• My girls would have done an awesome job at keeping it super organized so the gift opening would take a minimum time (this one was just over 1.5 hours to open all the gifts).
• Is it really necessary to have a HUGE buffet lunch, open bar, shower favours etc. for the shower?  Usually in our family weddings include MANY pre parties including engagement party, bridal shower, stag and doe, bachelorette/bachelor party and THEN the wedding. (I will explain the difference/how it works when I get into my Spencer chapters too).
• I really wish this was me.  I wish I was still planning my wedding and showers.
• Why do people complain about planning these things I LOVED planning these things.
• When will it stop to hurt?
• Will this ever be me?
• Will every question/hold their breath if I am holding one...wanting to see if there will actually be a wedding to follow?
• Will I also be holding my breath if this is the case?
• I sure wish there was a time travel machine so I could change the past.

After the gifts were done I had pretty much had it.
So I went to my mum's table to say bye because she was leaving for Florida that night.
I didn't know one of the ladies at the table so my mum introduced me as her daughter.
And I don't know what my mum must have said but she said "so are you taking notes?"
I must have looked puzzled so I kind of said "pardon me?"
She said "well you're single right? so you should take notes on how it's done."
I'm going to try and be positive and assume that she was just trying to have conversation.
It just was such a random comment I had no idea what to say,
so I just nodded and said "yes."
So I wished my mum a good trip to Florida (for the third time in 2011) what can I say my family loves Florida.

So with that I got my things and thought to myself okay I made it let's get the HECK out of here.
I bumped into the groom at the entrance to the restaurant who was bringing his bride to be a ginormous bouquet of roses. 
I smiled and politely said hello...he grabbed my shoulder and said "Teagan are you doing okay?"
I just widened my smile and said "of course...I hope you have lots of room in your car for all those gifts...congratulations again."
He sympathetically nodded and said "hey thanks for coming I know it must be tough for you."
I just nodded and walked away ...way to call me out dude!
But I survived...barely.