I even have some pics too.
But I wanted a real time post because I have some feelings to get out there and let go.
Yesterday Jane and her husband arrived from Kingston in time for dinner.
Eva made pizzas and other fun delishious stuff.
We had a good night of drinks and flatbread pizzas and packing for them.
Not sure if I told you but they are going on a combined honeymoon.
They started to plan this just over a year ago.
So Eva, Jane and their husbands are going to Italy and Greece for 2 weeks.
Today we all woke up.
Eva had to go into work this morning, so her husband, Jane and her husband and I went out for breakfast.
We went to this little diner.
It was great then we headed back so everyone could do last minute trip preparations.
Val came over too so soon we were all sitting on Eva's deck and just chatting and enjoying the afternoon.
Eva and Jane wanted to get pedicures so we went to a nail place.
I got a manicure instead because I just got a pedicure last week.
I got my favourite OPI colour of all time which is Italian Love Affair which is very appropriate for Jane and Eva's upcoming trip.
Val was also getting prepped for her three week trip to Hawaii and she leaves tomorrow.
I just realized I have been going into extreme detail about all these things because I'm avoiding writing about what I came onto here to specifically TO write.
Today was a rough day for me.
Because I am having severe attacks of the emerald eyed monster.
When we got home from getting our nails done we had about an hour.
So I decided to go for a run.
Because I was started to feel suffocated by the emerald eyed girl taking over.
I loaded up everyone in my car at 7pm to take two very excited newlywed couples to the airport.
And there was that feeling in the pit of my stomach.
The darn emerald eyed monster scratching a nice comfy spot to lay.
I had a lump in my throat the whole drive because I was jealous.
I have to admit it.
I'm seething with jealousy.
I want what they have.
I want someone to travel with.
I was so excited to come to Toronto.
The job is majorly stressing me out.
I am disappointed in the whole MM fiasco because we were doing so many fun things in Toronto.
And now I've dropped off my friends at the airport.
They all joked that I finally got to Toronto and they are all leaving.
Only I didn't find it so funny.
Because it is true.
It is going to be a long two weeks.
Along in a big beautiful house of Eva's.
In a house that is begging to be filled with children.
They have a partner for life and I'm alone...again.
And I didn't mean this to be a mopey woe is me thingy.
But it feels like a step back.
I've got a lump in my throat.
And I'm sitting here.
And I'm lonely.
It is sort of consuming.
I can't seem to get a foothold.
It seems always like one step forward two steps back.
I know I just need to let go of these feelings.
Of the bitterness of jealousy that leaves such an awful taste in the back of your throat.
I need to let go.
It comes down to the awful cold reality.
That I do not like to be alone, nor am I happy alone.
I can go through the motions and have a full life.
But I am so much happier as a part of a couple.
It makes me feel weak to say that.
Like I'm not "supposed" to say that.
But it is the truth.
And that sucks really bad.
So that is my admission.
I wonder if there is such thing as a emerald eyed monster exterminator.
I would totally hire one right now.
*Sigh*
To hell with what you're "supposed" to say or feel or do. You're not weak. You are absolutely not weak.
ReplyDeleteThank you...just trying to figure it all out. And sometimes the wind just gets knocked out of your sails. Sucky for sure.
ReplyDelete