a little flame

Pic from here

So of course I'm going the days on of ignoring texts from MrRealtor...I just don't know what to say.
I'm also focusing this weekend on not being annoyed that Jacob said he was coming and then suddenly decided not to and just disappeared off the face of this earth on Wednesday...didn't even have the guts to say he wasn't coming he just disappeared (because he is a scared insecure person who can NEVER face any type of situation he runs...which is exactly what he does over and over again and I'm a total idiot for letting it happen again).  I know exactly how it will go down.  In a few weeks he'll message me and make some flimsy excuse as he tries to blame me.
And I'm dumb for even giving him the opportunity to come here.

Anywho so it makes me long for those magical 24 hours of new years.
And it makes me think of The Classmate.
And I can't help but think of him especially with my FAVOURITE song from Washington Heights 
(my new obsession lol).

Which is...
Play Hard by Midi Mafia
You can listen to it here...it isn't available for free download any more :(
Or it's here on youtube...

And oh my goodness...all I can think of is the classmate.
Because he has this habit of posting quotes on facebook.
Like today he posted this quote...

"A pearl is a beautiful thing that is produced by an injured life. It is the tear [that results] from the injury of the oyster. The treasure of our being in this world is also produced by an injured life. If we had not been wounded, if we had not been injured, then we will not produce the pearl."

- Stephan Hoeller

And yesterday it was this quote...

The most successful people make the most mistakes.

And before that this one...

"You can never cross the ocean unless you have courage to lose sight of the shore." Christopher Columbus

Which I think is great.
And I'm trying not to notice him when it comes up in my feed.
But gosh facebook is so bad for that.
So I'm going to pretend that I'm not waiting for the perfect moment to post my favourite quote on my wall from my new favourite song...

But don't forget, that every rainbow needs a little rain
For every lesson learned you gonna need a little pain
For every spark love it's gotta take a little flame
And every miracle needs a little praying

Should I or Shouldn't I...

Fridate

So I alluded to my first date with MrPhD before.
Friday we made plans...only he couldn't seem to decide what to do.
I'm usually pretty easy in terms of choice.
I pretty much like everything.


So I let him know I wasn't picky and he could feel free to make the executive decision.
He asked me to give him something to work with or food preferences.
I let him know that anything was good and linked an article to the top 10 new restaurants (a variety of pricing) from the Toronto Life magazine.


He then suggested some types of food like Italian, Japanese etc.
I said they all sounded great and apologized for not making it easy on him.
Then he asked me what to wear.
I told him I was wearing a causual dress with JackRogers flat sandals but had heels in the car if needed.
Only instead he whined about not knowing what to wear.


I was actually getting a little irritated at that point.
Mainly because I wanted him to man up and make a decision.
So then it came time to pick a place to meet up.


We decided on a neutral ground of Bayview Shopping Centre (the same shopping centre that has my favs of Restoration Hardware, Brooks Brother's, and O&B Cafe Grill...and yes if you've been following along the same place as DateEighteen with MrKent).


So he came to pick me up from that parking lot.
Which I offered to meet at the restaurant of his choosing but he still wanted to drive.
And don't worry I always let someone know who I'm going with etc. so I feel safe.


So he picked me up and we started to drive.
There was some awkward first date type chit chat.
Then we headed to Highway 61 Southern BBQ.
Which I was super excited for...

Pic from here

Only it was closed for renovations.
(Which also let me know he didn't try to make any reservations).
So then we walked down the street until we came across Verdi Restaurant.
A cute little place with a cute patio.

Pic from here

So we settled in.
And had some good chats.
It was hard sometimes because you know when you're talking and someone says "yea yea yea" only you think it's because they aren't listening.
That's sort of what he does and the feeling I got.
Like he doesn't quite pay attention.


Dinner was sort of just meh.
Basic pasta but the wine was warm (seriously).
And the bread was stale.
And I sort of wished he had said something about it to the waiter but he didn't.


So then he asked if I wanted to go grab a drink somewhere.
I wasn't having a completely unfortunate time.
So I agreed...maybe I just needed to warm up to him a little was what I was thinking.


So we headed down to College Street.
To a place called College Street Bar.
It definitely seemed like a cool place to be.
And with a gorgeous summer night it was fun to relax.

Pic from here.

And we sat there and talked some more.
Then he suggests we do shots.
I declined.
I'm so NOT a shot girl.
And ummm hi there first date.


So then he asks me if I think we click.
AND if I think we click physically? emotionally? chemistry?
I'm thinking in my head...holy crap I couldn't get MrKent to have this kind of conversation and here we are on a first date and this is totally WAY too soon.
So I think I tried to laugh it off and say something along the lines of...I think you're cute and I think we'll have to see about all those other things.

So it left me feeling slightly uncomfortable.
Maybe he is just sort of socially awkward?
And also...this is kind of weird...he would lean into me with his head tilted down.
But I couldn't tell if it was because he was trying to get closer to tell me something or if he was trying to put his face in my cleavage...SERIOUSLY I'm still trying to figure out that one.


Anywho it started to get late so I suggested we head back to the mall parking lot.
And as we pulled up to it.
We saw them giving my car a ticket!
Booooooooo!  At least my care wasn't towed!

Anyway so he got out of the car.
And we said goodbye.
He leaned in for a kiss so I let him peck me quickly on the lips before turning my head so the second kiss attempt landed squarely on my cheek.


He at least was sweet and asked me to text him when I got in.
I did and thanked him for the fun evening.
He replied with "you too your really sweet and fun".
So that was nice.


Umm yea...that was that first date.
I don't know about it.
He was cute but I'm just not sure how we "clicked" I suppose.


Then he messaged me during the weekend a bunch...which I usually really like.
Then sort of weird but yesterday he messaged me "I missed your smile ;)"
Which just seems like he is full of BS.
I mean we've been on ONE date.


So I managed to side step that one...then he blatantly text me "did you miss me?"
And my heart sunk.
Because I just had a fun long Canada Day Weekend with the girls 
(which will be the next post I write).
And I barely know him so ummm no I didn't really miss you.
But now I'm in this awkward position where he totally has put me on the spot.
I just sort of ignored it and responded later on in the day with something about an afternoon nap...pure avoidance is the way I chose to go with that!


I talked to Laurel about it and she thinks he's just trying to hit it and quit it.
ie. Totally full of BS and just trying to get in my pants.
We sort of made plans to hang out Wednesday.


He asked if I wanted to go on a hike.
I mean not exactly my first choice for a second date but we'll see.
I don't know...am I just be hypercritical because I'm comparing these two first dates with recent amazing dates with MrKent?
I just don't know!


I also don't know if will go on a second date with MrDental Surgeon.
I wrote about the date ditching weirdness here.
He messaged me a Happy Canada Day. 
And then he messaged me yesterday about how my weekend was...and asking what my week looked like.
I responded back all breezy like...I have a few things on the agenda but not too crazy ...what does your week look?
He responds with "Very light week, weekend completely free!"
To which I didn't respond...because if he thinks I'm going to ask him out after he blew me off on Wednesday...well let's just say that's not going to happen.
And I haven't heard from him since.

But don't worry I have a few others on the agenda for this week.
Wednesday a second date (possibly) with MrPhD.
Thursday a first date with MrResident.
This Friday possibly a date with MrConsultant.
This weekend Jacob is possibly coming up to visit.
Just thought I would try and slip that one past y'all.
F*ck.


It's only during the rough times I tend to spiral into that suckhole vortex that is Jacob.
I haven't done it yet but I have chatted with him.
Obviously I'm not feeling that great if I'm resorting to that.
I suck.

Awake

Pic from here.

At 3:23am.
I woke up.
All sweaty and stressed and anxiety ridden.
Ughh I hate nights like this.
My first thought.
MrKent.
The memories come flooding back of mere hours before.
"....I'm not being fair to you" he started with.
And that heavy knot returns to my stomach.
Then I think of Arlie who I usually turn to in heartbreak.
Right he is gone too.
Then I glance at my phone.
A message from Jacob "I miss you".
And I panic.
I try to force myself to sleep.
Knowing the exhaustion I will feel in a few hours.
Dreading the questions from my work colleagues 
who I had bragged about my weekend in wine country with MrKent.
And I'm not sure if I will actually get back to sleep.

When promises aren't promises*

Hi.
My name is Teagan and I have a flair for the overdramatic.
As in right now.
As in I'm perplexed and pacing my apartment which means it's time for another round of way too honest and way too much detail and just writing it out on the blog.

It may just be one of those nights that if I was in Dallas.
I would turn up on Tay's door step with a bottle of wine and comfy clothes on just cause.
Now that makes it sound uber depressing (which it is not).
Just I'm perplexed and need a bestie to lean on.

So here it goes.
I totally am crushing way WAY to hard on MrDentist.
As in I need to get a grip and perhaps go on more dates with others.
Which I know seems so very counterituitive.
Ugh.

So last we left it I had a great Friday into Saturday.
Saturday was a rollercoaster.
I thought I was doing the mature and right thing letting him have his guy's night.
However part of me wishes I had tagged along (the selfish part of me that was bitter and irritated sitting at home on a Saturday night).

On Sunday I had a change of plans.
So I invited MrDentist to come by for a drink on his way home.
To which he didn't know how Sunday would go for him but said he was thinking he could visit Wednesday night* as on Thursday morning he was headed out to a guys trip to Vegas.
I (after consulting heavily with Tay) replied breezily "sounds great".

I didn't hear from him at all on Sunday.
But was greeted with a Monday 7:15am text of good morning and a soon to follow message of "can't wait to hear your voice" doubleswoon!
We texted back and forth most of the day.
I spoke to him for about 10 minutes before I suggested he talk to MissDentist (I though her boyfriend had flown out that day but I got confused with Tay). 
Then he texted me to say he had to call his dad next.
Then I didn't hear from him until the am good morning text today which included an explanation of him falling asleep on his ocuhc and waking up on it after midnight.

Which led to more flirty texts today.
On my way home I decided to stop at the grocery store to have some things here just in case.
Her is the funwithpaint proof.
Of my stocked fridge.
Seriously I'm either head over heels for this guy or I'm just a little bit of an overthinker.
I tried to illustrate my thinking behind each of these items.

I tried to call him at around 9:15pm.
He messaged me he was in a business meeting and may have to continue said business meeting tomorrow night :( and that is his unhappy face which pretty much matched mine.
Then a "call u soon".

Which was exactly one hour and eleven minutes ago.
Combine that with some unsettling home news (which is not for this blogs information).
And a little bit of stress for a last minute Monday/Tuesday overnight trip that I'm actually majorly stressing.
And I'm a stressball.
Seriously.

*I think I need to take a deep breath and realize that sometimes
when someone says something it isn't always promise.
Even if I want it to be.
Did I mention I am a tad overdramatic?!

Also the teeniest tiniest part of me then thinks about this mess of unanswered messages
from Jacob.
Did you really think he would stop?
Here they are in chronological order...

PS Thanks Tay for teaching miss this cool feature on the iPhone.
So a few things of the above messages.
#1 how about a round of applause for all the UNANSWERED messages (yay!)
#2 so WEIRD how he messages me over and over and doesn't try to call or anything else!
#3 have to admire his persistance
#4 one of those is a actually a quote from  a Gavin DeGraw song (see video below)

So it is now 10:50pm and more importantly MrDentist hasn't called.
I should just go to bed.
And pretend I'm not anxiously awaiting his phone call.
And try not to be disappointed if I just get a "good morning" text in the morning.
And not be perturbed that likely he isn't spending the night tomorrow.
Even if I thought he totally promised.
Sigh...

Difficult Decisions

So tonight my parents came up to the TDot.
We had dinner and then the main reason they came up...
I've decided to temporarily give them my dog.

He is and has been really ill for awhile.
I think I alluded to this before.
There is something wrong with him.

We don't know what because he seems to just have an elevated white blood cell count specifically neutrophils which is basically only suggestive of infection.
The doctor's recommendation is to do surgical biopsy of intestines and the liver to see if anything comes up.

This surgery would involve putting him on general anaesthesia.
He is about 5lbs and tiny and this sort of nonspecific exploratory surgery does NOT sit well with me.  Plus it would be upwards of $3000.
So I've been struggling with this decision awhile.

Our current plan of action is a rather large dose of antibiotics with bloodwork on a monthly basis to monitor if anthing changes.
And of course I look out for other signs of him deteriorating.
Yesterday I was a wreck with worry because he just refused to eat.
And he typically seems to do better when I'm around.
ie. there is a noticible personality difference when I'm home (like weekend) versus a long day at work.

My parents are home a ton.
My mum's work is 5 minutes away.
She goes home for lunch.
My grandmother is at my parents home all day long two days a week.
So I made the decision to let them take him.
I think he would be happier.
But I'm heartbroken.

At least my parents basically took it as they will take him for a few weeks and "fatten him up" and then return him here.
Deep down in my gut I worry that I've sent him to my parents house to essentially die.
Part of me selfishly admits that that would be easier than doing that on my own here.
The thought of losing him crushes my heart.
I seriously have anxiety about finding him dead here and what would I do.
It freaks me right out actually.

I love my dog.
He has been with me since 3 weeks after I first moved to Texas.
He studied with me for every single test (and there were hundreds).
It's been me and him.

He survived a crazy exboyfriend essentially attack us and chase us around our apartment one night.  It was like some bad episode of cops seriously ridiculous.
He was with me when I fell in love with Jacob.
He was with me when my heart was broken by Jacob in Philadelphia.
He refused to leave my side when Spencer absolutely destroyed my heart in Canada.
When all I would do was sleep and watch TV and cry...he was there curled up in a ball beside me following me from bed to couch to bed.
He has survived moves and flights internationally.
He is the sweetest most loyal dog ever.

And I can't help though but feel like one of those Teen Moms on MTV.
You know the irresponsible ones that continue to party and go out, leaving their parents to babysit/raise their child because they just want to be a normal teenager.
Part of me feels very very guilty about this situation.
I wonder if I made the right decision.
Tonight I have the sads :(

Burning Bridges Bulletproof

So in the last 3 days...
3 messages...
From Jacob...
most recent one calling me "zuzu" our cutsie nickname for each other.
Ughhhh...
But I'm not responding.

And this morning I'm listening to this olderish yet rather appropriate song.

And I'll post the lyrics and highlight my fav parts after the jump.
This time, baby,  I'll be bulletproof.




Lyrics:

Bulletproof lyricsSongwriters: Jackson, Elly; Langmaid, Ben;
Been there, done that messed around
I'm having fun, don't put me down
I'll never let you sweep me off my feet
I won't let you in again
The messages I tried to sendMy information's just not going in

Burning bridges shore to shore
I break away from something more
I'm not turned on to love until it's cheap

Been there, done that messed around
I'm having fun, don't put me down
I'll never let you sweep me off my feet
This time, baby, I'll be bulletproof
This time, baby, I'll be bulletproof

I won't let you turn around
And tell me now, I'm much too proud
To walk away from something when it's dead

Do, do, do your dirty words
Come out to play when you are hurt?
There's certain things that should be left unsaid

Tick, tick, tick, tick on the watch
And life's too short for me to stop
Oh baby, your time is running out

I won't let you turn around
And tell me now I'm much too proud
All you do is fill me up with doubt
This time, baby, I'll be bulletproof
This time, baby, I'll be bulletproof
This time, baby, I'll be bulletproof
This time, baby, I'll be bulletproof

This time I'll be bulletproof
This time I'll be bulletproof

This time, baby, I'll be bulletproof
This time, baby, I'll be bulletproof
This time, baby, I'll be bulletproof
This time, baby, I'll be bulletproof

Really?!?!

Almost forgot to add this.
Technically I should post it under December 31, 2011.

Word for word y'all...via text.

Hi I hope you had a good holiday and a nice nye today.  I saw your new profile pic on fb you look amazing and beautiful.

From guess who?
Jacob.
I haven't spoken to him since this chat.
He will never change.
In every respect.

My response....
Nothing.
Because like I said.
I'm officially done.
Besides the Jacob drama is SOOOO 2011.

Closing Remarks

Pic from here

So it is over with Jacob.
I know I've said it before.
But it is done.

Appropriately or conveniently however you like it.
Via WhatsApp.
Here's how it all went down after barely talking after that weekend.

And embarassingly word for word.
For all honesty's sake.
Though it might get removed in the future.

Me: Hi
Jacob:  Hi I was thinking of you all morning.
Me: About?
Jacob:  Missing you and the love I felt staring in your eyes when we (well you fill in the blank).
Me:  So ummm how come we haven't talked
Jacob: I feel like it will start a fight
Me: Huh?
Jacob:  I feel like you get mad at me and I don't want to fight.
Me:  Ok so avoicance is CLEARLY the better choice?
Jacob:  No how did you feel with me there and being together?  Besides me leaving early.
Me:  I felt like you were unsure or uncomfortable.
Jacob:  When we were intimate?Me:  No when we were haning out.  Then I felt like you couldn't wait to leave (um HELLO 4:30am exit).
Jacob:  What did you feel when we were intimate?
Me: Fine
Jacob:  Did you feel mutual love for each other?
Me:  I think that is looking too deep into stuff.  I'm more concerned about what you did (referencing him leaving early) and I think it was very immature and hurtful and showed that you probably still have a lot of stuff to work on.
Jacob:  I'm sorry you felt that way, but you felt my love for you when we were together right?
Me:  Not really because I look for that in actions outside of being intimate.
Jacob: No I was staring in your eyes telling you how much I love you
Me: K
Jacob:  I do love you.
Me: Ok but...
Jacob:  No but
Me:  So what's the deal then?
Jacob:  WHat do you want and how do you feel from seeing me?
Me:  I don't want how it ended to happen again and I don't know if you are capable of that.
Jacob:  Ok so what should we do?
Me:  What are your feelings?  I think a decision should be made one way or anohter.
Jacob:  I love you I felt our love making love (FYI that is way too many "love"s in one sentance).
Me:  And then you turned around and acted like that ???It makes no sense.
Jacob:  What do you want to do?
Me:  I want you to make an action or decision.  I"m exhauseted having to be the one to always do that.  I want to be the woman in the relationship.  It' slike you want me to make decisions because you are unsure and it is incredibly frustrating (ie. I want someone to WANT me).
Jacob:  I want to know what you want.
Me:  Well l I don't know
Jacob:  Ok
Me:  I don't want to be with someone who is insecure.  What do you want?
Jacob:  I don't know.
Me:  Ok then I think I will gracefully bow out then.
Jacob:  Ok
Me:  And the fact that THAT is your response confirms it.

And that my friends is how the Jacob chapters have now closed.

Change...

Pic from here I'm sure I had this look on my face this morning.

So in direct opposite to my below totally false blog update...here is a totally true blog update.
It may be TMI but you know what I need to get it all out here.

I'm stuck at what to do for work. 
Have caught in between staying and leaving. 
And sometimes even find myself considering an entire career change,
Which if you know is completely scary given the year/money/effort into this career.

MrBrit has messaged me a bunch.
He messaged me on Friday about what my weekend plans were.
So I didn't have any space for him in my calendar.
Hopefully next week.

I am supposed to have a date with MrEngineer tonight.
It all depends on how late my parents stay here and how my dog is doing.
My dog came out of the hospital on Friday. 
I will spare you the details of the $$$ bills associated with that.
And without a full diagnosis.
Just a best guess one that included 3 different antibiotics treatment and a see how it goes approach.
Which is why my parents are coming.
They are worried about the dog.

So I was trying to get out all the other random details before.
But here is sort of the lacklustre bomb.
Jacob actually came to visit.

After all the promised visits before hand.
He finally showed up.
Driving directly from his work Friday afternoon.
Arriving here just after 3am.

And you guys its was awkward.
And bizarre.
You see he is the exact same.
Newer car, less hair but the EXACT same.
And I don't think that is enough for me.
The me that is fun and adventurous, and silly and girly and loving and passionate.

Mostly because this weekend I was sort of bored.
And I'm sure he was too.
I put up my Christmas decorations and we watched holiday movies.
We went to the grocery store and got everything to make a yummy pizza.
Being with him didn't even make those things more fun (which I kind of thought they would).
And sidenote I paid for everything while he was here (you see really NOTHING really has changed).

And this morning as he woke up at 4:30am to head back home.
I was frustrated and upset.
Not because I wanted everything to work out and us to be together.
But because it felt EXACTLY as it always did.
Him leaving becuase it's more convenient.
Me stunned because I figured he would stay longer.
An awkward hug and kiss goodbye where I turned my head so he only caught the side edge of my mouth.

And I'm now doing laundry and getting ready for my parents to visit.
And I think this was just what I needed to end the Jacob chapter.
Because the last thing I want to feel is complacency or boredom with someone.
And that is how I felt this weekend.
I don't think he is enough for me.

Happy birthday, Teagan. Welcome to 30, and you've certainly made a mess of it.

Okay so I totally borrowed the title of this post from a quote from Episode 402 of One Tree Hill  "BROOKE: Happy birthday, Brooke. Welcome to 18, and you've certainly made a mess of it".

So a ton of randomness to begin.
I've been super stressed.
Like super stressed making my period 3 days late (I'm good like that for stress...is that TMI...oh well I'm feeling in the sharing mood.)
My first two months in Singapore I was about two weeks late from stress alone.

What do I have to be stressed about?

• Jacob for like the gazillionith time "coming for sure to visit this weekend" and bailing yet again.
• A seminar I signed up for in trying to avoid turning 30 and then pulling out of because I didn't have the time to prepare (and the thought of arriving there at 7:30am didn't seem appealing).
• Having to deal with work drama.  The fact that I had a 3 month review with the person I am supposed to report to on my contract and having a new three month review scheduled with head office/corporate 3 people panel has me freaking out beyond belief).  On Friday that new three month review was pushed until Wednesday (great 2 extra sleepless nights)...but only after I made an idiot of myself responding because I thought they had moved it two hours later same day and not reading careful enough I responded I couldn't do it then and then being corrected that I could from big boss CEO's assistant (careless and dumb on my part ughhh).
• And the fact that I turned 30 which to me is just devastating.  I don't think it sounds cool or sophisticated and while it's great that everyone says its the best time ever (ummm wasn't that supposed to be high school years?) I don't believe them.NO Wait!!! I DO believe them if it is coming from the mouths of married/happy couples.

I realize this makes me sound like a bitter horrible single person but whatever.
I'm sure YOUR life is great in your 30s...I'm just not so sure mine is.
Though it is actually good to hear it...it's like I believe it for everyone but myself.
So I've been wrestling with all this.
And all the time trying to forget about my birthday curse...which totally exists.
More about that later.

So Saturday started off okay.
I slept in, did some cleaning, watched a random movie (Flyboys if your interested which I actually really liked).  Of course here's the trailer.

I had Eva come over for a later afternoon lunch of soup/salad/samosas.
I meant to take a picture of the table but totally forgot.
And I even folded the napkins all cute as sort of cutlery envelopes.
Anywho Eva was the 2nd 30th birthday pep talker.
And I was like ummm okay.
Yes YOUR life in your 30s is great married/new house/trying to have babies/awesome vacations every year...my life?... not so much...but was able to smile and nod anyway.
Eva did help me finally compose a "itsnotyouitsme" text to MrFinance (finally putting a close on that chapter).
Then she had to go get ready for date night/her birthday celebration with her husband at an uber fancy restaurant (and me trying not to be all green eyed about it).

Then I busied myself getting ready.
And I found myself actually enjoying it.
Put on the new Drake album and took my sweet time getting ready putting on makeup and debating outfits.
Val came over (we had plans for dinner) and she helped me pick out this outfit winner.
And I was so so SO excited.
We were going to eat at a fabulous trendy place.
And we decided to stay downtown and go drinking/dancing/basically get up to shenanigans.

So on our way out the door Val snagged a samosa.
Val who has been dealing with some digestion stomach issues.
You can probably totally see where this is going.

So we drive downtown for our 10:15pm reservations (clearly this place was HAP-PEN-ING).
It was #1 in the 2011 ten best new restaurants in Toronto Life magazine.
Check out the article here.

It is called Origin on King Street East downtown.
As we pulled up the first thing I noticed was the super cool pinky/purple-y lights (awesome).
I wish I had taken a photo as I can't find any on the internet....next time.

Then as we walked up there was a buzz of excitement.
The place had a great atmosphere.

Light fixture is made of 1600 godzilla figurines...who comes up with this stuff?  Perfect birthday party table though.

The kitchen is totally open and smack in the middle of the restaurant we were lucky enough to be seated right around it.  Front row seat baby!

Yup some liquid nitro awesomeness!

Those from Dallas it is like sitting around the tables at Mr. Sushi where you can watch them make things.  Check out their online gallery HERE (it really was beautiful).

I got a cocktail and Val was looking a little queezy at that point but said she would be fine if she just made a trip to the ladies.
Then we sat down and ordered.
Our appetizers came and Val barely poked at it (despite our agreed deliciousness factor).

Beet + goat cheese + pickled red onion + walnuts + sherry dressing + yogurt _13

Indian lentil soup + coconut _6

Brussel sprouts + smoked bacon + sherry vinegar _9

Spicy Spanish fries + chorizo + manchego _12

At that point I suggested leaving but Val insisted that we stay.
So we ordered our mains.
And a few minutes later the poor girl broke out in a sweat.
At that point I was like okay we are leaving.
So we snagged the waitress and got our mains to go.
Val didn't even get a chance to drink her wine before we left.

She had driven that night so I offered to just take a cab home but she insisted on driving and thought she would be up and awake and miserable anyway.
So she drove me home and immediately headed home herself.
Here is some of our mains in their to go containers.

Leftover apps of the brussel sprouts and Spanish fries.

Origin beef burger + avocado + smoked mayo + arugula _17

She was fine by the next day and she laughed that at least she did know she for sure could not eat things with green pepper in it.
And to clarify she did know it was in the samosa before hand.
I wasn't pulling one over on one of my besties.
And she had eaten them all through Uni well we recognize NOW that they did cause some issues.

So it was an early birthday night for this girl.
And as I lay in bed.
I sighed.
I hope my 30s will be the best years ever.
But I don't have that kind of faith right now.
I just don't.
I really need to get to be who I am beyond this heartache and fear.
I am trying.
I just wish that turning 30 didn't feel like a set back.

Here's how Episode 402 ended...

LUCAS: There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroads. Afraid, confused, without a road map. The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days. Of course, when faced with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn around and go back. But once in a while, people push on to something better. Something found just beyond the pain of going it alone, and just beyond the bravery and courage it takes to let someone in, or to give someone a second chance. Something beyond the quiet persistence of a dream. Because it's only when you're tested that you truly discover who you are. And it's only when you're tested that you discover who you can be. The person you want to be does exist, somewhere on the other side of hard work and faith and belief. And beyond heartache and fear of what lies ahead.


Non food close up pics from here here here

PS.  The Teagan birthday curse seems to be continuing...just saying.