one thousand two hundred and ninety six

Pic from here

I woke up this morning and my first thought was MrAttorney.
This is definitely trouble.
He is away again.

On a work retreat out of the country.
And I miss him.
And I miss sleeping with him.
I miss laughing with him...oh its been so long since I've just giggled and laughed so much.
And the kissing...oh my the kissing!

Pic from here

The last couple of weeks we've been alternating sleeping at each other's places.
Mostly because we would rather be together than apart.
Even though we don't come out and say it.
But it's not what I'm worried about.

You see on Thursday morning when he was getting ready to leave.
And both of us were bustling around in the morning.
And I took a chance and leaned in kissing him and whispering in his ear..."you know I'd like to be more than bed buddies...just saying"
(Side note; we've been joking around that we are bed buddies...I think both of us sort of testing the waters...seeing what the other thinks etc...so I took the leap well I at least sort of put it out there).
And he said, "oh yeah?" and all I heard was a possible rejection.
Since then we haven't had a chance to get together because he is away.
And I'm a little nervous in having thrown that out there.

Oh yeah and there's just this one other thing...he's never been in love...ever.
And what stinks is I'm merely one thousand two hundred and ninety six hours in and I'm falling for him.
It came from that night where nothing should have worked out...and maybe it won't.
I wish I knew how to slow down my heart...

Blur

I'm sinking into a happy blur as days whip by.
I need to write about all the fun things I've been doing.

Like lunch and pedis with the girls.

A concert with the Canada Crew to see the British Indie Band The Foals.

Medieval Times with the CanadaCrew which was so fun.

Heading down to Maple Leaf Square with 15 000 others to watch the Leafs bite it in game seven

A weekend in Kingston to visit Jane, Quinn, Val, Eva and their families.

Watching Les Mis with the girls.

Heading to Taste of the Food Terminal with the Canada Crew.

And falling pretty hard for MrAttorney.
I cannot get enough of spending time with this man.
He makes me laugh and he's smart and sexy and just amazing.
I'm in big time trouble!

the seventh

Pic from here

So after a super long week I kind of bailed on my Friday night plans with MrAttorney
Well we didn't actually have plans...
But when he found out I didn't he invited me to join him and his friends downtown
Only I wasn't feeling it

On Saturday I had to meet my parents in Waterloo to pick up my ($200 repair) on my car
We couldn't really come up with plans.
Which sort of made me cranky.

The though spot where you don't want to be high maintenance but when things don't really seem to be working out.
He headed up to my area of town and we tried to go eat at one place but they gave us only 15 minutes until the kitchen closing.
So we ended up heading to the Shops at Don Mills to go to the Bier Market.

Where we proceeded to have a great time.
I felt bad for sort of being difficult with finding a place to go eat.
Which is annoying because I have so much fun with him.

He is very kind to me even if he does like to tease me a little.
He often does sweet things.
Like the next morning when I was feeling a little hung over he went to go pick me up some Gatorade while I continued to sleep.

I took him to my favourite breakfast place in the city Hammersmiths.
Before we headed back to my place for a short nap while we watched episodes of Breaking Bad.
I had Cinco de Mayo plans with the CanadaCrew so MrAttorney suggested I plan on staying at his place so I could partake in margaritas with my lunch.

He even dropped me off the Drake where I was meeting up with everyone.
After I had a great afternoon eating tacos and drinking one too many margaritas on a patio he even came to pick me up.
We ordered take out from Pizzeria Libretto and just had a relaxing early night to sleep.

This morning it was only a little awkward when we ran into one of his neighbours at 7am in the hallway.
Him CLEARLY carrying my sorority print overnight bag and me carrying cowboy boots in one hand.
I'm starting to like him too much for my own good.

Oh yeah and just to up his amazing-ness factor.
He speaks French fluently.
I mean... seriously!

the sixth

Tuesday night after a stressful day at work 
I had to pick up a package at our Brampton office location
Which is a HUGE pain in the butt seeing as I was in the downtown location.

This meant fighting horrific traffic during peak times
And as I texted over lunch this to MrAttorney 
He actually offered to keep me company

So instead of battling it on my own cursing the overcrowed Toronto roads.
We had some laughs
And got to chat

After we headed back to his place (downtown where all the cool people ie. my friends also live).
Decided to head to Gusto101 for dinner.
One of my favs since they also on Trattoria Nervosa (which you may remember as the last food stop from when Taylor last visited Toronto).

Pic from here

And we had wine and shared food and just laughed.
From there we headed to SpiritHouse Toronto.
Which I've always wanted to go to but haven't had a chance.

Pic from here

A very cool vibe.
Actually the more I think about it the more I liked it.
For a drink 
(me a Kir Royale (my fav) and a Bramble for him (he teased me that I ordered him a girly drink but had no problem with how good it tasted)

Pic from here

We were having so much fun that we walked to BarChef to share a molecular cocktail.

Pic from here

I always like going to barchef because it is dark and romantic.
And let's be real the molecular cocktails blow my mind!

Pic from here

Just one of those nights where time flies by much too quickly.
I'm just waiting for him to get sick of me lol

the fifth

so MrAttorney was between firms for about a week 
so he spent it in Miami where his younger brother lives.
Now we just started hanging out so I didn't expect to hear from him much

To my surprise he did message me on a few occasions and even took up my suggestion to go see the parking garage at 1111 Lincoln Road which I'm currently obsessed with
Parking garage by day...

Pic from here

Cool venue space by night...

Pic from here

I must see this the next time I'm in Miami!
So after my sorority meeting downtown this past Monday night he asked for me to stop by
because he had a gift for me 

He brought me back macarons from Miami.
Which I thought was so sweet and kind.
After all anyone who knows me at all know my obsession with these perfect little desserts

Pic from here

I was impressed that he would cart these delicate little desserts back just for me.
I'll keep you posted on how things go
I have to admit I don't want to jinx it
because we all know it only takes 17 dates before things tend to crumble apart
guess I'll just have to enjoy the next possible 12

Mr.Tenderfoot

Y'all I don't even know where to begin with the craziness that is my dating life when it is fresh new line up.
But I'll try.
Two weekends ago I was at my brother's house for his birthday party.

I met my cousin Bella before hand.
She came with her boyfriend and his friend.
She hopped in my car and gave me the low down on his friend.

He had been dating his girlfriend for 4.5 years and they broke up 2.5 weeks ago.
She apparently freaked because he bought a house and that was much too serious for the girlfriend.
SO in order to cheer him up Bella brought him along.
And she had invited two of her sort of crazy and wild girlfriends from work.
They were there to flirt with him and cheer him up.

As we awaited these cheer up girls to arrive.
I ended up chatting casually with him.
He had been having a really rough two and a half weeks.
And then he tried to open a bottle of wine and as much as he tried he couldn't do it.
And then I did it...easily (I tried to make him feel better telling him he loosened it...he didn't buy it).

Then he tried to open a beer and promptly sheared off the top part getting glass in it.
Seriously...buddy was having an off night.
And really I didn't think too much about him.
Turns out we went to the same high school...only we missed each other because he is 6 years younger than me.

As the night progressed I think those other girls were a little too aggressive for him.
So then we all headed out to a bar in my hometown much to my dismay (seeing as I was in a cotton dress, tights, flats and a cardigan...not exactly bar attire).
We all were out and the funny thing is was in the first 10 minutes I kept getting approached.
Everyone found it quite amusing.

And then like always Bella and her boyfriend got in a screaming match.
Which lead to us suggesting we just leave.
So we headed back to Bella and her boyfriends house.
Where they continued to fight and we finally decided that Bella and I would stay there and the boys would stay at her boyfriend's friends house.

The next day we decided to have a lazy day of watching movies and eating wings.
Bella and her boyfriend were still trading jabs with each other.
So me and the Bella's boyfriends friend (okay I think I just need to come up with something to keep it simple how about Mr.Tenderfoot (hey he is SIX years younger than I am...clearly I have an issue with it) would just exchange looks.

So at the end of the night I was heading back to my parents place.
Bella's boyfriend was complaining about being tired so I offered to drive Mr.Tenderfoot home.
He invited me in for a drink and to show me his new place.
It was adorable because clearly he was super excited about it.

And then he jokingly said at the end of the night "I make a really good breakfast" (which is the bad pickup line we had all talked about earlier in the night...remember when this Mr tried to use it on me???)
Anywho I laughed and said I better go.
A quick hug later I headed home.
Not thinking too much about it.
I mean he was super handsome and fun BUT he's SUPER young and he lives in the city I basically can't stand.

When I got home he texted me...telling me Bella never told him before that she had a gorgeous cousin and that he didn't say that before because he had a really hard time reading me.
He wanted to let me know that he thought I was a really down to earth girl and he was happy we met.
We chatted a bit back and forth the next day...when he invited me to go to a concert with him the following Friday.  It seemed like a fun thing so I agreed.
Because seriously he is TWENTY-FIVE and I at least deserve to have a little fun if not get my groove back just a little...

Pic from here

a little flame

Pic from here

So of course I'm going the days on of ignoring texts from MrRealtor...I just don't know what to say.
I'm also focusing this weekend on not being annoyed that Jacob said he was coming and then suddenly decided not to and just disappeared off the face of this earth on Wednesday...didn't even have the guts to say he wasn't coming he just disappeared (because he is a scared insecure person who can NEVER face any type of situation he runs...which is exactly what he does over and over again and I'm a total idiot for letting it happen again).  I know exactly how it will go down.  In a few weeks he'll message me and make some flimsy excuse as he tries to blame me.
And I'm dumb for even giving him the opportunity to come here.

Anywho so it makes me long for those magical 24 hours of new years.
And it makes me think of The Classmate.
And I can't help but think of him especially with my FAVOURITE song from Washington Heights 
(my new obsession lol).

Which is...
Play Hard by Midi Mafia
You can listen to it here...it isn't available for free download any more :(
Or it's here on youtube...

And oh my goodness...all I can think of is the classmate.
Because he has this habit of posting quotes on facebook.
Like today he posted this quote...

"A pearl is a beautiful thing that is produced by an injured life. It is the tear [that results] from the injury of the oyster. The treasure of our being in this world is also produced by an injured life. If we had not been wounded, if we had not been injured, then we will not produce the pearl."

- Stephan Hoeller

And yesterday it was this quote...

The most successful people make the most mistakes.

And before that this one...

"You can never cross the ocean unless you have courage to lose sight of the shore." Christopher Columbus

Which I think is great.
And I'm trying not to notice him when it comes up in my feed.
But gosh facebook is so bad for that.
So I'm going to pretend that I'm not waiting for the perfect moment to post my favourite quote on my wall from my new favourite song...

But don't forget, that every rainbow needs a little rain
For every lesson learned you gonna need a little pain
For every spark love it's gotta take a little flame
And every miracle needs a little praying

Should I or Shouldn't I...

Every song on the radio

You know when you're in that goofy phase of a crush or in the deepest depths of heartache and things sort of just speak to you???
Like every song on the radio makes you think of things...
Obviously my newest obsession TV show is Washington Heights (like I mentioned before).
And this last episode ughhhhhhhhh totally spoke to me.
I told you how the episode before two friends for years hooked up.

And the girl approached the boy about how she felt.
And it is EXACTLY how I feel about ummm a certain boy.
After crappy small talk and her trying to just spit it out she finally gets into it.

"its just like ...there's this ummm...what's the word?
for lack of  a better term... like vulnerability
and you ...not that you're not complete within yourself 
because you are and that's like what makes me want to pick your brain so much about stuff
there's like a little me shaped hole... 
somewhere in there
and I'd love to fill that space...
I feel like it would be a lot easier to do it as your friend 
but it would be a lot more fun to do it as more...
you know...you follow?"

And it just SPOKE to me.
I totally get that.
It's what I'm thinking about my classmate from New Years...
Except without actually saying or doing anything about it.
I'm cool just continuing to be his friend but it sure would be a heck of a lot more fun being more.

The couple from the show and clearly the classmate is just like him...super good looking, cool dresses well and I can't be the obvious grinning infatuated girl...sigh...pic from here

And I know what I should (and what I am) doing CLEARLY is trying to forget about the classmate.
But some things just make me think about him.
Darn it.

Transformations...

Well remember when I asked you for your opinion here?
Saturday was the day.
And the big decision time.
So clearly I was very nervous.

I love my hair stylist she is AMAZING.
And right beside the salon is such a darling coffee place called The Tampered Press that I only discovered this Saturday!

Pic from here

I actually ran into my hair stylist there :)

Pic from here

I grabbed a latte.

Next time I want to be sure to grab one of their homemade Oreos.
How awesome does this look?

Pic from here

Anywho then it was time to make the decision....and...
I'm fully brunette.
And a little apprehensive lol.

The kind words from my beautiful friends certainly helped tremendously!
And a certain grad school classmate from Miami who may have commented..."it looks awesome!!!"
Lol I'm such a sucker.

Forcing a shift

I'm bummed.
I haven't heard from my Miami classmate at all.
Whatever its been two days and I just need to move on.

The problem is when I like someone one I like someone like 100%...I don't know half way.
Which is an interesting lesson because with MrRealtor it wasn't there...even though I was trying.
Stuck in the is this good enough.

Being in my bummy mopey self this weekend I realize...it's not.
Cue the official get together for a breakup talk tonight...you know in person ugh! 
(I freaking hate those!!! Especially when you aren't even together!)

And while I alternate between smiling at the memories of less than a week ago.
I think I need to understand the reality of it.

For him it likely just was a usual night (he is super good looking and smart and fun and a great kisser...I cannot even begin to think of the caliber of women he dates/has been with...I mean he lives in MIAMI for gosh sakes and he lived in Sao Paulo Brazil...have you ever goggled Brazilian women...don't it almost destroyed my self esteem lol).
The only difference for him is that it was with the prettiest girl from his grad school class 
(his words not mine).
Nothing had ever transpired between him when we were in school...in fact I never hooked up fully with anyone in my class.
Probably a fun memory but not much more than that for him. 
In fact, it probably blends into quite a few memories...
Another notch in his bedpost or whatever.
Another chance to show his....umm...skills.

But for me it was bliss.
It was comfort in a familiar friendship.
That went from drunken playfulness to steamy making out...
That then went on to the morning...drinking in the sun.
The hand holding the giggling the sneaking glances with him pulling my hand to his lips.

It was how it rolled into the next day with the warm sun on my skin.
The requests for kisses.
Sitting at that bar.

Pic from here

Him telling me that I was really beautiful.
Sometimes leaning in whispering kiss me.
And I was too happy to oblige.
The little things that pop into my head like him returning from the rest room and crossing behind me kissing me on the top of my head...this totally made me melt...such a sweet pleasant surprise.

The beach walking hand in hand.
The suggestion to go swimming with a wink and a nudge.
I usually hate the ocean but with him I just went in giggling without a second thought.
Clinging to him as the waves crashed against us.
Kissing and giggling until we both were shivering.

Then warming up on the blanket...falling asleep in between kisses.
That is the issue really.  
That was pretty much my DREAM perfect 24 hours.

BUT I need to realize that was not his experience.
But it needs to be okay because I was reminded of that feeling.
The feeling I can't wait to have.
With whoever I'm meant to be with.
And I hold out hope that there is someone out there like that for me.
And quickly try to move on because in all reality it isn't with the person I JUST experienced that with (unfortunately).
So I just need to pull myself up by my boot straps and remind myself that.
And force myself to move on.

Wonderstuck

Pic from here

Y'all I think sometimes when something clicks for me it just clicks for me.
It never fully clicked for me with MrRealtor he kind of grew on me and he just got more and more annoying.
I sent Taylor an email that went back and forth with him and even she was like...oh my goodness he is EXHAUSTING!
And here's how I know he isn't for me...

I have a full blown crush.
Here's how I know...well beside the amazingness that was New Year's Eve
After thinking about it and speaking to a friend or too...they were like you should pursue him.
You have nothing left to lose...at least be open to the idea and let him know you're open to the idea.

So with that I left a little text last night along the lines of "missing the Miami heat..."
(And I definitely wasn't referring to the weather lol)
And nothing.
And I was disappointed but figured what the heck.

Today I was rushing about work when...
A facebook message from him and with a slightly shaky hand I clicked on it.
A cute email about how it was great seeing me and hoping I was staying warm in Canada and catching up on rest...he ended it with Big Hug and "PS KEEP IN TOUCH!!!"

That's a good sign right?
Ack I'm useless when I have a big crush.
So of course I reply almost immediately back (I know I know you're supposed to wait but I couldn't).
So I replied much the same hoping he wasn't so tired and his day was going well only I signed off with an "xo Teagan and PS Keep in touch ...I had a really great time".

So I guess we'll see where it goes.
I was already daydreaming of making out in the ocean and the feel of his hand on my skin.
Lordy I guess when it clicks for me it just clicks.
Fingers crossed maybe this may be a little more than just a long distance crush.
Guess we'll see.

It wouldn't work out and I think I just need to be realistic about the situation.
Except I'm horrible at being realistic about the situation.
I will probably just continue to daydream of the amazing 24 hours we had.



Of course I'm listening to girly music while posting this...and this song seems rather appropriate right about now...

Weekend Update ~Afternoon Tea, Back Seat in a Parking Lot and Beach Bumming

So after Friday night (read here) with MrPhD left me quite perplexed...
I was ready for the rest of the weekend.
Saturday in the morning I mainly bummed around and got ready for my first date with MrConsultant.
I was excited because we've been chatting on the phone and we've developed a pretty decent banter.


Oh I did scrounge up for a fun breakfast that involved a pie crust, pancetta, kale and eggs...so I guess it would most resemble a frittata.
I slightly over cooked it but it was still decent.

The other reason I was excited?
His choice of first date...afternoon tea at the Le Meridien's King Edward hotel downtown.
As IF he could have picked a better first date for me!
So I got dolled up in one of my favourite dresses.
So off I went downtown to meet him.

I pulled up filled with a sense of anticipation...

Pic from here

 
How could you not?
With a place like this?

Pic from here.

And I totally walked past him.
Mainly because I thought surely this guy in the lobby cannot be him.
Because he was wearing a t-shirt, jeans and trainers.


I mean really?
For a first date?
And with his suggestion of the venue and everything....what the heck?!
AND not to mention our last conversation we had was about how he had 82 pairs of shoes and Prada loafers were part of the conversation too.
So ummm have to admit in person sort of disappointing...mainly because it looked like no effort was placed.

Pic from here.

I enjoyed his company and all the treats...
the tea...

Pic from same as above.

the sandwiches
the scones
and the pastries
were lovely

Pics from same as above.

I enjoyed my time.
He's certainly quirky and smart.
I enjoyed the conversation.
He suggested we go out again.
I accepted.


With that I headed home.
And MrPhD gave me a call and suggested we hang out that night.
I thought about it and thought...hey why not?
I figured maybe I could at least figure out a little more one way or another of how I felt.


So I accepted.
He then told me I should make the plan for the night.
(Which I don't love but am totally capable of...sort of like how I feel about opening doors).


So I picked a restaurtant from Toronto's Life's Top 10 new restaurants for 2012.
Called Keriwa.
Described as Toronto's only Aboriginal fare.

Pic from here.

It was definitely a different type of restaurant.
Upon entering it had sort of a smokey campfire scent.
MrPhD said it smelled like incense.
I couldn't quite put my finger on it.
But it was definitely unique.

Pic from same as above.

It was busy and had a good mix of people in it.
The couple beside us raved about how good the food was.
So we were excited.

Pic from same as above.

I had the Lamb.
He had the Bison (found a pic online of his).

Pic from here.

And we generally had good conversation.
Enough for me to suggest we grab a drink at Cocktail Bar.
Obviously one of my favourites....went there with Taylor and hewhoshallnotbenamedagainbecauseitsgettingannoyingMrKent.
And we started having some cocktails.

Pic from here.

 
And he proceeded to try and kiss me full on at the bar.
While I squirmed away.
Then our conversation somehow had him asking "so how much do you weigh?"
Ummmm what?!?!
I told him that wasn't really an appropriate question...especially coming off a conversation about him complaining about his last date that he met off EH was overweight.
Yea it was sort of downhill from there.


Then came the most awkward moment ever.
We walked hand and hand back to where he parked.  
Then he said ummm why don't we sit for a second before we go.
I said "oh okay do you not feel okay to drive?"
He said he would prefer to wait a little while.
I of course said that was okay and suggested an alternative of us each taking a taxi home.
He said it was okay and wanted to sit for a bit.
And then opened the door...to the back seat of his car.


Are you raising your eyebrow yet because I was sort of stunned at this point.
I suggested we go for a walk.
He said he would prefer to sit.
So I reluctantly climbed in.


And then it was just awkward as he grabbed my chin, tilted my head and proceeded to jam him tongue into my mouth.
And I just felt uncomfortable.
And the more he persisted the more I pulled away.
I mean here we were in a well lit parking lot off a main street downtown.
I felt so silly in the back seat of his car.


So then he drove me home.
And I thought to myself ...yea this is probably not going to work.
And when I got home I promptly fell asleep in a mixture of confusion and tipsiness.
Today's text of "how was your day?" has been unanswered and leaving me with trying to figure out how to respond because really it's just not working out.


The next morning with a slight headache I dragged myself from bed to get ready for a beach day.
I headed to Laurel's where I met up with her, her fiance, and B.
We headed down to the beach to meet two of the other CanadaCrew girls and one of their cute guy friends.
The weather was perfect.
And we had a fantastic yummy potluck picnic.

Then the boys played some frisby.
And I just watched all the eye candy of them showing off.
B was looking really good.
And had me re-thinking why I blew him off for a date.  
Okay that sounded ridiculously dirty...you know what I mean.

I headed home in the early evening because I had my second date with MrDentalSurgeon.
I was anticipating this was going to be the ending the hanging out type date 
(much like the Saturday one with MrPhD).
He picked me up looking quite handsome (1 point).


He said he almost forgot how beautiful I was (1 point).
He picked out Moxie's (a chain) for dinner (-1 point).
As we sat down he said...wow seriously you are really beautiful (1 point).

Pic from here.

And as the dinner went on I found myself having more and more fun with him.
As we talked I also brought up the Wednesday night ditch (I wrote about it here).
And he said, well I didn't hear from you on Tuesday or Wednesday so I figured you didn't really want to and I didn't want to push it (0.5 point).
One of the other interesting things is he joked around (I think) about going with him to a conference in Dallas during the first weekend of July...
hmmm I wonder if he was actually serious.
I giggled about it but secretly might be hoping that would work out...guess we'll see.


As we walked out of Moxie's he grabbed my hand.
And he walked to open my car door.
And as he did he said..."well there is a small fee of a hug for that".
I hugged him and he lifted me off the ground commenting "gosh you're light" (1 point).
And as he gently placed me down I tilted my head up and he kissed me.
And it was a REALLY good kiss (plus like a zillion points).
And when we finished he commented "I could definitely get used to that".


Then he drove me home and stopped short of the entrance to my apartment.
When I looked at him quizzically.
He explained...I'd like to kiss you again only not put on a show for the concierge.
Which I found actually very sweet.
And the kiss was just WOW.


And I giddily walked up to my apartment.
What a busy interesting weekend I had.
Made even better this morning with this text from MrDentalSurgeon 
"Have a great day gorgeous".
After that text...I sure did.