last email...I hope

Pic from here

So on Tuesday night I got this follow up email...
Oh and I'll include my thoughts/responses as I read this...

MrRealtor

	Apr 30 (1 day ago)
to Teagan

Teagan,

Don’t worry, this is the last you will hear from me, but before I say goodbye I have some final words for you.

(Gosh I kind of hope so because this is becoming simply ridiculous).

In receiving my package back the other day, I am left feeling disappointed, hurt, and confused.  I delivered that package over a month and a half ago and received it back from you a few days ago. Why after 4 months of saying nothing did you decide to mail back my letter and gift without any words from you? If you’ve chosen to be silent for so long, why even bother sending the package back?

(Ummm well to be honest it sat in my front hall closet...and by the time I got around the post office it had sat there for about 2.5 weeks...because really who goes to a post office AND because I couldn't just mark RETURN TO SENDER because you had delivered it to my condo you PSYCHO!)  We haven't spoken since January! (here)  So why 2.5 months later would you MAIL me a package (here) after sending me flowers (here)

In my several attempts to communicate with you over the past few months, I have finally come to realize my efforts are futile.  It saddens me that you can be so ruthless and not even give me the courtesy of an explanation as to why you wanted to end things between us.  Ummm not sure how I"m ruthless (then I goggled ruthless just to check and according to Merriam-Webster  ": having no pity : merciless, cruel <a ruthless tyrant>"  And ummm hello we met up TWICE in person to discuss why it wasn't working and ONCE after that we had a phone discussion where I explained why it wasn't working but apparently this was not giving him the courtesy of an explanation...

I feel foolish for opening up and sharing my thoughts and feelings with you this whole time, all the while being ignored like I never meant anything to you. I feel foolish for even sending this email, but realize that this is who I am and what I need to do, and that is to let you know how I feel. That is and was the difference between you and I all along. I opened up, you never did.  It’s funny how in the end the one who opens up gets the short end of the stick, looks the fool, and gets hurt.

You are not the person I believed you to be. You have no compassion for other’s feelings. This line really irks me because I don't believe that I'm not compassionate. I have been nothing but a good, decent man who respected you and cared deeply for you.  Ummm I beg to differ ie. leaving me stranded at an airport at 1:30am when you said you were to pick me up....thats not really respectful nor caring. I never deserved the way you cut me off like that. But, maybe I should have expected it as you made me aware of your past relationships and how they too were cut off abruptly.  He didn't really know a lot about my past...he is reaching here.  It’s obvious you have issues with trust and opening up, and in the end this is your demise. Wow that a jerky comment... really my demise?!  WTF.  I just never thought you would have done the same thing to me. Yet another foolish thought of mine.

I wish you the best of luck and happiness in life. I hope you find what you’re looking for.  But just know that you have thrown away something very special. I am not perfect and never claimed to be when we dated. I made mistakes and bad judgement calls and admitted to them. However, despite my faults, I know I am a man with a big heart and a lot of love to give, none of which you deserve after the way you cut me off.  I'm kind of glad you think I don't "deserve you".

Regards,

MrRealtor

And that my friends is a nutso email.

when you return a package...

Pic from here

This is totally ironic.
Especially given my post yesterday about being lonely.
So I finally got my butt to the post office and returned that package that I told you about here.
And on Monday the following email popped into my inbox.

MrRealtor

	Apr 29 (2 days ago)
to Teagan

Hi,

I received my returned package from you with mixed emotions the other day.

I would have hoped to get some sort of a response but alas just my gift and letter returned with no explanation from you. Doesn’t even look like you opened it.

I just want to know why Teagan…why the cut off with no explanation...please if anything just give me that closure.

Missing you,

MrRealtor

So of course I didn't respond...because I mean ...really?!

And this wasn't the final email...I got another one last night...and it's a doozy (I will share in my next post of course).

Can I also mention that for work I'm at the largest tradeshow of Toronto area Realtors?!  I didn't see him today but I'm totally panicked that I'm going to see him tomorrow....I'll keep you posted.

Unanswered packages

So the other day I got a message that I had a package from concierge.
Nice right?!
Well when I picked it up it was this...

Two creepy things about it.
One the "from" was hand written and my address was on a printed label.
Two notice there is no postage on it.
Therefore he dropped it off in person!

And what did it contain you may ask?
A letter...
This letter...

And a pandora charm.
Which is kind of ironic because he proclaims that it is him knowing that I would like it.
But the funny thing is...
I HATE pandora bracelets with a passion.
I think they are awful.

So I think it's best that I just mail it right back to him.
What do you think?
I have not spoken a word/text etc since January 20th.  
Sort of weird how persistent he's being right?

And I'm just frustrated.
The guys that like me I don't like.
And the ones I like don't like me.
I'm holding out the tiniest smidgen of hope that maybe at some point in my life I will find love and it will at least be equal.

a little flame

Pic from here

So of course I'm going the days on of ignoring texts from MrRealtor...I just don't know what to say.
I'm also focusing this weekend on not being annoyed that Jacob said he was coming and then suddenly decided not to and just disappeared off the face of this earth on Wednesday...didn't even have the guts to say he wasn't coming he just disappeared (because he is a scared insecure person who can NEVER face any type of situation he runs...which is exactly what he does over and over again and I'm a total idiot for letting it happen again).  I know exactly how it will go down.  In a few weeks he'll message me and make some flimsy excuse as he tries to blame me.
And I'm dumb for even giving him the opportunity to come here.

Anywho so it makes me long for those magical 24 hours of new years.
And it makes me think of The Classmate.
And I can't help but think of him especially with my FAVOURITE song from Washington Heights 
(my new obsession lol).

Which is...
Play Hard by Midi Mafia
You can listen to it here...it isn't available for free download any more :(
Or it's here on youtube...

And oh my goodness...all I can think of is the classmate.
Because he has this habit of posting quotes on facebook.
Like today he posted this quote...

"A pearl is a beautiful thing that is produced by an injured life. It is the tear [that results] from the injury of the oyster. The treasure of our being in this world is also produced by an injured life. If we had not been wounded, if we had not been injured, then we will not produce the pearl."

- Stephan Hoeller

And yesterday it was this quote...

The most successful people make the most mistakes.

And before that this one...

"You can never cross the ocean unless you have courage to lose sight of the shore." Christopher Columbus

Which I think is great.
And I'm trying not to notice him when it comes up in my feed.
But gosh facebook is so bad for that.
So I'm going to pretend that I'm not waiting for the perfect moment to post my favourite quote on my wall from my new favourite song...

But don't forget, that every rainbow needs a little rain
For every lesson learned you gonna need a little pain
For every spark love it's gotta take a little flame
And every miracle needs a little praying

Should I or Shouldn't I...

unexpected delivery

So remember when I wrote about it being the end of things with MrRealtor.
Well on Friday at work I was running around keeping busy when...
These came...

Y'all know I detest getting flowers at work.
I wouldn't mind if I was married etc. BUT because it increases staff gossip.
And it's embarrassing.
ESPECIALLY with this card attached NOT in a freaking envelope.

Don't you think if the florist reads this then CLEARLY it should have gone in an envelope?
Anyway it was HUMILIATING.
I mean you know where I live why not send them to my home?

Anywho...so I didn't respond.
And I went to sleep fairly early on Friday because the weather was horrible and I had a fun filled day for Saturday (more about that later).

And when I woke up at 6:45am I realized I had some unanswered messages on my phone.

Seriously a phone call drunk dial at 2:19AM?
And a text later.
Yup unanswered because I don't even know how to respond.
Why can't the guys I like be this persistent?

Closing Doors to Open New Ones

Y'all a final update (I think) on MrRealtor.
So I told you here how I finally broke things off on that Sunday (read here)
(even though he didn't get that).

As evidence of the email the next day.
And then I told you all about these texts a few days later (read here if you missed it).
Well a few days later I got these texts...

Which drove me nuts to the point that I thought I better call him.
Which is why I agreed to call him.
So how frustrated was I when he tried to bully me into meeting up with him...because that's what HE would rather do.

I didn't I called him.
But the guy would NOT listen.
To the point where I was blunt and like "this is not going anywhere".
After I thought I was quite clear and finished the conversation....
I got this text from him.
Read the top box (the next one is clearly from the next day).

And then the next day this (all unanswered by the way).

Seriously WTF.
I hope you didn't mean what you said last night?
I mean WHAT?
So I think I won't reply.
I mean I know he asked me to but this is just getting ridiculous.

Unanswered Messages

So this week was a little sprinkle of avoidance and more girly fun 
(Taco Tuesday and Book Club on Thursday...that post to come!)
So I told y'all had it went down with MrRealtor here.

It was followed up with an email asking to get together to chat (which went unanswered).
And then yesterday a text message with a link to a music video.
This music video.

Seriously.
Here's what I don't get.
Isn't it easier to treat someone nicely all along?
Instead of apologies and promises to make it up for treating you poorly???

So OVER it.
Also I can't remember the last time someone sent me a link to a music video lol.

Saturday/Sunday

So Saturday like I said first I went brunette (huge change).
And what else to do after that but head up to Kingston.
I hadn't seen Jane since I threw her and Eva a baby shower in the fall.

Saturday was Jane's official due date so we planned for one last girly sleepover... provided her daughter hadn't made her grand entrance.
So I drove up to Kingston.
It turned out we changed plans because Jane's parents wanted to celebrate her younger brother Ted's birthday so I crashed the fam jam.

Ted wanted to go to Red Lobster.
I don't think I've eaten there since I was 15!
So I met them over there.

Pic from here

And it was much less disastrous then I thought it was going to be (foodwise) lol.
It was great to catch up with Jane's parents too.
After that we headed to Jane's house where we proceeded to catch up, watch TV and I painted her nails for her.
And it was lovely and simple and just relaxing.

The next morning we slept in late before heading to Windmill's for brunch.
Kingston is that small of a city that we bumped into Jane's father-in-law there.
It was also packed with Queen's University students.
And rightfully so because it was delicious!

Pic from here

After that we headed down to Starbucks for coffees before I had to head back to Toronto for a birthday dinner.
It was for one of my sorority sisters that I don't know so well yet.
And I'm so glad I pushed myself to go out and I'm so glad I did.
As I'm still pushing to make new friends and grow.

We met at Earl's for dinner and it was super fun.

Pic from here

And then from there I headed to Shangri-La lobby bar to meet with MrRealtor to try to and just end things in  person.

Pic from here

And y'all it was awkward and frustrating and he just wasn't listening.
And so when he walked me back to my car I pretty much just stepped away, hopped in and drove away.
Here's how I know for sure he wasn't listening or paying attention.
He sent me this message;

"I have never seen someone wanna leave so bad so fast like before
Clearly I'm not good for you
At least that's the impression I get from you
Drive safe goodnight"

I guess the 1.5 hour conversation hadn't sunk in at that point for him.
Ughhh
And that's how the rest of my weekend FLEW by!

almost another picture to burn

So last night I had a get together with MrRealtor to close things off.
Put the final nail in the coffin if you will.
And we talked round and round in circles.

And I somehow ended up with these...

Seriously.
I'm the worst break-upper ever.

He leaves for the Caribbean tomorrow morning for a bachelor party for 5 days.
So it is delayed a little while longer.
Y'all I suck at breaking up.

Like literally there was a point where I was like...so ummm have you ever seen the movie the breakup?
(He hadn't).
And I said "oh...well there's this part when she want's him to help her clean up but she WANT him to WANT to help her to clean up only the guy is like "who in their right mind want's to clean up"" anddddddddd he still didn't get it.
Sigh.

And how I know I just should have bit the bullet.
I didn't really want to kiss him.
And I seriously dreamed about kissing my classmate.
I.totally.suck.

PS if you've never seen The Break Up ...here's the trailer ...it has that part in it.

Stevemas

So the two Canadian cousins held their annual Stevemas party!
And it was AWESOME!

Just a warning some people may find the description offensive.
But it was all in good fun!

For those of you who are new to Stevemas:

The Story of Stevemas.....

Steve was the lesser known brother of Jesus. His birthday is November 27th. Poor Steve didn't get any attention, what with his brother walking on water and feeding 5,000 people without the help of a proper caterer; yet Steve was a great guy. Steve liked booze, hookers, gambling, jello, and hot dogs.

We get together every year in our most festive holiday sweaters to have a few drinks, some jello, and a hot dog or two, and celebrate the spirit of Steve.

In simple terms, Christmas is to family what Stevemas is to friends. After a few quieter Stevemases spent in Kingston, I have a feeling this year's is going to be a "resurrection" of sorts.

So please, raid my mom's closet or your nearest thrift store, don your most festive holiday sweater, and join us for some Stevemas fun and games.

I realize some of you will not be able to make the pilgrimage from Kingston, Edmonton, Ottawa, PEI, Halifax, and other far-away lands, but I wanted you to feel the Stevemas love, and hopefully you'll be inspired to host your own satellite Stevemas gatherings. But who knows....maybe you will make it...there's always hope for a great Stevemas miracle!

Steve Bless You,
The Canadian Cousins

So I did participate.
In fact I brought MrRealtor to meet the friends for the first time.
In fact he was so great because I ran out of time and he went to find us ugly Christmas sweaters by himself.
He did quite the good job...

Here's what he got for me.

And this is his 
(he had no idea it was a woman's sweater...which was actually hilarious when he realized it...at the party).

And he was good with my friends.
And he played along with all the fun games.
And overall made a good impression.
Do you sense the but...really no real reason but I feel like there is an impending but...

The Birthday Curse...broken???

So it may be true that the birthday curse may have been broken...
The girls from my new little group from the CanadaCrew took it upon themselves to throw that lovely brunch at The Drake.

Pic from here

Laurel made these fabulous cupcakes

My father came up to visit and we had dinner together on my actual birthday at the Bier Markt
And it was a fun quiet time.

Pick from here

A collection of lovely birthday cards from the girls that made me smile.

And MrRealtor was very sweet and got me a Kate Spade Wallet and Purse

I finally have a grown up wallet!!!  Love this colour!

I always love the hidden happiness that is inside Kate Spade items...like these polka dots.

Seriously it has a bow...could I love it any more?  It's my first Kate Spade handbag too!

Again love the stripes of the inside of this bag!

Which clearly are totally my style and I love.
Speaking of great gifts...one of my co-workers knew of my love a particular piece of art.
And I LOVE it!
If you know Gossip Girl you will totally get it or if you know Marfa, TX lol...

I officially now share my birthday with Eva's little one.
Yup he arrived on my birthday!  Isn't THAT a funny set of circumstances!

Each of the Waterloo girls sent me birthday well wishes.
Val even took the time to take me out for dinner which was lovely.
We went to Aria...a place we had both wanted to try for a bit.

Pic from here.

So what do we think?
Is the birthday curse finally broken???

Fourth

Coming off the heels of this super fun date.
We made plans for a midweek date.
MrRealtor came to pick me up after work.

He was looking so super handsome in a blue dress shirt and a black cordoroy jacket.
Seriously so cute.
And we only had a brief like pause oh wait do we kiss hello or not so we sort of did a side mouth kiss.
Gosh I'm TOTALLY AWKWARD!

So he told me about a new Asian restaurant that just opened at the Shops at Don Mills.
Called...P.F. Changs.
As in the American chain.
And when I told him I had been before.
He was like wow you've been so many places and this one is new.

Pic from here.

So I had to break it to him that it is an American chain.
But I was excited because it has been a few years since I've been.
It is the first one in Canada too.

So we headed in.
And I found it so sweet that when he saw I was struggling with the wine decision he asked if I wanted help and then picked out something for me.
And I LOVED that when the waiter came by he ordered for me with a "the lady will have..."
(I made my own choice but he listened and ordered for me).
I'm totally an old fashioned girl.

Pic from same as above.

We shared the crab wontons to start.
And yes P.F. Changs is a very "americanized" Chinese food but sometimes it is exaclty what you crave.
I do love the hole in the wall places too though and in Toronto there is some delish (and more authentic) Chinese food.

Pic from same as above.

After that we headed to Joey for some cocktails.
And we chatted over drinks getting to know one another.
He's quite cute though I think I need to get past more of the surface stuff and start asking some harder hitting questions.
Val is so good at stuff like that...I'm pretty sure she never makes it past 2 dates without asking the serious questions whereas I'm happy to tapdance around frivolous small talk (ummm hello MrDentalSurgeon was all surface).

Pic from here.

When we were walking back to the car I was clearly shivering so he took off his jacket and put it around my shoulders.
Seriously...he is pretty amazing.
He dropped me back off at home before a really good goodnight kiss.
One where he FINALLY reached and grabbed my neck and pulled me in a little closer.

And I was on cloud nine all the way up to my apartment.
Date five is on the calendar.
Kind of pretty excited.