Change...

Pic from here I'm sure I had this look on my face this morning.

So in direct opposite to my below totally false blog update...here is a totally true blog update.
It may be TMI but you know what I need to get it all out here.

I'm stuck at what to do for work. 
Have caught in between staying and leaving. 
And sometimes even find myself considering an entire career change,
Which if you know is completely scary given the year/money/effort into this career.

MrBrit has messaged me a bunch.
He messaged me on Friday about what my weekend plans were.
So I didn't have any space for him in my calendar.
Hopefully next week.

I am supposed to have a date with MrEngineer tonight.
It all depends on how late my parents stay here and how my dog is doing.
My dog came out of the hospital on Friday. 
I will spare you the details of the $$$ bills associated with that.
And without a full diagnosis.
Just a best guess one that included 3 different antibiotics treatment and a see how it goes approach.
Which is why my parents are coming.
They are worried about the dog.

So I was trying to get out all the other random details before.
But here is sort of the lacklustre bomb.
Jacob actually came to visit.

After all the promised visits before hand.
He finally showed up.
Driving directly from his work Friday afternoon.
Arriving here just after 3am.

And you guys its was awkward.
And bizarre.
You see he is the exact same.
Newer car, less hair but the EXACT same.
And I don't think that is enough for me.
The me that is fun and adventurous, and silly and girly and loving and passionate.

Mostly because this weekend I was sort of bored.
And I'm sure he was too.
I put up my Christmas decorations and we watched holiday movies.
We went to the grocery store and got everything to make a yummy pizza.
Being with him didn't even make those things more fun (which I kind of thought they would).
And sidenote I paid for everything while he was here (you see really NOTHING really has changed).

And this morning as he woke up at 4:30am to head back home.
I was frustrated and upset.
Not because I wanted everything to work out and us to be together.
But because it felt EXACTLY as it always did.
Him leaving becuase it's more convenient.
Me stunned because I figured he would stay longer.
An awkward hug and kiss goodbye where I turned my head so he only caught the side edge of my mouth.

And I'm now doing laundry and getting ready for my parents to visit.
And I think this was just what I needed to end the Jacob chapter.
Because the last thing I want to feel is complacency or boredom with someone.
And that is how I felt this weekend.
I don't think he is enough for me.