Things I tried not to notice or think about yesterday

1. That MrDentist didn't communicate at all yesterday.
That I need to sort of dust myself off and force myself to forget about all of that.
That I didn't seriously think of everything over and over again (as I mentioned in this post).
I mean why do all those things/say all those things/then basically go MIA.
I am so tangential right now (and I think I'm using tangential wrong in the sentence by the way).
So sick of boys going MIA...hmmm though sometimes I go MIA when I don't know how to reject someone ie. MrFinance (as mentioned here and here).
Note to self STOP doing that because it's mean.

2. It would have been my pseudo two year wedding anniversary yesterday.  Scary.  Which just made me feel ill actually.  And makes me think I should throw out the Burberry Trench fund straight into the hire a Dlawyer/private investigator to get this ball rolling.  But then I try not to think of it because the financial commitment is just way too burdening and I think in the back of my head the emotional thing probably would get to me a little.

3. Why oh WHY did I open up to MrDentist about Spencer.  Now I feel more humiliated and embarrassed about my past.  Note to self...no opening up anymore early on.

Well that's actually it but they were seemed like some pretty big things yesterday that I was trying to ignore...but wasn't actually very successful.
Total pink elephant in the room.
Does anyone else use that  expression or did I make it up?

I know there is an expression of an elephant in the room (which is impossible to ignore).
I always use the example, if someone told you "do NOT to think of a pink elephant" ...
isn't it kind of funny that THAT is all you can think about??? No?
I'm guess I'm strange and just a little rambly this morning.


Pic from here

Happy birthday, Teagan. Welcome to 30, and you've certainly made a mess of it.

Okay so I totally borrowed the title of this post from a quote from Episode 402 of One Tree Hill  "BROOKE: Happy birthday, Brooke. Welcome to 18, and you've certainly made a mess of it".

So a ton of randomness to begin.
I've been super stressed.
Like super stressed making my period 3 days late (I'm good like that for stress...is that TMI...oh well I'm feeling in the sharing mood.)
My first two months in Singapore I was about two weeks late from stress alone.

What do I have to be stressed about?

• Jacob for like the gazillionith time "coming for sure to visit this weekend" and bailing yet again.
• A seminar I signed up for in trying to avoid turning 30 and then pulling out of because I didn't have the time to prepare (and the thought of arriving there at 7:30am didn't seem appealing).
• Having to deal with work drama.  The fact that I had a 3 month review with the person I am supposed to report to on my contract and having a new three month review scheduled with head office/corporate 3 people panel has me freaking out beyond belief).  On Friday that new three month review was pushed until Wednesday (great 2 extra sleepless nights)...but only after I made an idiot of myself responding because I thought they had moved it two hours later same day and not reading careful enough I responded I couldn't do it then and then being corrected that I could from big boss CEO's assistant (careless and dumb on my part ughhh).
• And the fact that I turned 30 which to me is just devastating.  I don't think it sounds cool or sophisticated and while it's great that everyone says its the best time ever (ummm wasn't that supposed to be high school years?) I don't believe them.NO Wait!!! I DO believe them if it is coming from the mouths of married/happy couples.

I realize this makes me sound like a bitter horrible single person but whatever.
I'm sure YOUR life is great in your 30s...I'm just not so sure mine is.
Though it is actually good to hear it...it's like I believe it for everyone but myself.
So I've been wrestling with all this.
And all the time trying to forget about my birthday curse...which totally exists.
More about that later.

So Saturday started off okay.
I slept in, did some cleaning, watched a random movie (Flyboys if your interested which I actually really liked).  Of course here's the trailer.

I had Eva come over for a later afternoon lunch of soup/salad/samosas.
I meant to take a picture of the table but totally forgot.
And I even folded the napkins all cute as sort of cutlery envelopes.
Anywho Eva was the 2nd 30th birthday pep talker.
And I was like ummm okay.
Yes YOUR life in your 30s is great married/new house/trying to have babies/awesome vacations every year...my life?... not so much...but was able to smile and nod anyway.
Eva did help me finally compose a "itsnotyouitsme" text to MrFinance (finally putting a close on that chapter).
Then she had to go get ready for date night/her birthday celebration with her husband at an uber fancy restaurant (and me trying not to be all green eyed about it).

Then I busied myself getting ready.
And I found myself actually enjoying it.
Put on the new Drake album and took my sweet time getting ready putting on makeup and debating outfits.
Val came over (we had plans for dinner) and she helped me pick out this outfit winner.
And I was so so SO excited.
We were going to eat at a fabulous trendy place.
And we decided to stay downtown and go drinking/dancing/basically get up to shenanigans.

So on our way out the door Val snagged a samosa.
Val who has been dealing with some digestion stomach issues.
You can probably totally see where this is going.

So we drive downtown for our 10:15pm reservations (clearly this place was HAP-PEN-ING).
It was #1 in the 2011 ten best new restaurants in Toronto Life magazine.
Check out the article here.

It is called Origin on King Street East downtown.
As we pulled up the first thing I noticed was the super cool pinky/purple-y lights (awesome).
I wish I had taken a photo as I can't find any on the internet....next time.

Then as we walked up there was a buzz of excitement.
The place had a great atmosphere.

Light fixture is made of 1600 godzilla figurines...who comes up with this stuff?  Perfect birthday party table though.

The kitchen is totally open and smack in the middle of the restaurant we were lucky enough to be seated right around it.  Front row seat baby!

Yup some liquid nitro awesomeness!

Those from Dallas it is like sitting around the tables at Mr. Sushi where you can watch them make things.  Check out their online gallery HERE (it really was beautiful).

I got a cocktail and Val was looking a little queezy at that point but said she would be fine if she just made a trip to the ladies.
Then we sat down and ordered.
Our appetizers came and Val barely poked at it (despite our agreed deliciousness factor).

Beet + goat cheese + pickled red onion + walnuts + sherry dressing + yogurt _13

Indian lentil soup + coconut _6

Brussel sprouts + smoked bacon + sherry vinegar _9

Spicy Spanish fries + chorizo + manchego _12

At that point I suggested leaving but Val insisted that we stay.
So we ordered our mains.
And a few minutes later the poor girl broke out in a sweat.
At that point I was like okay we are leaving.
So we snagged the waitress and got our mains to go.
Val didn't even get a chance to drink her wine before we left.

She had driven that night so I offered to just take a cab home but she insisted on driving and thought she would be up and awake and miserable anyway.
So she drove me home and immediately headed home herself.
Here is some of our mains in their to go containers.

Leftover apps of the brussel sprouts and Spanish fries.

Origin beef burger + avocado + smoked mayo + arugula _17

She was fine by the next day and she laughed that at least she did know she for sure could not eat things with green pepper in it.
And to clarify she did know it was in the samosa before hand.
I wasn't pulling one over on one of my besties.
And she had eaten them all through Uni well we recognize NOW that they did cause some issues.

So it was an early birthday night for this girl.
And as I lay in bed.
I sighed.
I hope my 30s will be the best years ever.
But I don't have that kind of faith right now.
I just don't.
I really need to get to be who I am beyond this heartache and fear.
I am trying.
I just wish that turning 30 didn't feel like a set back.

Here's how Episode 402 ended...

LUCAS: There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroads. Afraid, confused, without a road map. The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days. Of course, when faced with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn around and go back. But once in a while, people push on to something better. Something found just beyond the pain of going it alone, and just beyond the bravery and courage it takes to let someone in, or to give someone a second chance. Something beyond the quiet persistence of a dream. Because it's only when you're tested that you truly discover who you are. And it's only when you're tested that you discover who you can be. The person you want to be does exist, somewhere on the other side of hard work and faith and belief. And beyond heartache and fear of what lies ahead.


Non food close up pics from here here here

PS.  The Teagan birthday curse seems to be continuing...just saying.

I need lessons in how to break up with someone that I'm not really dating because right now I am pulling a MM...

Y'all I'm horrible.
I am pulling an MM (MysteryMan..read the last part here if you missed how that all ended) on MrFinance (ie. just not responding to him).
Because I don't know HOW to respond ughhhhhhh!

We had a third date exactly two weeks ago.
It was okay again.
Dinner at a cute Italian place...conversation flowed as usual.
He got me three red roses (which was a beautiful surprize).
He lent me a warmer coat again for our walk to the restaurant.

I found myself venting about work to him.
Then launching into a big story of all my girlfriends and how awesome they were.
I can be the most akward person ever...just saying.

Then back to his house were we held hands and made out.
And yes I'm a perpetual high schooler.
And my heart just isn't into it.

So he called and messaged these two weeks.
I first feigned being sick as an excuse.
Then last weekend I had plans with the girls.
He called during it and I texted him I would call him "soon".

And he messaged me yesterday saying "Hey Teagan.  Thought I'd send a quick note to say hi and I hope that you are having a good week so far"
And I haven't responded!!!
And it makes me feel horrible.

So someone please tell me how to respond?!
Eva said I didn't owe him anything and could just send him a text message.
But I don't know what to write.
Part of me feels guilty and now thinks I should hang out with him one more time.
How I want to respond to his latest text.  "hey things have been crazy busy...I hope you are having an amazing week...let's hang out soon"  and that is SUCH a cop out because that is NOT how I feel.
But I can't think of how else to respond because I feel bad.

And that is rather telling isn't it.
I feel bad about not dating someone I don't feel super interested in.
Because in a way I care more about his feelings then my own.
And you know what that sucks because my actions are just like MM's.
And that is RUDE and mean and I remember being hurt by it.

So please someone tell me what to write so I can do the wussy thing and message him to end it so I"m not stringing him along like a prat.

Pic from here.

Moving to the TDot Take Two...

So last weekend I packed up my stuff and got ready to move again.
Here is the disaster of the old place as I packed up.
What a pain in the butt to pack after feeling like I barely got settled and unpacked.

Getting a little more organized...

Almost ready to go...

My room all packed up.
And yes I totally moved my clothes and linens just like Angelina from Jersey Shore.
Straight up trash bag styles...classy haha.

So I'm going to gloss over the fact of the disasters of moving that I briefly mentioned here.
And thank goodness I am officially unpacked less than a week later.
Below will be way too many pictures of way too many details of my second new place.
Without further ado welcome to my second new place in the TDot...

The entrance.
I hasten to give it a word like "grand" because in reality it is a 570sq ft tiny apartment.
But it's mine :)
And I swear one day the mirror story will occur.

Storage in the teeny apartment is a premium to in my front closet the shelves are dedicated to things like kitchen, paperwork, things to return to the girls, work out supplies (ie. non skid yoga towel), and cleaning supplies.

And toilet paper/paper towels and detergent.

Just call it my random closet of storage.

Right beside that one is a deeper closet where I keep the shoes/good purses and jackets.

Right beside that closet is the ensuite laundry.  So happy I don't have to trudge to a basement to do it.  Some of the apartments I looked at in Toronto had some SCARY laundry rooms.

And yes that is a dryel bag so I can try and do dry cleaning minimally.

Just past the hall there is my kitchen/dining room/entrance to bathroom.

Straight ahead the living room.

My obsession over the desk.  West Elm lacquer white.  I'm still loving it.
Plant courtesy of the girls.  I hope I don't kill it. 

From the living towards the entrance and kitchen.

And from the other corner. 

The tiny bathroom.

From the bathroom into the bedroom.

Purse organization. 

This closet is half the size of the other new place in TDot closet. 
And I'm doing laundry hence the empty hangers.

Oh and did you see in the living room.

The glasses Taylor gave me.

Just WAITING to be used when she comes back here in January.

I'm totally counting the days!!!

So that's it.

It's my second place.

And there is so much more to tell you.

Of third dates (MrFinance), birthday celebrations, car trouble, Jacob trouble, work drama, overseas job offers, and the generalized chaos that is my life.

More updates to come.

But for now...what do y'all think?

How my Sunday funday turned into date #2...

So I was set to have an awesome Sunday.
Afternoon tea for a sorority alumni gathering.
I seriously love afternoon tea.

Also a perfect excuse to reuse this outfit and fascinator.
What do you think?

Fascinator!!! I made this one years ago.

And here it is with one of my favourite coats because it sure is getting cool here.
Oh yes and fun fact for my long time readers.
This is "the coat" from the story of "that weekend where I had a close encounter with a chef"...and if you missed it you can read it here.
How long ago does that seem?
Anywho moving on...

I was so so excited to have tea.
As I was getting ready MrFinance called.

I didn't answer at first.
And his message basically said he had a really fun time (as did I) and he wanted to get together again soon maybe that afternoon.
So remember how I wrote I didn't know if I should go on a date or not I figured maybe I should give him another chance.

So I called him and we chatted about where I was going to be for afternoon tea and it was close to his place so we made plans to hang out after.
I then headed to the Old Mill Inn and Spa in Toronto.

It is beautiful!
There was also a wedding taking place there and I was entering the inn when she was rounding the bottom of the stairs to head to her wedding ceremony.
We caught each other's eyes and I gave a smile and nod and she smiled wide.

Then I made my way to the room we had for tea.
It was great.
I found myself socializing and making new friends...I even scored two numbers (which sounds like picking up but it is in fact WAY better because it may lead to more besties like Taylor!)

These are the ladies who got their 65 year pins.
How incredible is that?
And their friends were there to pin them...and I got a little teary eyed and thought that maybe in in about 50 years maybe it would be Taylor and I doing that :)

Then we stuffed our faced with these delishious things.

Then I headed from there to meet MrFinance.
He invited me into his condo so that we could decide where to eat.
He complimented my dress and didn't make fun of my fascinator (double bonus points!)
After a glass of wine we settled on an English Gastro Pub called the Queen and Beaver.
It was really quaint and perfect for a date night.

Our converstion continued to flow and we shared more travel stories over dinner.
Afterwards we walked around downtown and he held my hand.
I had been wearing those high heels all day so at some point I must have started hobbling so MrFinance suggested we grab a cab the rest of the way (what a gentleman!)

Then he invited me in for a drink and to hang out some more.
So I did and we chatted and held hands some more.
Then I said it was late and stood up to leave.
And he was in front of me standing there...smiling.
And in my head the alarm bells started going off...he totally is going to kiss me.
And he did...and it was...okay.

Yup just okay.
I wonder if part of it was panic on my part.
And I just haven't quite figured out if we have that certain chemistry.
Then he walked me down to the car and kissed me again...and again...just so-so.
Hmmmm this could be a predicament.
Then he asked when could he see me again.
And I stammered and hummed and hawed before settling on Thursday.
Partly because I'm also so so busy having to move and this is not something he knows because really not something he needs to know.

I'm unsure what to do.
Keep going on more dates? 
Stop now?
I'm totally unsure.




Pics from here, here, here