Lonely

Pic from here

Things are coming along.
I'm finding my groove here because well it's the only option.
But there are times when I feel inexplicably lonely.

Like when I come home from a trip.
Or on a random Wednesday night.
And it made me remember this quote I love...

“When so many are lonely as seem to be lonely, it would be inexcusably selfish to be lonely alone." Tennessee Williams, Camino Real

And that is my one hope in life ...to at some point not feel lonely...

Still alive y'all

Pic from here

Super sucky blogger here...
And yup still alive.
Wish my absense was to regale y'all with stories of an all consuming love.
Yea it's not.

Simply put treading water.
Big time.
Putting through the motions.

Negotiating dating with ...
MrRealtor...knowing I should just break it off but finding a comfort in the just spending enough time with someone comfort kind of way
B...though its one of those weird I'm not quite sure I'm the girl for you but will invite you to a family wedding in two Saturdays from now but only as a friend and really as family buffer which will only end up being super awkward.
Maybe talked to Jacob...a little because that's what I do when I'm just lost.

Oh yea and all of the above are kind of pissed at me for being indecisive and stalling.
But not pissed off enough to stop hanging out/messaging.
So weird.

And I'm contemplating the usual.
Moving
Career change
Dumping aforementioned lineup and starting over...again.

AKA I'm back...I think

Weekend Cracking Update

So I know I still need to write about attending my co-workers wedding last Saturday.
And how I bailed on MrConsultant the following Sunday.
I probably should write to you about my Wednesday date with MrOralSurgeon.
But I wanted to give you a quickie update of this weekend.
Which I will follow up with pictures in another post.

But y'all I felt like I was cracking a little.
And super overwhelmed with multiple dates etc.
And feeling a little lost.
And just well tired.

So I took this weekend off.
Said NO multiple times.
Started to crack a little and considered going out last night but didn't.
Then today my parents came to visit.

Which ended up being good.
Because then I get to eat out and end up with a stocked fridge etc.
And they may have purchased a second Lily dress that I am in love with.

I just really needed this weekend OFF.
Especially because I feel like I'm cracking a bit.
It might be the pressure of having to sign a new lease (ummm hello I have only been here since like October!  The reason is they usually require to give you 90 days of notice before increasing the rent
(mine is going up by $24.88/month...which is still about $500/month cheaper than living downtown thought I LOVE downtown I don't think it is in the cards for this next year)).

And then the parents are talking about buying a condo downtown.
Which would be great.
EXCEPT I'm considering changing professions/leaving the country/losing my mind.
I don't know I'm going through a whole bunch of thoughts and generalized anxiety of what the heck am I doing with my life.

Don't mind me I'm just having a little freak out.
But on the surface I look cool and laid back.
But under the surface.
Oh the cracks!!!!

But I breathe and focus on how many days until Dallas.
Because no one quite brings me back to focus like my bestie.
No one quite believes in me like my bestie.
I need to re-evaluate my life in Dallas.
Bounce some ideas off my bestie.
Plus I just have the most FUN ever with Taylor (and hopefully some others I can see while I'm there too...like Will who will be in town for the football game :)

I think I just need a BREAK.
Take some pressure off myself too.
I'm putting a ton of pressure on myself.
And just not feeling that great.

This post really was about nothing.
Just the fact that I'm feeling like I'm cracking a little bit.
And feeling a little lost.

Pic from here.  I don't care what anyone says I totally love KimKardashian....I totally understand her.  She is a romantic and love's love...I totally get it.  

This sums it up...

This is why I love Sex and the City.
This is EXACTLY how I feel.

Pondering

Just a little bit of thinking inside my head here going on.
I wonder if MrKent feels relieved after having the talk.
Like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders.


Like how I felt after calling things to an end with MrRussian.
Or when I stopped dating MrFinance.
I know it really does NOT matter.


For all I know the person before me that broke his heart.
Totally came back into the picture.
I should probably stop picturing her as some model tall thin blond woman too.
Again because it does NOT matter.


Isn't it kind of funny how it is a TON easier being the dumpER versus the dumpEE.
I mean it isn't fun breaking up with someone.
When I've been in that position I feel totally anxious and I feel guilty.
But then it's super easy to move on.


I really very quickly don't notice missing text messages.
(Gosh darn WHY did MrKent if he wasn't interested message me every single freaking morning with variations of "good morning beautiful, how did you sleep?")?!?!?! Annoyed.
Whereas now (being the dumpEE in this situation) every beep or vibrate of my phone makes me jump a little and secretly hold my breath with only the teeniest hope that it may be MrKent.
It won't be.
I know this.
And it's totally embarrassing to admit that is what I do.


But I don't want y'all thinking I'm spiraling down.
I'm totally jumping back on the horse if you will.
I have a date lined up for Tuesday.


I also am keeping and will be keeping myself super busy!
I had a sorority meeting last night.
Plans for drinks tonight with Laurel.
Sleepover with Quinn Friday.
Saturday and Sunday I'm headed to my hometown for Father's Day.
And plans for the next two weekends as well.


So I think I'm doing rather well.
The super AMAZING comments from you readers totally helps so so SO much!
I can't even begin to wrap my head around the amazing support and kind words.
Luv y'all!


And with that ...yippe ki yay M*therF'er.
Sometimes I'm sort of random.
Really not sure where THAT just came from. haha.

Pic from here

Scattered

Y'all I'm feeling totally scattered.
In that weird mixed up way of feeling relief over a big stressful week at work last week and the influx of emotions/stress of the fact of the constant work stress that is all part of it.
The stress that makes me seriously consider going back to school.
But that is mainly because I'm feeling so darn scattered.

Which means it's time for the most random blog post of all time.

I feel like I need to go back to completing MyExboyfriendProject.
But how to do it.
The same way you would eat an elephant...one fork at a time.
So I'm thinking trying to add one "chapter" per week so that I can at least get it done.
And below is some hilarious good advice...just saying...

Pic from here

I get to decorate "my room" in our families new Florida vacation home.
Here is the room currently...


So so so excited!
I'm thinking something SUPER preppy.
Perhaps Lilly Pulitzer inspired (after all I am on a budget y'all).
Perhaps things involving bows and stripes???
Any suggestions out there???
Here's the bedroom set I've picked out already because it was very "Floridian" to me.
I hope it's more white than in the picture.
And clearly it is super duper reasonable.
I also am hoping to trade out the dresser for a tall 5 drawer dresser because I'm not a huge fan of the attached mirror to the long dresser.


I love to match my shoes to my outfit.
Like here.

And recently I'm super obsessed with wearing cardigans with my dress shirts.
I feel like the way it blocks a line in the middle makes me look skinnier
I know I know I'm probably being silly but this is the way my weirdo mind works.

And I totally have a KimKardashian butt.
Seriously even in work dress clothes.
Seriously I totally have a shelf...see how my cardigan folds in in the back?!
Ridiculous!

I just looked over at my empty frames Taylor gave me (see here).
I so need to order pictures to put in them.
Maybe this weekend.
I totally suck at having pictures printed.
It also makes me want to organize a photoshoot.
Heck I know tons of people who do engagement photos etc.
So you know what I want to do.
Get hair and makeup done and do a bestie photoshoot.
Get pictures taken by someone who agrees to photoshopping my butt down a size or two haha.
Something I would love to use as a facebook profile pic and someone who is able to capture a bestie friendship very well on film.
How to make this happen???...

From this previous post

I had the WEIRDEST thought today.
Because I'm such an overthinking nerd.
I missed TheBachelor Canada castings/applications.
(Not that I seriously would go in...imagine US weekly breaking the scandle of Spencer etc).
Anywho my crazy thought of the day on why MrDentist perhaps disappeared....
I was thinking maybe he is the new Bachelor!!!!
Just saying and if that is the case ....holy moly and I have a time stamp on my prediction haha.

Pic from here

I mailed out Taylor's surprise today (that I talked about here).
I wanted to add some extras but I thought I could just send them at a later time instead.
Because I was too darn excited.
And I can only hope I didn't over-hype it (huge potential for this!)
We shall see.

I need to get of my butt and sign on to my EH account and get dating.
I'm just obviously for some reason procrastinating.

Will may come to visit this month!
So super excited to see him.
I wrote about him (here) if you don't know who he is.

I need to get a little more strict with my workouts.
Especially with a Florida trip coming up (yipes bathing suit!)
Need to have some renewed focus/energy there.

Could I be any more of a jumbled up rambly bunch of thoughts...
I think not.