Valentine's Day Rant

Y'all I was (am?) the type of person who LOVED Valentine's Day.
I loved all the pink and red and mushiness.
The flowers, the candy, the cards and all that love.


Well...
Today I'm in a mood.
I feel like saying F*@% You Facebook pictures/status update.
Ohhhhhh look at me!!!! My boyfriend/fiance/husband is SOOOOOOOOOOO amazing and thinks I'm SOOOOOOOOO amazing.*
BLEH!


I also may just be a little cranky from feeling bloaty and gross.
DOUBLE BLEH!
Actually you know why I'm actually cranky?
Because I'm a hopeless romantic.
Walking out this morning I was secretly hoping...


I totally live in a dream world where I hope and dream and wish that maybe someone** 
...will surprise me with flowers.
Or really a text message.
Heck I'm so so mad at myself to be willing to accept such a 0 effort gesture.
Which is so not even close to being good enough!
And just in case you're wondering not even THAT was made.


This morning I was full of hope.
I even had a Valentine's Day outfit for work.
Please ignore the bloat.
Instead pay attention to my new favourite combo of baby pink and red.

Here are the shoes.
I'm so cranky right now I feel like even my feet are bloaty...gross.

And at the end of the day...reality sets in.
I'm eating leftovers from last evening dinner (more about that later).

Watching the Bachelor.

Alone.


So it actually makes me a little panicky.
I know if I continued to date MrAccountant he would have planned something.
I know if I continued to date MrEngineer/MrDoctor he would have taken me out for dinner (now I may very well have had to pick up the tab but at least I would be out tonight).
I know if I continued to date MrRussian he would have for sure sent flowers, and complimented me and planned something wonderful.
So did I make a mistake?!
Should I not have cleared all those dates I had lined up?
When I felt something there with him**


I get a little panicky when instead of a message from the person I want to get a message from...**
I get a message from Jacob.
Which of course you know I had to have a little fun with paint.
Today's message is at the bottom...seriously.

So it makes me panic a bit.
Is something better than nothing?
Is a little better than nothing at all?
And this is where I begin to slightly panic.


Especially because of things that still float in and out of my dreams...
comments like here (less than two weeks ago)***
or things like
'I never thought I would find even how smart you are to be such an attractive quality...'
I may have even heard at dinner last evening that he is 'trying not to fall for me'
Seriously are you also shaking your head.
Because I am.
I mean really WTF.


And I'm cranky and irritated.
So when I'm especially like this I head on down to the treadmill to pound out some kilometres (miles if you're American) I'm about to go do that.


I also play this little comparison game.
Where I wish I was in the next year ahead (hoping to maybe be in love and everything that comes with).
I look at a year back (where I was in Winterpeg barely noticing that it was Valentine's Day).
Looking two years back (where I was madly in love and at the time traveling in Thailand with my bestie, my brother and my fiance).
Looking three years back (where I was just freshly moved to Canada temporarily and had a fresh new romance that was kind of fun but mainly a distraction).
And then it becomes too annoying to continue to look back and I simply don't want to look back any further...


So I'm cranky.
A little bored.
And maybe just slightly contemplating sending in my application for the Bachelor Canada haha (seriously they are casting for the first season here).
Except can you imagine the scandalous US Weekly covers possible with my drama?!
So let's not even go there.
So don't mind me if I kind of want to flip off Valentine's Day just a little.

*Disclaimer- to my lovely friends who have posts/facebook pics etc.  Love ya and the fact that you have this in your lives...I'm just a little emerald-eyed at the moment!
**MrDentist
***So I'm probably totally overreacting like HUGE


Pics from here here when they aren't my own