Dwelling, punishing and trying to sort it all out.

So apparently I'm not done dwelling yet.
This morning I drove into the downtown office
(I will be using public transport but I had a TON of stuff to bring into the office so I drove).
Traffic was crazy so I had tons of time to think.

And the more I tried not to think about MM.
The more I thought about him.
And I was infuriated as I played back bits of things he told me in my head.
And it made me more and more angry.

Here are the things I was thinking about (or the moments I replayed back in my head).
In no particular order.

• The moment we were out for dinner and he toasted Eva and her husband for getting us together.
• Being out to dinner with his friends and him saying "did you hear how we met?" to his two friends and then going into full detail about it (I wrote about it here).
• When I was apartment hunting (like 4 weeks ago) him telling me to upgrade my housing budget because he would take care of everything else (entertainment and food etc.) of COURSE this was not an expectation and I still stuck to my original budget (thank goodness!) but who says stuff like that and then does THIS?!
• Him offering for me to LIVE with him for these intermediate 6 weeks...4 TIMES.
• I remember him telling me "it is my job to make sure you LOVE Toronto" and "I can not wait for you to move to Toronto so we can see each other more often" and "I can't wait to just be together and go for walks together downtown" etc. etc. etc.
• And NOW he thinks our personalities do not mesh...REALLY?!?!?!?!
• But he thinks I'm an "awesome person"

So much for not being annoyed and moving past it.
Ughhh!
I feel the need to respond like Elle Woods in legally blond where she is moping in bed and watching movies and eating chocolate and yells LIAR! at the movie.

And yes I'm being over dramatic.
I so wish I just didn't care.

The worst part?
It makes me want to respond to Jacob.
I haven't... but I sure have been thinking about it.
I am giving myself a thumbs down at this very moment for thinking that though.

This afternoon I had to call Eva's work place for a question from someone I have met a few times she works with...Anna.
So we chatted about work stuff...and then Anna asked me...soooooo how's MM.
And I was like "not good".
She was like WHAT?!?!?! Eva said everything was going great.
I gave her the quick update ...yup it was and then he went MIA and then he gmail chat broke things off.

She then said "that makes no sense"...I agreed and then my quick update turned into a super longwinded whine/feelings dump to her (who I have met like 3 times only) how I was lonely and the girls are all out of country and I was finding it so hard here and it is so difficult to find girlfriends and I wanted to date (Eva told me before Anna was like super allstar dater type girl) and I wanted to know how to do that but I wanted to find new girlfriends more than wanting to date ...and I was just having a hard time adjusting...and then I apologized for unloading all my crap onto her.

And then she said the four most magical-unicorn-sparkly words ever...we should hang out.
So I jumped all much too eager at her...saying... THAT would be amazing!!!!!!!
Haha I hope I didn't scare away my new potential bestie.

So then I stopped by the library to determine what they needed from me to get a library card from here.
Turns out my drivers license MUST reflect the area/county where the library card is going to be from.
ie. My Texas Driver's license simply won't do. (I was waiting to switch it over until I moved to my new Toronto address to avoid having to change it over and over again). 
Sighhhh and all I want to do is borrow books!
I have bad luck with libraries (more about that later).

So then I came home and ate this for dinner.
Not exactly healthy ughhhhh.
Can we say stressed.

And then I did the 39 minutes of yoga (thank goodness I didn't do the 70+ ones because the 39 minutes killed me practically) because I was feeling guilty about dinner (see above).

Obviously home yoga...I'm too poor currently for real studio yoga.
Then my parents called.
And I made plans to have lunch with them on Sunday because they will be in Toronto.
Am I a glutton for punishment or what?

So that was my day.
How was yours?
Oh and I must say all of your incredible comments make me feel much less of a crazygirl and much better about being upset with how it all unfolded with MM so thank you.