MIA

Pic from here

I've been missing in action.
I know I've been horrible.
I've never been so bad about blogging.
Maybe my excuse is that I've been living my life more instead of writing about it.

But as the whirlwind of the last couple of weeks is catching up.
And I need to come back to this.
To writing it down...to trying to figure it out.

I'm not sure I can recount everything that has gone on these last couple of weeks.
Mr Tenderfoot and I after that weekend spent weekend after weekend together.
He came to Toronto and we spent one weekend being so super lazy blowing up an air mattress and watching movies all day.
The time spent making meals together.
The bliss in standing on my tiptoes to kiss him.
The familiarity of a simple touch when you move past someone.
The ignoring of the signals of his age/immaturity, the fact that he lives 2.5 hours away, all ignored because of the chemistry, the cuddling and lets be honest Mr Tenderfoot is super smoking hot.

I even planned a super special birthday surprise where I made him dinner, took him to Second City (one of my favourite things to do in Toronto...live sketch comedy), and one of my fav breakfast places in the city in the morning.  We spent the rest of the day running around just a whole bunch of nothing.

The following weekend I was super busy with a girly spa night (where we may have made a Harlem Shake video), and then a hair appointment and then a friend's birthday.  
So busy that I noticed the communication totally dying down with Mr Tenderfoot.
I was supposed to head to my hometown a day early to spend the night at his place.
Only the night before (Wednesday) I pushed and pushed because I felt like something wasn't right.

And before I knew it instead of heading to see him after work on Thursday.
I found myself heading out to sushi with Val instead.
And meeting her in the early morning for a hot yoga class and then some tea.

Totally bummed out and I still haven't talked to him since.
Even though I'm literally sitting here bored out of my mind at my parent's place.
(He lives 8 minutes away)...and he's all I can think about.
I don't know how things can change so quickly in the blink of an eye.
BUT that tends to be the going trend with me and boys.
They "change their mind" and are gone without so much as a dust left in their tracks.
Only a more jaded and disappointed me wondering what the heck happened.

So many other things have happened like I officially turned down a job offer in the Middle East.
I've been spending time with my friend (the Canada Crew), and realizing that some friendships are more temporary (like the Waterloo girls, much to my sadness), and just doing random things (like 5Ks, Brewery tours, pub nights, etc).
And yet I still feel just as stuck.
I still get green eyed over my friends in relationships.
I really really just want to be loved.
Which is why I may or may not be talking to Jacob again (I KNOW I KNOW so stupid).
Ugh.
Seriously.